A little tradition I follow...I write here on every New Year's Eve :-)
So, here I sit wondering what I want to write about and share with you today - and believe me there isn't much. This is one of those times when one is at loss to find a starting point and when there is too much to say! So much has happened this past year that I don't know where to begin :-)
The good, the bad and the ugly...I have realized that all of these are here and are within us. That has been my biggest realization ever this year. Doesn't make sense? Maybe not and I don't grudge you for it.
This year for me brought with it all that is dear to me - a re-assurance even though distant is all that is needed! Little achievements that matter to this world, a journey into self that has only but opened many more doors has made this year worthwhile.But you know what is the biggest achievement of all? I have learnt to forgive! The struggle, the pain and everything else I went through in the past year have been soothed and washed with this beautiful feeling of forgiveness!Try it. Forgive someone you need to and see the magic it does to you!
The realization that we are but so little is something I will always hold onto going forward...and my biggest take away has been that everything happens for a reason.
And before I get carried away and go deeper into my philosophy - I have to tell you that today happens to be a very special New Year's Eve - A Blue Moon New Year's Eve. This had last occured in the year 1990 and will happen again in the year 2028 (probably?).
And when that happens, where will you be my reader? Think about it :-)
So much done and so much more that remains to be done in the New Year...
I wish you a year that is filled with Peace - the greatest gift of all! Peace within yourself. Run, eat, get more degrees, work harder, party, jump off the planes - do whatever you want, but be happy and learn to hold onto that peace within you! Now don't ask me if I'm happy :-)
Have a wonderful Year!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Yikes! Those Hands
It has been raining the past few days. Great weather for a book and a steaming mug of coffee by the window - not to walk through it though :-)
I was walking down to get some lunch the other day from a cafeteria at work and boom! I bump into this person after a long long time! I had worked closely with him for some time a few years ago and I had thought he had moved on a long time ago. And here he was!
We were about to shake hands and just before that, he sneezed! Before our hands met, there were a few more sneezes followed by loud blowing of the nose etc. etc. He grabbed a tissue did the ritual and oops into his trouser pocket went the humble, dirty piece of paper. Yikes! I thought. But, that's me because tons of people in the western world see this as a normal practice :-)
If it is that normal I always wonder why is there such a discrimination between tissue used elsewhere on the body to do a similar cleansing function and the one used to do the honors with the nose?
While I watched the tissue disappear and was struggling to correct the frown on my forehead that had very naturally appeared, came another jolt! The hand - he very casually thrust it out at me! ouch! ouch! ouch!
What is one to do when presented with such situations where good manners don't necessarily follow rather come in the way of other standards of personal body level criteria.
What did I do here? I simply dropped my wallet and picked it up escaping the hand shake :-)
I can state a million other examples of such situations....
People scratching their heads and using the very hands, people sweating giving you tight bear hugs, onions/garlic on the breath doesn't stop them breathing down your neck literally! Smelly socks take over the floor you work on when people go natural and walk around without their shoes! Ah! Put them back on for God's sake is what I want to tell them - but, only end up leaving the area :-)
And before I forget I have to take one last shot that burping freely and loudly on your host's face or your friend's is not the only means to establish our freedom!
Spoilt maybe I'm but, these do bother me and I wish people had the sensitivity to think of the others around them...
Till I see you again....be kind to the others around you - specially when it has to do with your body. Better still keep those dirty hands to yourself :-)
I was walking down to get some lunch the other day from a cafeteria at work and boom! I bump into this person after a long long time! I had worked closely with him for some time a few years ago and I had thought he had moved on a long time ago. And here he was!
We were about to shake hands and just before that, he sneezed! Before our hands met, there were a few more sneezes followed by loud blowing of the nose etc. etc. He grabbed a tissue did the ritual and oops into his trouser pocket went the humble, dirty piece of paper. Yikes! I thought. But, that's me because tons of people in the western world see this as a normal practice :-)
If it is that normal I always wonder why is there such a discrimination between tissue used elsewhere on the body to do a similar cleansing function and the one used to do the honors with the nose?
While I watched the tissue disappear and was struggling to correct the frown on my forehead that had very naturally appeared, came another jolt! The hand - he very casually thrust it out at me! ouch! ouch! ouch!
What is one to do when presented with such situations where good manners don't necessarily follow rather come in the way of other standards of personal body level criteria.
What did I do here? I simply dropped my wallet and picked it up escaping the hand shake :-)
I can state a million other examples of such situations....
People scratching their heads and using the very hands, people sweating giving you tight bear hugs, onions/garlic on the breath doesn't stop them breathing down your neck literally! Smelly socks take over the floor you work on when people go natural and walk around without their shoes! Ah! Put them back on for God's sake is what I want to tell them - but, only end up leaving the area :-)
And before I forget I have to take one last shot that burping freely and loudly on your host's face or your friend's is not the only means to establish our freedom!
Spoilt maybe I'm but, these do bother me and I wish people had the sensitivity to think of the others around them...
Till I see you again....be kind to the others around you - specially when it has to do with your body. Better still keep those dirty hands to yourself :-)
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Awesome Stuff!
The below demonstrates the thrilling power of Sixth Sense technology - it seems to make computing a whole new ball game.
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/tv/TED-India-Pranav-Mistry/videoshow_ted/5231080.cms
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/tv/TED-India-Pranav-Mistry/videoshow_ted/5231080.cms
Monday, November 16, 2009
A Meteor Shower
I'm so excited that this will happen tonight! I'll most certainly take a peek :-)
http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2008/04dec_leonids2009.htm
http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2008/04dec_leonids2009.htm
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Soul Mates
A little dancing and some wine. People seemed like strangers around them. Eyes that met and held across the table. Stories untold.
Time spent together and away. A bond that seemed weak and strong at the same time.
The social norms - the right and the wrong. Was it being afraid of the unknown or righteousness? which of the one is a stronger trait to prevail?
Other people in their lives that held on like leaches and sucked at their blood. The mind said one thing and the heart sailed else where.
They told their reasons. Logical and senseless at the same time. People who mattered heard on and those that didn't laughed and moved on.
Life continued in their own worlds. They didn't know if it was real or unreal. Is happiness pre-defined or self-defined?
The pain and the pleasure were akin to the feeling of cold one feels right when the fire first touches the flesh. The burn lingers long after.
And they thought they were soul mates.
Is there even such a thing? Why does gender always matter?
Their paths run in the same direction - will they cross and acknowledge each other while they leap towards their finish lines?
Humor exists beyond the human race too :-)
Time spent together and away. A bond that seemed weak and strong at the same time.
The social norms - the right and the wrong. Was it being afraid of the unknown or righteousness? which of the one is a stronger trait to prevail?
Other people in their lives that held on like leaches and sucked at their blood. The mind said one thing and the heart sailed else where.
They told their reasons. Logical and senseless at the same time. People who mattered heard on and those that didn't laughed and moved on.
Life continued in their own worlds. They didn't know if it was real or unreal. Is happiness pre-defined or self-defined?
The pain and the pleasure were akin to the feeling of cold one feels right when the fire first touches the flesh. The burn lingers long after.
And they thought they were soul mates.
Is there even such a thing? Why does gender always matter?
Their paths run in the same direction - will they cross and acknowledge each other while they leap towards their finish lines?
Humor exists beyond the human race too :-)
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Curry!
Day after day and meal after meal for those of us that consume the curry, here is some good news. Following is an interesting article published by BBC - read on:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8328377.stm
An extract found in the bright yellow curry spice turmeric can kill off cancer cells, scientists have shown.
The chemical - curcumin - has long been thought to have healing powers and is already being tested as a treatment for arthritis and even dementia.
Now tests by a team at the Cork Cancer Research Centre show it can destroy gullet cancer cells in the lab.
Cancer experts said the findings in the British Journal of Cancer could help doctors find new treatments.
Dr Sharon McKenna and her team found that curcumin started to kill cancer cells within 24 hours.
'Natural' remedy
The cells also began to digest themselves, after the curcumin triggered lethal cell death signals.
Dr McKenna said: "Scientists have known for a long time that natural compounds have the potential to treat faulty cells that have become cancerous and we suspected that curcumin might have therapeutic value."
Dr Lesley Walker, director of cancer information at Cancer Research UK, said: "This is interesting research which opens up the possibility that natural chemicals found in turmeric could be developed into new treatments for oesophageal cancer.
"Rates of oesophageal cancer have gone up by more than a half since the 70s and this is thought to be linked to rising rates of obesity, alcohol intake and reflux disease so finding ways to prevent this disease is important too."
Each year around 7,800 people are diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in the UK. It is the sixth most common cause of cancer death and accounts for around five percent of all UK cancer deaths.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8328377.stm
An extract found in the bright yellow curry spice turmeric can kill off cancer cells, scientists have shown.
The chemical - curcumin - has long been thought to have healing powers and is already being tested as a treatment for arthritis and even dementia.
Now tests by a team at the Cork Cancer Research Centre show it can destroy gullet cancer cells in the lab.
Cancer experts said the findings in the British Journal of Cancer could help doctors find new treatments.
Dr Sharon McKenna and her team found that curcumin started to kill cancer cells within 24 hours.
'Natural' remedy
The cells also began to digest themselves, after the curcumin triggered lethal cell death signals.
Dr McKenna said: "Scientists have known for a long time that natural compounds have the potential to treat faulty cells that have become cancerous and we suspected that curcumin might have therapeutic value."
Dr Lesley Walker, director of cancer information at Cancer Research UK, said: "This is interesting research which opens up the possibility that natural chemicals found in turmeric could be developed into new treatments for oesophageal cancer.
"Rates of oesophageal cancer have gone up by more than a half since the 70s and this is thought to be linked to rising rates of obesity, alcohol intake and reflux disease so finding ways to prevent this disease is important too."
Each year around 7,800 people are diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in the UK. It is the sixth most common cause of cancer death and accounts for around five percent of all UK cancer deaths.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Poem For Today
Asks the Possible of the Impossible,
"Where is your dwelling-place?"
"In the dreams of the Impotent,"
comes the answer
A dewdrop is a perfect integrity
that has no filial memory of its parentage.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade.
It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
~Rabindranath Tagore
"Where is your dwelling-place?"
"In the dreams of the Impotent,"
comes the answer
A dewdrop is a perfect integrity
that has no filial memory of its parentage.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade.
It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
~Rabindranath Tagore
Thursday, October 15, 2009
A Great Song!
I simply can't stop humming this - pretty additictive. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1oismHc4Es
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1oismHc4Es
Friday, October 9, 2009
Those Little Train Stations
Weather like today always reminds me of train journeys I undertook growing up. Those little stations that passed by. The smell of coffee and tea - the din, the sea of people...
I so vividly remember one of those journeys after all these years...
On a foggy cloudy late afternoon...the engine blew it's whistle and chugged out of the little train station situated on the outskirts of our quiet little town. I settled myself at the window and looked longingly at the green fields that belonged to people I knew and grew up with, all my life.
The train chugged away at a reckless speed...
Ah! The compartment. Always held a special place for me. Because I see it as a place where there are a myriad of characters that come and go. There is always a story, a drama that is happening right there. It is education I get for free! And a treat for me to simply watch...
People who seem to travel for eating - loads and packets of food is consumed. People who chat, laugh, fight and everything else. It is most interesting to get into the drama without really participating..that's the fun part :-)
I saw people busy in getting their luggage arranged. Above them was a single guy already immersed in a book - he didn't seem to care about all that happened around him. On the farther side sat a middle aged lady, and along with her sat a young girl in her mid twenties. I saw that she was average in her looks, wore glasses and had a beautiful smile. Behind those glasses I saw big brown eyes- curious, ready to smile and happy!Everyone seemed to have found their favorite spots and had settled in. Suddenly I heard a commotion, some arguing and then a thump of baggage being unloaded right next to me. I looked up and saw a fat man in his mid forties, carrying at least 3 bags and a big large suitcase - he had also managed to hold a cup of coffee with one hand. He was precariously balancing everything and he finally sat down carefully. Within 5 minutes of sitting, out came a packet of chips - he seemed such a friendly person with a very cheerful disposition. He turned to me and said "Has the ticket collector been here already ?" I nodded my head. He offered his pack of chips to everyone - I refused. He again said " what's the fun in travelling if you don't eat ?". I laughed - I hated to eat even a single bite even on the longest of my journeys! We were at least 3 hours into our journey. The young man who had buried himself in the book was alive to the world again - he had gotten down to stretch. He kept standing at the door and I noticed that he kept smoking and looking out for a long time. A thinker, a writer, an artist ? who could he be, I thought. He was unshaven, dark, tall, rugged and handsome in a very uncommon way. I shrugged - what do I care who all these people are.
An hour passed, and when I decided to get myself a coffee, I saw that the young man and the girl with the lady seemed to have gotten to know each other, and were busy chatting up. Young blood I thought - never waste a moment. Talk, talk all the time!
The guy seemed to have a good sense of humor - for everything he said, the girl seemed to be bursting into laughter. He then brought out a harmonica and played it for a while. He then set to teaching her how to play the harmonica.
Night fell, and everyone quietly ate their dinner. The fat man next to me had been a munching machine, and must have eaten at least a few pounds of nuts, crackers, candy, chips and god knows what. He had additionally guzzled a few quarts of soda, coffee, and water. Would he finish up all the food on planet Earth if left lose I thought. I laughed at my own imagination ! I was funny - at least I made myself laugh !
I glanced at the door, and on the steps I saw them - still chatting away. The girl and the guy were busy discussing - probably the most important topics they thought they could never find time to catch up on. Did they have to resolve world issues right this night sitting in that cold on that doorstep ? Why was I so bitter ? Why did it upset me that they were having such a good time? I chided myself at those unwarranted thoughts. The soft sounds of the harmonica continued into the night.
I woke up a couple of times in the middle of the night - still could hear their quiet banter, interspersed with soft laughter. I finally sat up at about 5AM in the morning. It was my usual time to be up. I peeked outside the window and saw that the train had stopped at a big station. There was the aroma of coffee!
I saw that the guy had gotten down to get them both some coffee. Will make a good husband to some girl one day I thought! I got myself a cup and watched the sunrise through the crack of the window. Watching a sunrise and a sunset has always been very special for me - I feel very raw and primal in my gut when I see the elements of nature resplendent in it's true colors!
The friendship between the two seemed to have grown.They were very comfortable, and the girl seemed to have picked up playing the harmonica. I saw the girl's mother tell her to catch some sleep and that it was enough. She turned a deaf ear and on went their chat.
A day into the journey, I was ready to throw up at the sight of any food - my fat neighbor had done that to me !
That night I saw them talk again on the door step - everyone in the compartment was fast asleep. I had nominated myself to be the watchdog ! well, the truth was that I couldn't sleep with all the coffee in the evening.
As I watched them, I saw the guy hold her hands for a brief minute - she seemed to be listening to him - very intently. Certainly they were discussing something very important to both of them ! I wish I could move closer to hear. I then looked at her mother and thought - why can't she tell her daughter to go to bed now ?
I woke up the next morning, and found the guy ready with his bags to get down. The train was at a station. The guy and the girl were saying their good-byes almost at the top of their voices, and at the very end, there was a quiet quick exchange of glances and the guy got down.I immediately saw a couple, who seemed like his parents come to receive him.
Since the train had a long stop at that station, I got down and walked to the news stand.
The guy seemed to have forgotten his book - the one he hadn't had the time to read since the first day. He had run back to the compartment to get it, and seeing his parents standing next to me, I smiled. His mother smiled back and began a casual conversation and told me that she was so happy to see him back home. After all, he was to get married that month! It stirred up something in me.
The guy had come back by then and they left.I silently began to walk back to the train.
I went back to the train and saw the girl at the window. She was busy talking to the fat man and the old couple now. The train moved on, and another day passed before we reached our destination. I was irritated with the girl - I now wonder why ?
The girl seemed to have moved on too - she did not waste another minute getting to know the entire compartment, and had ended up eating many packets of chips with the fat man ! And that night, I saw her sit at the door step - she had the harmonica ! She began to play the notes I heard them play before. He had left his music behind for her.
She seemed happy - so, why was I not ? why was I feeling as if something beautiful that could have happened did not happen? Why the restlessness in me - someone who was only a passive by-stander?
But a few years later when I think back, I always smile and think - if it was meant to be, it would have. And I also believe that nothing can ever stop it from happening again!
Such is Life isn't it? These little journeys are always something you can smile about when you think back...
Enjoy this song for the weekend:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo1MykK4u8U
I so vividly remember one of those journeys after all these years...
On a foggy cloudy late afternoon...the engine blew it's whistle and chugged out of the little train station situated on the outskirts of our quiet little town. I settled myself at the window and looked longingly at the green fields that belonged to people I knew and grew up with, all my life.
The train chugged away at a reckless speed...
Ah! The compartment. Always held a special place for me. Because I see it as a place where there are a myriad of characters that come and go. There is always a story, a drama that is happening right there. It is education I get for free! And a treat for me to simply watch...
People who seem to travel for eating - loads and packets of food is consumed. People who chat, laugh, fight and everything else. It is most interesting to get into the drama without really participating..that's the fun part :-)
I saw people busy in getting their luggage arranged. Above them was a single guy already immersed in a book - he didn't seem to care about all that happened around him. On the farther side sat a middle aged lady, and along with her sat a young girl in her mid twenties. I saw that she was average in her looks, wore glasses and had a beautiful smile. Behind those glasses I saw big brown eyes- curious, ready to smile and happy!Everyone seemed to have found their favorite spots and had settled in. Suddenly I heard a commotion, some arguing and then a thump of baggage being unloaded right next to me. I looked up and saw a fat man in his mid forties, carrying at least 3 bags and a big large suitcase - he had also managed to hold a cup of coffee with one hand. He was precariously balancing everything and he finally sat down carefully. Within 5 minutes of sitting, out came a packet of chips - he seemed such a friendly person with a very cheerful disposition. He turned to me and said "Has the ticket collector been here already ?" I nodded my head. He offered his pack of chips to everyone - I refused. He again said " what's the fun in travelling if you don't eat ?". I laughed - I hated to eat even a single bite even on the longest of my journeys! We were at least 3 hours into our journey. The young man who had buried himself in the book was alive to the world again - he had gotten down to stretch. He kept standing at the door and I noticed that he kept smoking and looking out for a long time. A thinker, a writer, an artist ? who could he be, I thought. He was unshaven, dark, tall, rugged and handsome in a very uncommon way. I shrugged - what do I care who all these people are.
An hour passed, and when I decided to get myself a coffee, I saw that the young man and the girl with the lady seemed to have gotten to know each other, and were busy chatting up. Young blood I thought - never waste a moment. Talk, talk all the time!
The guy seemed to have a good sense of humor - for everything he said, the girl seemed to be bursting into laughter. He then brought out a harmonica and played it for a while. He then set to teaching her how to play the harmonica.
Night fell, and everyone quietly ate their dinner. The fat man next to me had been a munching machine, and must have eaten at least a few pounds of nuts, crackers, candy, chips and god knows what. He had additionally guzzled a few quarts of soda, coffee, and water. Would he finish up all the food on planet Earth if left lose I thought. I laughed at my own imagination ! I was funny - at least I made myself laugh !
I glanced at the door, and on the steps I saw them - still chatting away. The girl and the guy were busy discussing - probably the most important topics they thought they could never find time to catch up on. Did they have to resolve world issues right this night sitting in that cold on that doorstep ? Why was I so bitter ? Why did it upset me that they were having such a good time? I chided myself at those unwarranted thoughts. The soft sounds of the harmonica continued into the night.
I woke up a couple of times in the middle of the night - still could hear their quiet banter, interspersed with soft laughter. I finally sat up at about 5AM in the morning. It was my usual time to be up. I peeked outside the window and saw that the train had stopped at a big station. There was the aroma of coffee!
I saw that the guy had gotten down to get them both some coffee. Will make a good husband to some girl one day I thought! I got myself a cup and watched the sunrise through the crack of the window. Watching a sunrise and a sunset has always been very special for me - I feel very raw and primal in my gut when I see the elements of nature resplendent in it's true colors!
The friendship between the two seemed to have grown.They were very comfortable, and the girl seemed to have picked up playing the harmonica. I saw the girl's mother tell her to catch some sleep and that it was enough. She turned a deaf ear and on went their chat.
A day into the journey, I was ready to throw up at the sight of any food - my fat neighbor had done that to me !
That night I saw them talk again on the door step - everyone in the compartment was fast asleep. I had nominated myself to be the watchdog ! well, the truth was that I couldn't sleep with all the coffee in the evening.
As I watched them, I saw the guy hold her hands for a brief minute - she seemed to be listening to him - very intently. Certainly they were discussing something very important to both of them ! I wish I could move closer to hear. I then looked at her mother and thought - why can't she tell her daughter to go to bed now ?
I woke up the next morning, and found the guy ready with his bags to get down. The train was at a station. The guy and the girl were saying their good-byes almost at the top of their voices, and at the very end, there was a quiet quick exchange of glances and the guy got down.I immediately saw a couple, who seemed like his parents come to receive him.
Since the train had a long stop at that station, I got down and walked to the news stand.
The guy seemed to have forgotten his book - the one he hadn't had the time to read since the first day. He had run back to the compartment to get it, and seeing his parents standing next to me, I smiled. His mother smiled back and began a casual conversation and told me that she was so happy to see him back home. After all, he was to get married that month! It stirred up something in me.
The guy had come back by then and they left.I silently began to walk back to the train.
I went back to the train and saw the girl at the window. She was busy talking to the fat man and the old couple now. The train moved on, and another day passed before we reached our destination. I was irritated with the girl - I now wonder why ?
The girl seemed to have moved on too - she did not waste another minute getting to know the entire compartment, and had ended up eating many packets of chips with the fat man ! And that night, I saw her sit at the door step - she had the harmonica ! She began to play the notes I heard them play before. He had left his music behind for her.
She seemed happy - so, why was I not ? why was I feeling as if something beautiful that could have happened did not happen? Why the restlessness in me - someone who was only a passive by-stander?
But a few years later when I think back, I always smile and think - if it was meant to be, it would have. And I also believe that nothing can ever stop it from happening again!
Such is Life isn't it? These little journeys are always something you can smile about when you think back...
Enjoy this song for the weekend:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo1MykK4u8U
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Audience Needed?
This evening as I drove back from work, I met a long lost friend and I simply was swept back in time.
The silly, unrealistic side of me wishes for a time wand that could erase and take one back in time to any time frame they want to be in...denial or a defense mechanism to thwart and live a bitter truth?
I don't know..but this certainly helps.
A happy moment, a sad one or simply a moment that occurs when time seems to have stood still around me - I always have felt that it is incomplete without having someone to share it with. I was telling another buddy this evening that I simply come alive in front of an audience. Just an ocean of people and me - it creates a magic for me!
As I sat eating my dinner, I thought - is it the same logic of loving an audience that extends to this feeling of wanting to be with people and sharing everything that happens? or is it plain love to have people around me kinda thought?
And there started my question to the self - should I go away from it or should I feed it?
Does everything really need an audience?
Do you need one?
The silly, unrealistic side of me wishes for a time wand that could erase and take one back in time to any time frame they want to be in...denial or a defense mechanism to thwart and live a bitter truth?
I don't know..but this certainly helps.
A happy moment, a sad one or simply a moment that occurs when time seems to have stood still around me - I always have felt that it is incomplete without having someone to share it with. I was telling another buddy this evening that I simply come alive in front of an audience. Just an ocean of people and me - it creates a magic for me!
As I sat eating my dinner, I thought - is it the same logic of loving an audience that extends to this feeling of wanting to be with people and sharing everything that happens? or is it plain love to have people around me kinda thought?
And there started my question to the self - should I go away from it or should I feed it?
Does everything really need an audience?
Do you need one?
Friday, October 2, 2009
Song For the Weekend
Love this song for the tune - enjoy and have a wonderful weekend :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oD16SYpgL7A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oD16SYpgL7A
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Rule(s) Of Attraction!
I was sitting there this morning sipping my coffee and thinking - what is that really makes us "like" someone?
What does all the vibes, the chemistry, the body language or even the words spoken really boil down to?
The evening comes and my little one almost every day whines..."Mumma, I don't like to play with M because she is mean..." or another day it is "Mumma, I don't think R is doing the right thing and I tried to tell mumma, and she made faces...."
And I give her a good enough explanation that tides us over for the day!
But really...what is it that makes you want to be with someone, like someone - what is that one single rule of attraction between two individuals?
Maybe different for each one of us, but I'm very tempted to say that it is all about the "make you feel good" factor. In some way. Boost your ego in some way. Agree to your ideas maybe. Age, gender and space seem meaningless in this context.
Something somewhere converges. And click!
And that's all it takes between two individuals. It exists or it doesn't. The rest I feel falls into a space I like to call "compromise". The pretense that it exists is all about borrowed time - a point that just needs a trigger to snap.
So, my reader - what works between us? Think 'bout it... :-)
What does all the vibes, the chemistry, the body language or even the words spoken really boil down to?
The evening comes and my little one almost every day whines..."Mumma, I don't like to play with M because she is mean..." or another day it is "Mumma, I don't think R is doing the right thing and I tried to tell mumma, and she made faces...."
And I give her a good enough explanation that tides us over for the day!
But really...what is it that makes you want to be with someone, like someone - what is that one single rule of attraction between two individuals?
Maybe different for each one of us, but I'm very tempted to say that it is all about the "make you feel good" factor. In some way. Boost your ego in some way. Agree to your ideas maybe. Age, gender and space seem meaningless in this context.
Something somewhere converges. And click!
And that's all it takes between two individuals. It exists or it doesn't. The rest I feel falls into a space I like to call "compromise". The pretense that it exists is all about borrowed time - a point that just needs a trigger to snap.
So, my reader - what works between us? Think 'bout it... :-)
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The Idli Cooker!
One of those funny incidents I had to share with my readers...
I do Yoga Asanas and meditation on some mornings with my neighbor/friend Ms.G! To give you a glimpse into her personality - a very bright, active, energetic person. And also very committed to any activity/cause she picks up!
So, on one of these mornings, we did the routine set of Asanas, and moved onto doing 'Pranayam'. After doing a 'Brahmari' (where one hums like the buzzing of a bee - very powerful relaxation technique) and after all the 'M-karas' I gave instructions to slip into some minutes of silence.
At the end of it, she beams up with all the energy and with a big smile tells me - "Wow! I felt sooo good today! I could hear the hissing/vibrations long after we stopped chanting the "M" sound. I think I'm finally getting it!!!"
And I on my part was torn between telling her that it was the "Idli" cooker in the kitchen that was actually making that hissing sound, versus letting her be in that state of bliss! But, my laughter got the better of me!!!
It was hilarious :-)
I do Yoga Asanas and meditation on some mornings with my neighbor/friend Ms.G! To give you a glimpse into her personality - a very bright, active, energetic person. And also very committed to any activity/cause she picks up!
So, on one of these mornings, we did the routine set of Asanas, and moved onto doing 'Pranayam'. After doing a 'Brahmari' (where one hums like the buzzing of a bee - very powerful relaxation technique) and after all the 'M-karas' I gave instructions to slip into some minutes of silence.
At the end of it, she beams up with all the energy and with a big smile tells me - "Wow! I felt sooo good today! I could hear the hissing/vibrations long after we stopped chanting the "M" sound. I think I'm finally getting it!!!"
And I on my part was torn between telling her that it was the "Idli" cooker in the kitchen that was actually making that hissing sound, versus letting her be in that state of bliss! But, my laughter got the better of me!!!
It was hilarious :-)
Friday, September 18, 2009
The Fear Factor
The topic I write about today has been a very interesting observation for me in the recent past. An untold something that is there in most of us.
I'm part of some kind of a financial dealing in the last couple of months where the money involved is not negligible. And all the involved parties are trying to pull the rug their way! It's an interesting play of personalities, mind tricks and everything else in between. I must admit though that I have been a little flustered but amused at the same time too.
It is that fear of losing something that keeps the wheel turning - isn't that true for all of us in some space? And it is even more interesting how we humans have a very sharpened skill at sniffing out that fear in all the others around us! Then, once the existence of that fear has been established the deadly dance begins - a very fine delicate tug that pretends to not exist yet at the same time is given enough center stage lest it be mistaken as non-existent!
Why? Because it is all about how we 'leverage' this fear. Not in the self but outside of us! And in this amazing, amusing, deadly yet at the same time that which has a child-like ignorance with a tinge of innocence - the idea is to let go when the rope is taut! And then sit back and watch...watch the game crumble like a deck of cards :-)
Stripping this idea of all expression and baring it to the core - be afraid to lose and nothing can touch you! Then the tables turn, you somehow will get into a spot to call the shots. That is probably the beautiful side of 'failure'. The ugly side that is visible to the outside, but the good it does to the 'loser' on the inside! Scared for life -maybe yes. But maybe in a good way actually!
Next time try it with yourself with the various parameters that exist in your life today. Maybe you'll agree with me! Just let it go. Will be scary at first, but you'll survive...
Sharing anothe fav. with you for the weekend :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VKpKkGnl0k
I'm part of some kind of a financial dealing in the last couple of months where the money involved is not negligible. And all the involved parties are trying to pull the rug their way! It's an interesting play of personalities, mind tricks and everything else in between. I must admit though that I have been a little flustered but amused at the same time too.
It is that fear of losing something that keeps the wheel turning - isn't that true for all of us in some space? And it is even more interesting how we humans have a very sharpened skill at sniffing out that fear in all the others around us! Then, once the existence of that fear has been established the deadly dance begins - a very fine delicate tug that pretends to not exist yet at the same time is given enough center stage lest it be mistaken as non-existent!
Why? Because it is all about how we 'leverage' this fear. Not in the self but outside of us! And in this amazing, amusing, deadly yet at the same time that which has a child-like ignorance with a tinge of innocence - the idea is to let go when the rope is taut! And then sit back and watch...watch the game crumble like a deck of cards :-)
Stripping this idea of all expression and baring it to the core - be afraid to lose and nothing can touch you! Then the tables turn, you somehow will get into a spot to call the shots. That is probably the beautiful side of 'failure'. The ugly side that is visible to the outside, but the good it does to the 'loser' on the inside! Scared for life -maybe yes. But maybe in a good way actually!
Next time try it with yourself with the various parameters that exist in your life today. Maybe you'll agree with me! Just let it go. Will be scary at first, but you'll survive...
Sharing anothe fav. with you for the weekend :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VKpKkGnl0k
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
A Special Date
Today is a special date being 09/09/09 and turned out to be a special day too...
It's one of those days that seems to be a figment of your imagination, all coming alive!
A day where things seem to flow the way you want them to, and the sunshine, the food, people - all seems great!
A great song to go with it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ibl6YKyyYU
It's one of those days that seems to be a figment of your imagination, all coming alive!
A day where things seem to flow the way you want them to, and the sunshine, the food, people - all seems great!
A great song to go with it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ibl6YKyyYU
Monday, September 7, 2009
Those Feel Good Factors!
A great song, those high notes or just watching some kind of expression of a talent on a stage gives me a super high! I'm sure all of you have one such song that puts you back there!
Meeting some people, listening to something or simply reading a book has pockets of that high hidden! I always wonder if this 'high' can be generalized on a common plane only to differ under a given set of circumstances - or is this 'high' factor different in itself for each of us? where does it differ at an individual level?
Blogging like this with my laptop on the counter top while I cook some Red Beans is one of my many other highs ;-)
A cool song I'm listening to as I write this - here's for you to enjoy :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM8ZEYnXyPg
Meeting some people, listening to something or simply reading a book has pockets of that high hidden! I always wonder if this 'high' can be generalized on a common plane only to differ under a given set of circumstances - or is this 'high' factor different in itself for each of us? where does it differ at an individual level?
Blogging like this with my laptop on the counter top while I cook some Red Beans is one of my many other highs ;-)
A cool song I'm listening to as I write this - here's for you to enjoy :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM8ZEYnXyPg
Monday, August 31, 2009
For Once
Day after day
Night after night
as I brave all that life throws at me...
Week after week
Month after month
as I survive just for that moment...
The insults I bear
The hostility I survive
When all that one gets is ridiculed
When all I look forward to is a good word
The moment that is pivotal to this existence
comes and seems to standstill
A moment shrouded in silence
A moment where I pick those pearls of love
A moment where I shed those thorns that have pierced my flesh
A moment where I look for those little words that give me the strength
My heart questions me then
What do I mean to you?
An empty space...
A void that exists between real and the unreal
What do I mean to you?
I know what I know from all that is unspoken...
But, I live to hear those little whispers
And I on my part will wait a lifetime
to hear...
For once let me know
What I mean to you...
Night after night
as I brave all that life throws at me...
Week after week
Month after month
as I survive just for that moment...
The insults I bear
The hostility I survive
When all that one gets is ridiculed
When all I look forward to is a good word
The moment that is pivotal to this existence
comes and seems to standstill
A moment shrouded in silence
A moment where I pick those pearls of love
A moment where I shed those thorns that have pierced my flesh
A moment where I look for those little words that give me the strength
My heart questions me then
What do I mean to you?
An empty space...
A void that exists between real and the unreal
What do I mean to you?
I know what I know from all that is unspoken...
But, I live to hear those little whispers
And I on my part will wait a lifetime
to hear...
For once let me know
What I mean to you...
Friday, August 28, 2009
Song For the weekend
A mellow mood in sharp contrast to the hectic weekend seems to be defiantly creeping in ..
Enjoy the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvG7kBeRrJ0&feature=PlayList&p=D0DC0B207B42B43D&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=9
Enjoy the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvG7kBeRrJ0&feature=PlayList&p=D0DC0B207B42B43D&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=9
Monday, August 24, 2009
On Being Tired
An article I recently read - written by Sri Sri...
If you are not tired, you will never reach home. Only if you're tired, will you ever rest. Everything in the world will tire you. Only one thing does not tire you. That is love.
Love does not tire you because that is the end, the home. It is not possible to be tired in love.
In fact, enjoyment brings tiredness! Tiredness is a shadow of enjoyment. What puts you on the road is your desire to enjoy. What brings you home is being in love. In your life, you move from one place to another in search of enjoyment. Wherever you saw joy and reached for it, you found that it was further away, somewhere else. So you had to move on and that moving is tiring.
Look at your whole life. A child gets tired of playing with toys and wants new toys. Tired of playing with new toys, they want people to play with, they want new friends. They grow a little older. Their games change. The object of the game changes. They want something more. So it's like moving from one type of tiredness to another type of tiredness.
As a teenager you looked for something else, not toys. Which is the new movie? What is the new fashion? You want to have the best match for you. You are married. You make a very good couple. Then what? You want to have your own home, children. Those who are single think that married people are better off. Those who are married think that single people are better off.
Some think that people with children are happier. People with children wish everyday that their child grows up quickly so that they can be free. They wait for someone to give them a break, to take care of their children. Everything is tiring.
You move from one spiritual path to another spiritual path, from one practice to another. Sometimes people say, "Oh, I have meditated for 20 years. I am sick of meditation now. Please don't tell me to do another meditation. Enough is enough." It's boring. People have no time. They find it boring to meditate. What to do? Where to go? When is that rest? That solace? That peace? When is that love that is so comforting, so eternal, so blissful? And you cannot rest until you reach home.
You may sit in the path here and there but you cannot be there forever. You may take a break. On the motorway, there is some rest place. On the way, you stop your car, use the restroom, stay a while and stretch. But that is all. You cannot rest there, or be at peace there. At the back of the mind the drive is there - move on. There is no fulfillment.
It is the desire that tires you - the 'want' in the mind. Your mind tires you more than the physical work. If you are willing to do some work, even 15 hours at a stretch, it will not tire you. However if you are not willing and you have to work even for four hours, it will tire you.
You have a party at home or you are arranging Christmas decorations. So you may work many late hours but still not feel tired. You feel good about it. But you work in some place you don't like, you'd like to have four coffee or tea breaks and even then you feel it's tiring! Do not do any work at all. Just sit and go on thinking. You'll be terribly exhausted. For many people, the tiredness and exhaustion comes from thinking and worrying, not by working.
Thinking you need rest makes you restless.
Thinking you have to work hard makes you tired.
Thinking you have worked hard brings self-pity.
There is a place to rest. That is the Divine, that is surrender and that is love. And you can't do it unless you get really tired, unless you get sick of everything. You drop down. That is called surrender.
There was a king, an emperor. He attained all that he wanted to in the world, all the wealth, the whole continent was under his control. He thought that this is his world. Thousands of people were under his command, all the wealth at his disposal, all the pleasures at his beck and call. He could snap his finger and get anything he wanted. But that couldn't get him home. It made him more and more tired.
Then he went looking for some spiritual knowledge. He went from place to place, collecting things here and there, but nothing worked. Everything seemed to work for a while. Finally, he got so tired that he renounced everything. That also didn't work. Being an emperor didn't work. Renouncing everything didn't work.
One day he fell near a tree. He was exhausted of looking for, but not finding, a real master. It's not easy to find a master. Even if one finds a master, it is difficult to recognize and let go. So, he finally dropped under a tree and at that moment a dry leaf fell down from the tree.
He was looking at the leaf and that leaf flew to the east when the wind blew east and it flew to the north when the wind blew north. Looking at that, something in him suddenly snapped - the "doership" - The 'want' simply dropped from him. The very moment he realized that that moment is so eternal and he came back home.
Make life that way - become like a dry leaf - agree with what the Divine has provided for you, float with the moment. Do not regret the past, do not anticipate the future. That is what all the enlightened masters say, "Keep practicing on your own. When you feel you can't do any more, that it's all so tiring, then come and rest." That's why the places of enlightened masters are called 'ashrama', where you come and get rid of your tiredness. 'Shrama' means effort. Ashrama means the place where all the efforts loosen up. All tiredness, both mental and physical, vanishes. Even spiritual, you don't have to strive for it.
Just sit there. There is a candle, a light burning for you. You only have to sit under its light. You're lit. You don't have to do anything. It's burning for you. You only have to connect, sit there and feel the presence. Be a part of the divinity, then you will find that nothing can tire you in the world. You will become the source of love. You are the home. Things cannot irritate you.
When you are tired, small little things can irritate you, push your button, can throw you off balance. Our peace is so fragile that anything, even a phone call, can blow it off. Our peace will be in hundred pieces - just a few words from someone. Fragile peace is of no use. The peace and love in our life should be so solid, like a diamond. Nothing should shake or move it.
Desire, awareness of the Self and action all are manifestation of the same energy that is you. Among these three, one of them dominates at a time. When you have lots of desires, you are not aware of the Self. When desire dominates, self-awareness will be at its lowest, and that's why all the philosophers around the world have always advocated renunciation and dropping of desires.
When the awareness is dominant, then happiness dawns. When desire dominates, stress and sorrow result. When actions dominate, restlessness and disease is the result. When your actions and desires are sincerely directed to the Divine or to the welfare of society, then the consciousness is automatically elevated, and self-knowledge is sure to be attained.
You cannot rest when you have to do something that you cannot. And you cannot rest when you feel you have to be someone whom you are not. You are not required to do what you cannot. You will not be asked to give what you cannot give. Nothing is expected of you that you cannot do.
If you are not tired, you will never reach home. Only if you're tired, will you ever rest. Everything in the world will tire you. Only one thing does not tire you. That is love.
Love does not tire you because that is the end, the home. It is not possible to be tired in love.
In fact, enjoyment brings tiredness! Tiredness is a shadow of enjoyment. What puts you on the road is your desire to enjoy. What brings you home is being in love. In your life, you move from one place to another in search of enjoyment. Wherever you saw joy and reached for it, you found that it was further away, somewhere else. So you had to move on and that moving is tiring.
Look at your whole life. A child gets tired of playing with toys and wants new toys. Tired of playing with new toys, they want people to play with, they want new friends. They grow a little older. Their games change. The object of the game changes. They want something more. So it's like moving from one type of tiredness to another type of tiredness.
As a teenager you looked for something else, not toys. Which is the new movie? What is the new fashion? You want to have the best match for you. You are married. You make a very good couple. Then what? You want to have your own home, children. Those who are single think that married people are better off. Those who are married think that single people are better off.
Some think that people with children are happier. People with children wish everyday that their child grows up quickly so that they can be free. They wait for someone to give them a break, to take care of their children. Everything is tiring.
You move from one spiritual path to another spiritual path, from one practice to another. Sometimes people say, "Oh, I have meditated for 20 years. I am sick of meditation now. Please don't tell me to do another meditation. Enough is enough." It's boring. People have no time. They find it boring to meditate. What to do? Where to go? When is that rest? That solace? That peace? When is that love that is so comforting, so eternal, so blissful? And you cannot rest until you reach home.
You may sit in the path here and there but you cannot be there forever. You may take a break. On the motorway, there is some rest place. On the way, you stop your car, use the restroom, stay a while and stretch. But that is all. You cannot rest there, or be at peace there. At the back of the mind the drive is there - move on. There is no fulfillment.
It is the desire that tires you - the 'want' in the mind. Your mind tires you more than the physical work. If you are willing to do some work, even 15 hours at a stretch, it will not tire you. However if you are not willing and you have to work even for four hours, it will tire you.
You have a party at home or you are arranging Christmas decorations. So you may work many late hours but still not feel tired. You feel good about it. But you work in some place you don't like, you'd like to have four coffee or tea breaks and even then you feel it's tiring! Do not do any work at all. Just sit and go on thinking. You'll be terribly exhausted. For many people, the tiredness and exhaustion comes from thinking and worrying, not by working.
Thinking you need rest makes you restless.
Thinking you have to work hard makes you tired.
Thinking you have worked hard brings self-pity.
There is a place to rest. That is the Divine, that is surrender and that is love. And you can't do it unless you get really tired, unless you get sick of everything. You drop down. That is called surrender.
There was a king, an emperor. He attained all that he wanted to in the world, all the wealth, the whole continent was under his control. He thought that this is his world. Thousands of people were under his command, all the wealth at his disposal, all the pleasures at his beck and call. He could snap his finger and get anything he wanted. But that couldn't get him home. It made him more and more tired.
Then he went looking for some spiritual knowledge. He went from place to place, collecting things here and there, but nothing worked. Everything seemed to work for a while. Finally, he got so tired that he renounced everything. That also didn't work. Being an emperor didn't work. Renouncing everything didn't work.
One day he fell near a tree. He was exhausted of looking for, but not finding, a real master. It's not easy to find a master. Even if one finds a master, it is difficult to recognize and let go. So, he finally dropped under a tree and at that moment a dry leaf fell down from the tree.
He was looking at the leaf and that leaf flew to the east when the wind blew east and it flew to the north when the wind blew north. Looking at that, something in him suddenly snapped - the "doership" - The 'want' simply dropped from him. The very moment he realized that that moment is so eternal and he came back home.
Make life that way - become like a dry leaf - agree with what the Divine has provided for you, float with the moment. Do not regret the past, do not anticipate the future. That is what all the enlightened masters say, "Keep practicing on your own. When you feel you can't do any more, that it's all so tiring, then come and rest." That's why the places of enlightened masters are called 'ashrama', where you come and get rid of your tiredness. 'Shrama' means effort. Ashrama means the place where all the efforts loosen up. All tiredness, both mental and physical, vanishes. Even spiritual, you don't have to strive for it.
Just sit there. There is a candle, a light burning for you. You only have to sit under its light. You're lit. You don't have to do anything. It's burning for you. You only have to connect, sit there and feel the presence. Be a part of the divinity, then you will find that nothing can tire you in the world. You will become the source of love. You are the home. Things cannot irritate you.
When you are tired, small little things can irritate you, push your button, can throw you off balance. Our peace is so fragile that anything, even a phone call, can blow it off. Our peace will be in hundred pieces - just a few words from someone. Fragile peace is of no use. The peace and love in our life should be so solid, like a diamond. Nothing should shake or move it.
Desire, awareness of the Self and action all are manifestation of the same energy that is you. Among these three, one of them dominates at a time. When you have lots of desires, you are not aware of the Self. When desire dominates, self-awareness will be at its lowest, and that's why all the philosophers around the world have always advocated renunciation and dropping of desires.
When the awareness is dominant, then happiness dawns. When desire dominates, stress and sorrow result. When actions dominate, restlessness and disease is the result. When your actions and desires are sincerely directed to the Divine or to the welfare of society, then the consciousness is automatically elevated, and self-knowledge is sure to be attained.
You cannot rest when you have to do something that you cannot. And you cannot rest when you feel you have to be someone whom you are not. You are not required to do what you cannot. You will not be asked to give what you cannot give. Nothing is expected of you that you cannot do.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
When The Stars Align...
My mom's voice over the phone "Please pick a Muhurtham that is good for your Nakshatram (star sign)...remember to tell the Pujari (priest) to...."
A hundred phone calls and a million instructions later, I set the date to move to the new place.
My friends have been teasing me about how miserable I have been to move away from my cozy little old home.I have been having sleepless nights and wake up at 4:00 AM and sit there all by myself. It is so painful to move away from here...it is not just a house, but has been a home with a zillion memories, all of which I have tightly wrapped in my fists and have shut them tight lest they escape...
Trips to the Indian grocery store, to the American grocery stores - collecting fruits, flowers and a ton of other Indian Pooja specific tid-bits, rendered me exhausted with a terrible back ache and unable to even stand up just before the day of the pooja!
The evening before, I did all that was expected of me...string the flowers, set up everything, soak the right ingredients to make the Prasadam (offering to God) the next day etc. etc. And that night - very late in the night something happened that changed the entire plan.
Mother nature had her own way of showing me how minuscule we were in the entire bigger game plan! A simple change at one point made the entire thing collapse like a deck of cards, pieces in a game of Dominoes.
Over and out- that's it! The whole thing changed. It was almost as if my un-willingness to let go of this home was turning to a reality.
Anyway, I geared up again the next week and this time around did what my instinct told me to do. It became a simple task of signifying an event that would mark a change, a happening and a move! It turned into a moment where positive thoughts pervaded, a moment where beautiful memories presented me reasons to smile about...all of this was no where on the plan.
And not ruled by the stars!
And when those stars align the next time, I know deep in my heart that they will bring with them a million reasons that will make me want to smile, a zillion reasons that will make me want to live all over again...and an infinite other reasons that will help me make someone other than me happy! Selflessly happy!
Till then I'll gaze at those twinkling, celestial objects...night after night...
A hundred phone calls and a million instructions later, I set the date to move to the new place.
My friends have been teasing me about how miserable I have been to move away from my cozy little old home.I have been having sleepless nights and wake up at 4:00 AM and sit there all by myself. It is so painful to move away from here...it is not just a house, but has been a home with a zillion memories, all of which I have tightly wrapped in my fists and have shut them tight lest they escape...
Trips to the Indian grocery store, to the American grocery stores - collecting fruits, flowers and a ton of other Indian Pooja specific tid-bits, rendered me exhausted with a terrible back ache and unable to even stand up just before the day of the pooja!
The evening before, I did all that was expected of me...string the flowers, set up everything, soak the right ingredients to make the Prasadam (offering to God) the next day etc. etc. And that night - very late in the night something happened that changed the entire plan.
Mother nature had her own way of showing me how minuscule we were in the entire bigger game plan! A simple change at one point made the entire thing collapse like a deck of cards, pieces in a game of Dominoes.
Over and out- that's it! The whole thing changed. It was almost as if my un-willingness to let go of this home was turning to a reality.
Anyway, I geared up again the next week and this time around did what my instinct told me to do. It became a simple task of signifying an event that would mark a change, a happening and a move! It turned into a moment where positive thoughts pervaded, a moment where beautiful memories presented me reasons to smile about...all of this was no where on the plan.
And not ruled by the stars!
And when those stars align the next time, I know deep in my heart that they will bring with them a million reasons that will make me want to smile, a zillion reasons that will make me want to live all over again...and an infinite other reasons that will help me make someone other than me happy! Selflessly happy!
Till then I'll gaze at those twinkling, celestial objects...night after night...
Friday, August 7, 2009
What Rules?
We've all grown up hearing to "Do this, don't do that", "This is good, that is bad", "Don't say it this way, and do it that way" kind of rules. And I'm sure as very young kids we followed them, a few years later rebelled against them, a few more years later accepted them and so the cycle continues. They may be the same set of rules - which we accept and defy depending on various set of parameters governing that moment in time.
A very close buddy of mine is one of those people who thinks "rules? what rules?" for any given rule that crosses her path. A total rebel at that! There is another family member who thinks rules are rules and breaking them is complete blasphemy! And what do I think? I totally think every rule has an exception (too cliched perhaps!) and is so totally meant to be broken :-) I think they are made for convenience, created out of a necessity and hence can be modified for convenience - so that they serve the purpose of their existence! Aye? Nay?
I have had very heated discussions with very close friends of mine in the past - my point was always that if one believed in something and if rules were meant to be broken, then they simply had to be done. There is nothing that is right or wrong. It all lies within our perspective. It is all about how much one is willing to give..Aye? Nay? What say?
Can rules give us happiness? What use are those rules if they hurt you and those who live for you? And who made these rules in the first place? Isn't every rule an "interpretation" of sorts by you and thus rendering it a modification at some level by you?
Isn't it all about being afraid? Afraid to lose something? Then who are we calling cowards? Those that openly show it? or us who safely play the game by the rules, but would like to talk tall and heckle the cowards, who actually have the courage to be what they are out in the open? Ofcourse, they live by the rules...
It's all about being happy - so whatever works for each of us should be good! Yeah? :-) Like I always say - play the field with your own rules. There is nothing that is wrong or right.
The past is to be remembered fondly, bad happenings are meant to be purged, every hug and smile to be cherished - in the end live it in a way that makes you and those who love you happy!
Take care of yourself this weekend...you maybe precious to someone too.
This song is for you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ViOwA3vKVY
A very close buddy of mine is one of those people who thinks "rules? what rules?" for any given rule that crosses her path. A total rebel at that! There is another family member who thinks rules are rules and breaking them is complete blasphemy! And what do I think? I totally think every rule has an exception (too cliched perhaps!) and is so totally meant to be broken :-) I think they are made for convenience, created out of a necessity and hence can be modified for convenience - so that they serve the purpose of their existence! Aye? Nay?
I have had very heated discussions with very close friends of mine in the past - my point was always that if one believed in something and if rules were meant to be broken, then they simply had to be done. There is nothing that is right or wrong. It all lies within our perspective. It is all about how much one is willing to give..Aye? Nay? What say?
Can rules give us happiness? What use are those rules if they hurt you and those who live for you? And who made these rules in the first place? Isn't every rule an "interpretation" of sorts by you and thus rendering it a modification at some level by you?
Isn't it all about being afraid? Afraid to lose something? Then who are we calling cowards? Those that openly show it? or us who safely play the game by the rules, but would like to talk tall and heckle the cowards, who actually have the courage to be what they are out in the open? Ofcourse, they live by the rules...
It's all about being happy - so whatever works for each of us should be good! Yeah? :-) Like I always say - play the field with your own rules. There is nothing that is wrong or right.
The past is to be remembered fondly, bad happenings are meant to be purged, every hug and smile to be cherished - in the end live it in a way that makes you and those who love you happy!
Take care of yourself this weekend...you maybe precious to someone too.
This song is for you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ViOwA3vKVY
Monday, August 3, 2009
Feels Like Home - A Great Song
Ah! A song that has driven me crazy for the past three days! Cant stop humming :-) Listen on:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJjhGZwAJik
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJjhGZwAJik
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Very Inspiring - Team Hoyt
I was so inspired to read this story...made me realize yet another time that there is nothing impossible as long as you set your heart and your mind to it!
The athletic phenomenon that is known as Team Hoyt began one spring day in 1977. Rick was 15 at the time and came home from school asking his dad if they could run a five-mile road race together in their town of Westfield, Massachusetts, to benefit a local college athlete who'd been paralyzed in an auto accident. It was a strange request considering Rick's situation.
Cerebral palsy is a debilitating condition often caused by complications during pregnancy or at birth. In Rick's case, the umbilical cord got tangled around his neck, cutting off the oxygen supply to his brain and causing irreparable damage. His muscles chronically contract, hence the need for muscle relaxants...
At the time Rick asked to run that race, Dick was a 40-year-old nonrunner. When he and Rick got to the event, organizers saw the wheelchair, the disabled son, and the middle-aged dad and gave them a look that said, "You two won't make it past the first corner." They didn't know Dick.
Read the full story at the following link:
http://www.runnersworld.com/events/boston06/Mag_hoyt.html
The athletic phenomenon that is known as Team Hoyt began one spring day in 1977. Rick was 15 at the time and came home from school asking his dad if they could run a five-mile road race together in their town of Westfield, Massachusetts, to benefit a local college athlete who'd been paralyzed in an auto accident. It was a strange request considering Rick's situation.
Cerebral palsy is a debilitating condition often caused by complications during pregnancy or at birth. In Rick's case, the umbilical cord got tangled around his neck, cutting off the oxygen supply to his brain and causing irreparable damage. His muscles chronically contract, hence the need for muscle relaxants...
At the time Rick asked to run that race, Dick was a 40-year-old nonrunner. When he and Rick got to the event, organizers saw the wheelchair, the disabled son, and the middle-aged dad and gave them a look that said, "You two won't make it past the first corner." They didn't know Dick.
Read the full story at the following link:
http://www.runnersworld.com/events/boston06/Mag_hoyt.html
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
This is All It Takes
A warm smile
A tight hug
A glance that melts my heart
Moments when your silence speaks a thousand words
Little gestures that say and mean so much
Is this all it takes?
to make me want to live?
make me want to smile my widest smile?
make me want to be my best?
make me feel like I own the world?
Is this all it takes?
It makes me want to tell you that
You mean the world to me
You always did
and you always will - for as long as I breathe
And who are you to me?
of course my baby...
Thank you for being born..
A tight hug
A glance that melts my heart
Moments when your silence speaks a thousand words
Little gestures that say and mean so much
Is this all it takes?
to make me want to live?
make me want to smile my widest smile?
make me want to be my best?
make me feel like I own the world?
Is this all it takes?
It makes me want to tell you that
You mean the world to me
You always did
and you always will - for as long as I breathe
And who are you to me?
of course my baby...
Thank you for being born..
Monday, July 27, 2009
Some Wonderful Thoughts!
Somethings I recently read by Sri Sri. Thought they were a wonderful read. Here goes....
On Being Judgemental
Judgements are so subtle that you are not even aware of their existence. Judging or labeling someone as judgmental is also a judgement. Only in the state of Being when you are full of love and compassion can you ever be free from all judgements!
The More You Know
Purpose of words is to create silence. Does every word you speak create silence in others or does it create turbulence in their minds? Purpose of knowledge is to make you feel that you don’t know! If the knowledge makes you feel that you know it all, then it has not fulfilled its goal. The more you know, the more you become aware of the unknown. Knowing is just pushing the brick a little further towards ignorance.
Love and Surrender
Surrender and love are synonymous. Whomsoever you love, you surrender to them. It's not a doing but a state of being when the mind is free of doubts and troubles.
Words
If you manipulate words, it is a lie; If you play on words, it is a joke; If you rely on words, it is ignorance;If you transcend words, it is wisdom.
On Being Judgemental
Judgements are so subtle that you are not even aware of their existence. Judging or labeling someone as judgmental is also a judgement. Only in the state of Being when you are full of love and compassion can you ever be free from all judgements!
The More You Know
Purpose of words is to create silence. Does every word you speak create silence in others or does it create turbulence in their minds? Purpose of knowledge is to make you feel that you don’t know! If the knowledge makes you feel that you know it all, then it has not fulfilled its goal. The more you know, the more you become aware of the unknown. Knowing is just pushing the brick a little further towards ignorance.
Love and Surrender
Surrender and love are synonymous. Whomsoever you love, you surrender to them. It's not a doing but a state of being when the mind is free of doubts and troubles.
Words
If you manipulate words, it is a lie; If you play on words, it is a joke; If you rely on words, it is ignorance;If you transcend words, it is wisdom.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Better Late Than Never
This is where I open my heart out to..a blank page that has all the patience to listen to me, my feelings, my outbursts, my anger, my joy and everything else that happens in between. I have no fear of it judging me, of ridiculing me - it simply waits for me to tell to it all that I want to - ever so patiently. I sometimes kid myself that some day soon it will grow hands to cradle my head on it's shoulders :-)
It is on one of these last days of July many many years ago that I lost my little brother to an accident. Life was wonderful, protected and complete up until that point.
It was about 5:30 in the evening - he came home from school and I was in the backyard doing something with the plants. My mom gave him a snack that was his favorite and he was in a rush to run off to play with the other kids nearby. I heard her call after him to come back soon before it got too dark. I peaked in too to shout a bye, but he was off. So, I just kept quiet not making a big deal of it...
I never realized that I'll never ever get a chance again to say that bye...for he never came back home. He was simply gone. That's all.
Life from that point on has never been the same to say the least - and I realize it more and more as my own stress and loneliness in life seems to grow along with me...
I have been told to forget the past, move on, be happy and so many more things - all in good intention I admit. How is it possible when I have never been given a chance to mourn? I haven't even begun to shed my tears in peace - for I always have had to hold onto them just for that one more time and for when I would be done taking care of something or someone who needed me more at that moment...
I have also been accused of trying to fill that void with other people, other relationships - well, what choices does a hungry, homeless, beggar really have? He takes whatever comes his way and lovingly treasures it. Am I any different?
Again who needs sympathy.Expecting a little love from this world was asking way too much for it - so why burden these poor souls is what I learnt. They have nothing to offer in return...but, you know what? The world is still a beautiful place, full of wonderful people - they are like innocent children who take what they want from you with both their hands, not waiting for any formalities. It is the thought that they think that you belong to them that is important and is the beauty of it! That is enough happiness I think..
Among many other emotions that come and go, one related thought is about "Acceptance". It is a simple word that is easy to preach, but extremely difficult to practice. To be able to close your eyes, trust and accept a person, a something and all that comes your way is probably the final truth that goes beyond all religion, all sentiments and everything else that is bigger than life itself.
My litle whisper - love those little moments, those people, honor those sentiments and treasure everything between "now" and "after" - there maybe no tomorrow isn't it?
Each wound has it's own grave and a compartment...one can still be happy. General bliss and happiness can live along with all the pain.
But when it comes to burying it, seems to raise it's head - visible only to the one who wants to go away from it - strange isn't it?
After all these years - a very simple thought crosses my mind. A truth that I should have realized for all these years - When you laugh, you laugh with people who you think are a part of your life in some way...but when you cry, you cry alone....all alone.
This does not belittle those around us, it is also not because there is no one ready to cry with you, but because those tears don't have the same meaning when shed by anyone other than you...the very meaning gets changed...
You and only you can feel it, live it and let it go. It's most dignified thing to do.
This was all there was to it wasn't it? So simple..yet so elusive...took a lifetime to get here and will take another to live it.
Better late than never...
It is on one of these last days of July many many years ago that I lost my little brother to an accident. Life was wonderful, protected and complete up until that point.
It was about 5:30 in the evening - he came home from school and I was in the backyard doing something with the plants. My mom gave him a snack that was his favorite and he was in a rush to run off to play with the other kids nearby. I heard her call after him to come back soon before it got too dark. I peaked in too to shout a bye, but he was off. So, I just kept quiet not making a big deal of it...
I never realized that I'll never ever get a chance again to say that bye...for he never came back home. He was simply gone. That's all.
Life from that point on has never been the same to say the least - and I realize it more and more as my own stress and loneliness in life seems to grow along with me...
I have been told to forget the past, move on, be happy and so many more things - all in good intention I admit. How is it possible when I have never been given a chance to mourn? I haven't even begun to shed my tears in peace - for I always have had to hold onto them just for that one more time and for when I would be done taking care of something or someone who needed me more at that moment...
I have also been accused of trying to fill that void with other people, other relationships - well, what choices does a hungry, homeless, beggar really have? He takes whatever comes his way and lovingly treasures it. Am I any different?
Again who needs sympathy.Expecting a little love from this world was asking way too much for it - so why burden these poor souls is what I learnt. They have nothing to offer in return...but, you know what? The world is still a beautiful place, full of wonderful people - they are like innocent children who take what they want from you with both their hands, not waiting for any formalities. It is the thought that they think that you belong to them that is important and is the beauty of it! That is enough happiness I think..
Among many other emotions that come and go, one related thought is about "Acceptance". It is a simple word that is easy to preach, but extremely difficult to practice. To be able to close your eyes, trust and accept a person, a something and all that comes your way is probably the final truth that goes beyond all religion, all sentiments and everything else that is bigger than life itself.
My litle whisper - love those little moments, those people, honor those sentiments and treasure everything between "now" and "after" - there maybe no tomorrow isn't it?
Each wound has it's own grave and a compartment...one can still be happy. General bliss and happiness can live along with all the pain.
But when it comes to burying it, seems to raise it's head - visible only to the one who wants to go away from it - strange isn't it?
After all these years - a very simple thought crosses my mind. A truth that I should have realized for all these years - When you laugh, you laugh with people who you think are a part of your life in some way...but when you cry, you cry alone....all alone.
This does not belittle those around us, it is also not because there is no one ready to cry with you, but because those tears don't have the same meaning when shed by anyone other than you...the very meaning gets changed...
You and only you can feel it, live it and let it go. It's most dignified thing to do.
This was all there was to it wasn't it? So simple..yet so elusive...took a lifetime to get here and will take another to live it.
Better late than never...
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Pari Hoon Mein
Monday, July 20, 2009
Hard To Say Good-Bye
A time comes in everyone's lives to say good bye - to a place, a thing, a person. I'm sure you have said your own at some point...
Saying good-bye has always been very tough for me. Back home I never went to a railway station to drop off friends, relatives or even my parents if they ever went out of town! My cousins who visited me always took offense that I played and had fun with them, but when it came to seeing them off I always went missing :-)
I so clearly remember an occasion when we were living in Delhi. It was about 4:30 AM in the morning. I heard some noises and woke up. We lived on the second floor and had an enclosed balcony that overlooked a busy street - well, every street in a city like Delhi is a busy street :-)
Coming to the balcony, I saw that my neighbour's newly wedded daughter was being seen off to her in-laws'home along with her husband of 2 days...
I sat there and watched the whole 'Bidai' program for the next 45 minutes, sobbing along...
I was the subject of many jokes related to this incident for a long long time!
Selling off a less used car - I wondered that night how my car would be doing in a remote place with strangers as it's new owners.
Such have been my sentiments about saying good-bye even to lifeless objects. It hurts even to think that we will see even those strangers for the last time...
friends you make during a train journey, a short bus ride, a flight to another country always end on a sad note of having to say that good-bye...
And I have been made fun of too -by family and friends for being so, but well this is me!
And now - I've to move! To a newer place. Away from this one that holds a million memories...and it simply tears me to think of moving away from all of those too...
But, well there is no option either - and yes, I have the confidence that a greater force that has watched over for all this while will continue to do so...
Saying good-bye has always been very tough for me. Back home I never went to a railway station to drop off friends, relatives or even my parents if they ever went out of town! My cousins who visited me always took offense that I played and had fun with them, but when it came to seeing them off I always went missing :-)
I so clearly remember an occasion when we were living in Delhi. It was about 4:30 AM in the morning. I heard some noises and woke up. We lived on the second floor and had an enclosed balcony that overlooked a busy street - well, every street in a city like Delhi is a busy street :-)
Coming to the balcony, I saw that my neighbour's newly wedded daughter was being seen off to her in-laws'home along with her husband of 2 days...
I sat there and watched the whole 'Bidai' program for the next 45 minutes, sobbing along...
I was the subject of many jokes related to this incident for a long long time!
Selling off a less used car - I wondered that night how my car would be doing in a remote place with strangers as it's new owners.
Such have been my sentiments about saying good-bye even to lifeless objects. It hurts even to think that we will see even those strangers for the last time...
friends you make during a train journey, a short bus ride, a flight to another country always end on a sad note of having to say that good-bye...
And I have been made fun of too -by family and friends for being so, but well this is me!
And now - I've to move! To a newer place. Away from this one that holds a million memories...and it simply tears me to think of moving away from all of those too...
But, well there is no option either - and yes, I have the confidence that a greater force that has watched over for all this while will continue to do so...
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
A Year Later
A whole year has again gone by - from the last significant day in my life to this one.
Last evening I was reflecting on what a year it has been - incredible was the word that came to me! The events - both good and bad, the people I've met, the opportunities I have been presented with, the tears I've flown - for joy and sorrow and all that I've learnt - incredible! The person I've become and grown up into wouldn't have been possible without all of these...
I'm grateful - and grateful that it has come round a full circle. That's the feeling I'll sleep with tonight and also start the year tomorrow too...
This song when I heard felt very appropriate given where I stand at this very significant juncture of my life - life as it pivots on that single point of strength, happiness and inspiration - so sharing it here for you my reader to listen to!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZNDhPCc2Wo
Last evening I was reflecting on what a year it has been - incredible was the word that came to me! The events - both good and bad, the people I've met, the opportunities I have been presented with, the tears I've flown - for joy and sorrow and all that I've learnt - incredible! The person I've become and grown up into wouldn't have been possible without all of these...
I'm grateful - and grateful that it has come round a full circle. That's the feeling I'll sleep with tonight and also start the year tomorrow too...
This song when I heard felt very appropriate given where I stand at this very significant juncture of my life - life as it pivots on that single point of strength, happiness and inspiration - so sharing it here for you my reader to listen to!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZNDhPCc2Wo
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Ulysses
I happened to chance upon this poem again at the library a few days ago. During my college days, the following excerpt from Ulysses by Lord Tennyson was my favourite.
Sharing this with you my reader - enjoy!
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
Sharing this with you my reader - enjoy!
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Turn Around
There's so much to write - but, I'm trying to pick a topic...it's one of those days when I'm trying to overcome my anger, my urge to do so many things.
But no - I have tasted the power of controlling those thoughts and emotions - so I tell myself that I have to try them all out and turn around at this point...
Then I wonder - is it really possible to change one's innate nature totally? The basic instinct totally? I doubt it. It is not about masking those raw emotions with anything, but it maybe about finding an alternative energy to balance them out.
How can you gauge the intensity of those when every time they hit you, they are all new and have never occurred before? What happens to the theory of handling them and balancing them out? Shouldn't everything be negated with an equal and opposite force?
Or maybe one learns to build that intelligence into self to build it better and stronger for the next time it occurs...maybe that's what learning is all about...who knows.
But no - I have tasted the power of controlling those thoughts and emotions - so I tell myself that I have to try them all out and turn around at this point...
Then I wonder - is it really possible to change one's innate nature totally? The basic instinct totally? I doubt it. It is not about masking those raw emotions with anything, but it maybe about finding an alternative energy to balance them out.
How can you gauge the intensity of those when every time they hit you, they are all new and have never occurred before? What happens to the theory of handling them and balancing them out? Shouldn't everything be negated with an equal and opposite force?
Or maybe one learns to build that intelligence into self to build it better and stronger for the next time it occurs...maybe that's what learning is all about...who knows.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Beautiful Song
Listen to this - very catchy tune. The singer has done a great job with it :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJEfRTXOdhQ
A videoless high quality audio only is available below - I had a blast listening to it at high volume surround sound!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQ7EArad4pE&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJEfRTXOdhQ
A videoless high quality audio only is available below - I had a blast listening to it at high volume surround sound!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQ7EArad4pE&NR=1
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Buddha's Path To Enlightenment
I recently read a very interesting article/rather question on Buddha's path to enlightenment and about how he left everything and everybody. It tried to reflect on the pain of abandonment that Buddha's beloved must have experienced. What became of them? Isn't it self serving and irresponsible to walk out on one's life partner, spouses or children?
It has evoked very deep thoughts inside me on fundamental responsibilities/ duties towards ourselves, our relationships and towards people who love and depend on us.
What becomes more important and is considered a duty or the purpose of one's existence? Duty to self or to your loved ones?
I will continue to search for my answers...
Till then, continue to fulfill your duties and remember to be in a state of bliss - for that is what you are meant to be in!!!
It has evoked very deep thoughts inside me on fundamental responsibilities/ duties towards ourselves, our relationships and towards people who love and depend on us.
What becomes more important and is considered a duty or the purpose of one's existence? Duty to self or to your loved ones?
I will continue to search for my answers...
Till then, continue to fulfill your duties and remember to be in a state of bliss - for that is what you are meant to be in!!!
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Take Away
I went to a Yoga re-retreat over this weekend. The rolling hills, surrounded by a valley on one side and the ocean on the other side with a low fog - just the first sight made me hold my breath for a few seconds. The mere beauty of nature was simply splendid!
We had various panel discussions, insights into the 'Maha Vakyas', yoga, meditation, singing and everything else that appealed to me! It was a home coming in a vague way for me - it seemed like it was custom made just for me!
On one of the evenings as I stood there all by myself, watching the golden Sun set behind the horizon and the Golden Gate bridge in my background - what I experienced at that moment was a feeling of 'Advaita'.
The mere feeling of humility one feels in front of the majestic beauty is something one has to experience!
I simply stood there and prayed - not to any God, or deity. But to Mother nature... I wished for each of my friends, my acquaintances, people I love and am loved by - and all those that have ever touched my life to be blessed! With peace, happiness and health!
My biggest take away from this weekend was simply that it is important "To exist and not to persist". It is this moment and now. There is no right or wrong. There is no good or bad. And, who are we to judge. We simply live that's all!
So live, let live and be happy - that's all matters!
PS: I'll post pictures tomorrow :-)
We had various panel discussions, insights into the 'Maha Vakyas', yoga, meditation, singing and everything else that appealed to me! It was a home coming in a vague way for me - it seemed like it was custom made just for me!
On one of the evenings as I stood there all by myself, watching the golden Sun set behind the horizon and the Golden Gate bridge in my background - what I experienced at that moment was a feeling of 'Advaita'.
The mere feeling of humility one feels in front of the majestic beauty is something one has to experience!
I simply stood there and prayed - not to any God, or deity. But to Mother nature... I wished for each of my friends, my acquaintances, people I love and am loved by - and all those that have ever touched my life to be blessed! With peace, happiness and health!
My biggest take away from this weekend was simply that it is important "To exist and not to persist". It is this moment and now. There is no right or wrong. There is no good or bad. And, who are we to judge. We simply live that's all!
So live, let live and be happy - that's all matters!
PS: I'll post pictures tomorrow :-)
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A Story In Those Eyes
When those eyes smile
When those very eyes cry
When those eyes shower all that love
When those very eyes can haunt
When those eyes can hide a lifetime of secrets in them...
I wish to see nothing but happiness in them - always!
A song for this weekend:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZL_dpb_6Lo
When those very eyes cry
When those eyes shower all that love
When those very eyes can haunt
When those eyes can hide a lifetime of secrets in them...
I wish to see nothing but happiness in them - always!
A song for this weekend:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZL_dpb_6Lo
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
A great song!
My mother always sang this song and while I was browsing for something, I stumbled upon this - very thrilled to share this "Purandara Dasa Kriti" with you. This movie clip also has a situation where the two Carnatic Maestros "Annamacharya" and "Purandara Dasa" come face to face, which I found very interesting.
It is in Kannada - but, music has no language. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACaTtl8383U&feature=related
It is in Kannada - but, music has no language. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACaTtl8383U&feature=related
Monday, June 29, 2009
Those First Impressions!
I have always seen at various stages of my life that certain first impressions I have/get/create about people and things always come back to me a full circle!
Lots of things have transpired in my life in the last week - I have travelled to different planes mentally and have discovered newer horizons that I didn't think existed even..
The only thing that I have also discovered with some element of surprise is how our gut feel, our first impressions usually hold strong even when time and events transpire before, after and through the very same dimension!
I'm sure you have had many such events too and may have felt or realized the same thought too...
I also realized how truth is in-destructible - a something that time cannot influence. Once the truth always the truth!
I'm overwhelmed with this thought and wanted to share with you my reader that there is a greater good out there that nullifies all the small blips we endure...
Hold onto to those first impressions and you are not usually wrong may I say?
Found this very soothing music from Pt. Ravi Shankar's "Chants of India" - enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8vZVuPjrGw&feature=related
Lots of things have transpired in my life in the last week - I have travelled to different planes mentally and have discovered newer horizons that I didn't think existed even..
The only thing that I have also discovered with some element of surprise is how our gut feel, our first impressions usually hold strong even when time and events transpire before, after and through the very same dimension!
I'm sure you have had many such events too and may have felt or realized the same thought too...
I also realized how truth is in-destructible - a something that time cannot influence. Once the truth always the truth!
I'm overwhelmed with this thought and wanted to share with you my reader that there is a greater good out there that nullifies all the small blips we endure...
Hold onto to those first impressions and you are not usually wrong may I say?
Found this very soothing music from Pt. Ravi Shankar's "Chants of India" - enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8vZVuPjrGw&feature=related
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
He Said, She Said - What Will They Say?
Every single waking moment of our lives and also when we sleep, there is a sub-conscious activity that is constantly running - He said that, she said this, they will say this or that...goes on and on...
It is obviously very easy to say "ignore it. why should You bother about all this?" But, No! It is not so easy to ignore it and is in fact a little un-natural to do so.
Because we are human and supposedly have an intellect (Gnana) acting upon us, we naturally analyze, debate and try to reason while we run through our minds various what-if scenarios, a million times a day if not more :-)
The idea is to let those thoughts come and the greater goal is to simply observe them without getting involved - with what is called a "Sakshi Bhava" or with an attitude of being just a witness! Once we make this practice a normal behaviour, the rate of occurrence of those perturbing thoughts will reduce - will require time and patience...
A small and an interesting story I was recently told by someone I look upto:
A Guruji was approached by one of his devotees (Siddhartha) asking how he could stop the villagers from making fun of him and hurting him constantly. He also said he did all the right things and never did anything to hurt anyone. So, the Guruji told him to simply ignore them. After a few days Siddartha came back saying the torture from the villagers continued.
The Guruji thought for a while and gave Siddartha a small vessel filled to the brim with oil. He asked Siddartha to go round the village 3 times without spilling a drop of oil. This charm would work if and only if there was not a single drop of oil spilt!
So, Siddartha was thrilled that finally he had found a tool to relieve himself of the grief from the villagers.
He very cautiously took the vessel with the oil and completed walking round the village 3 times.
Once he returned, the Guruji asked him if all had gone well and if the charm worked -that is the villagers were now behaving themselves?
Siddartha immediately beamed up and said "Guruji, YES! the charm worked! Not a single villager talked - forget about good or bad. They were simply quiet! I don't know ow to re-pay you for this!"
The Guruji laughed and said - "Siddartha, it is not the villagers. Infact they would have made fun of you more than ever to see a man head bent low and walking with a vessel in hand round and round the village. It was YOU who were so focused on the vessel that ignored them, and hence did not hear what they said or did! This is what I want you to practice in your every day life - your sole focus being on that one single point of equilibrium, a point that gives you the balance and inner peace/happiness and go through life without paying heed to anyone or anything that they say - this is the very key to happiness!"
Siddartha went home with this realization.
I love this story for it's simplicity and the message it brings - I want you to do the same.
I'm trying to..join me in this search..
Try and discover your "self" - find that vessel filled with oil, the inner self that belongs to you and only you...that point of balance. Once you have found it, there is nothing else that you will need or want...
Have a wonderful day!
It is obviously very easy to say "ignore it. why should You bother about all this?" But, No! It is not so easy to ignore it and is in fact a little un-natural to do so.
Because we are human and supposedly have an intellect (Gnana) acting upon us, we naturally analyze, debate and try to reason while we run through our minds various what-if scenarios, a million times a day if not more :-)
The idea is to let those thoughts come and the greater goal is to simply observe them without getting involved - with what is called a "Sakshi Bhava" or with an attitude of being just a witness! Once we make this practice a normal behaviour, the rate of occurrence of those perturbing thoughts will reduce - will require time and patience...
A small and an interesting story I was recently told by someone I look upto:
A Guruji was approached by one of his devotees (Siddhartha) asking how he could stop the villagers from making fun of him and hurting him constantly. He also said he did all the right things and never did anything to hurt anyone. So, the Guruji told him to simply ignore them. After a few days Siddartha came back saying the torture from the villagers continued.
The Guruji thought for a while and gave Siddartha a small vessel filled to the brim with oil. He asked Siddartha to go round the village 3 times without spilling a drop of oil. This charm would work if and only if there was not a single drop of oil spilt!
So, Siddartha was thrilled that finally he had found a tool to relieve himself of the grief from the villagers.
He very cautiously took the vessel with the oil and completed walking round the village 3 times.
Once he returned, the Guruji asked him if all had gone well and if the charm worked -that is the villagers were now behaving themselves?
Siddartha immediately beamed up and said "Guruji, YES! the charm worked! Not a single villager talked - forget about good or bad. They were simply quiet! I don't know ow to re-pay you for this!"
The Guruji laughed and said - "Siddartha, it is not the villagers. Infact they would have made fun of you more than ever to see a man head bent low and walking with a vessel in hand round and round the village. It was YOU who were so focused on the vessel that ignored them, and hence did not hear what they said or did! This is what I want you to practice in your every day life - your sole focus being on that one single point of equilibrium, a point that gives you the balance and inner peace/happiness and go through life without paying heed to anyone or anything that they say - this is the very key to happiness!"
Siddartha went home with this realization.
I love this story for it's simplicity and the message it brings - I want you to do the same.
I'm trying to..join me in this search..
Try and discover your "self" - find that vessel filled with oil, the inner self that belongs to you and only you...that point of balance. Once you have found it, there is nothing else that you will need or want...
Have a wonderful day!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Migraine
Painful and excruciating are two words that come to my mind when I hear it...and I have one since last evening :-(
Bright lights, people, talking, loud sounds and everything else seems like putting some salt on an open wound.
Many triggers exist - and some maybe be specific to some individuals.
Cure? Nothing I really have heard of - at least a permanent cure that is. There are tons of prevention techniques :-)
More information is available at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine
The Pranayam technique "Nadi Shuddhi" is said to help and I plan on doing at least 27 rounds of it today...try it. It has wonderful effects and even more wonderful side-effects :-)
Have a great week!
Bright lights, people, talking, loud sounds and everything else seems like putting some salt on an open wound.
Many triggers exist - and some maybe be specific to some individuals.
Cure? Nothing I really have heard of - at least a permanent cure that is. There are tons of prevention techniques :-)
More information is available at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine
The Pranayam technique "Nadi Shuddhi" is said to help and I plan on doing at least 27 rounds of it today...try it. It has wonderful effects and even more wonderful side-effects :-)
Have a great week!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Happy Father's Day
Wish all the dads a very Happy Father's Day!
Enjoy this song on this special day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2ecvklFmCY
Enjoy this song on this special day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2ecvklFmCY
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Song For The Weekend
I got two requests asking me about the song for this weekend :-) Sorry I'm late :-) Here you go - enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bp1abpd3WL0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bp1abpd3WL0
Thursday, June 18, 2009
The Two Sides
The room was silent - except for the movie on the television...
"Gayatri sat by the window and watched the moonlight...
She waited for the phone to ring. Waited for Vivek's call. She kept looking at it - willing for it to ring. She was at the same time afraid - almost didn't want it to ring. What if she said something that made him angry? upset him? She would never want that either. She cared for him more than herself at some level, and all she wanted was for him to be happy.
She thought she belonged to some retro movie with these thoughts - but, when it happened to her, it felt very normal. She hadn't even thought these thoughts were even possible leave alone a reality.
She wanted to say so much and open her heart and her thoughts to him - but never got a chance to. There were times when she held herself back too - for the fear of upsetting him in some way.
She wanted Vivek to know that she pined for his presence every waking moment. And she was sure that he didn't even know what that meant. Every small thing she did, she wanted his approval, his ideas...
She thought - Vivek doesn't even know that she hadn't washed some of her clothes since he had last left home...hadn't gone to those restaurants, had sat at the same spots on her couch, drank from the same cup day after day, wore the same perfume....and hadn't done anything with anyone else - all those little things they had done together. She had decided that she would wait for a lifetime and that was all she wanted him to know...and in some strange way also did not want him to know at the same time!. It wasn't to burden him with any expectations at all. But, it was a reality for her about how much she needed his presence in her life - even at a very remote, peripheral level...it was simply the essence of her existence..."
The screen flickered.
Aw! Anu had tears brimming in her eyes - but then she got up and got herself a drink...she thought "These movies make me weep. God! are these women even real in this age and time?"
A self-made, open minded woman like Anu didn't believe in these sentiments...
The alcohol did it's trick and she felt much better now...after a hard day's work...
Then she turned to check her email on her phone...he hadn't responded yet. Ashish - the person her life revolved was too busy for her...she wasn't even sure if he would come home tonight to see her...
She caught herself as she despaired...wasn't she the same as Gayatri in that movie? Weren't the sentiments almost similar?
It didn't matter to who it happened...but, some sentiments transcend time and age..maybe this was one.
Thoughts flowed...
Isn't it that happiness and sorrow are two sides of the same coin?. It was upto one which side one chooses to see. They always co-exist. Don't they? It is a choice one makes - the choice to ignore one over the other.
And both these sides are a part of us. It is only a brief manifestation of one over the other at any given moment. It is that acceptance of both that ensures equilibrium.
Anu flicked the television off...
"Gayatri sat by the window and watched the moonlight...
She waited for the phone to ring. Waited for Vivek's call. She kept looking at it - willing for it to ring. She was at the same time afraid - almost didn't want it to ring. What if she said something that made him angry? upset him? She would never want that either. She cared for him more than herself at some level, and all she wanted was for him to be happy.
She thought she belonged to some retro movie with these thoughts - but, when it happened to her, it felt very normal. She hadn't even thought these thoughts were even possible leave alone a reality.
She wanted to say so much and open her heart and her thoughts to him - but never got a chance to. There were times when she held herself back too - for the fear of upsetting him in some way.
She wanted Vivek to know that she pined for his presence every waking moment. And she was sure that he didn't even know what that meant. Every small thing she did, she wanted his approval, his ideas...
She thought - Vivek doesn't even know that she hadn't washed some of her clothes since he had last left home...hadn't gone to those restaurants, had sat at the same spots on her couch, drank from the same cup day after day, wore the same perfume....and hadn't done anything with anyone else - all those little things they had done together. She had decided that she would wait for a lifetime and that was all she wanted him to know...and in some strange way also did not want him to know at the same time!. It wasn't to burden him with any expectations at all. But, it was a reality for her about how much she needed his presence in her life - even at a very remote, peripheral level...it was simply the essence of her existence..."
The screen flickered.
Aw! Anu had tears brimming in her eyes - but then she got up and got herself a drink...she thought "These movies make me weep. God! are these women even real in this age and time?"
A self-made, open minded woman like Anu didn't believe in these sentiments...
The alcohol did it's trick and she felt much better now...after a hard day's work...
Then she turned to check her email on her phone...he hadn't responded yet. Ashish - the person her life revolved was too busy for her...she wasn't even sure if he would come home tonight to see her...
She caught herself as she despaired...wasn't she the same as Gayatri in that movie? Weren't the sentiments almost similar?
It didn't matter to who it happened...but, some sentiments transcend time and age..maybe this was one.
Thoughts flowed...
Isn't it that happiness and sorrow are two sides of the same coin?. It was upto one which side one chooses to see. They always co-exist. Don't they? It is a choice one makes - the choice to ignore one over the other.
And both these sides are a part of us. It is only a brief manifestation of one over the other at any given moment. It is that acceptance of both that ensures equilibrium.
Anu flicked the television off...
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Those Rains!
When I spoke with a friend in India last week, she told me that it was raining cats and dogs!
Ah! the smell of rain. I remember those days when I sat by the window, a book in my hand and sipped a hot cup of filter coffee...
The sound of the pouring rain outside and the feeling of being cuddled up in a blanket watching it is something one has to experience and simply cannot be put into words...
It always makes me nostalgic - makes me very sentimental...
A rainy day always makes me also hum this song - listen to it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GY-5VSPYNB4&feature=related
Ah! the smell of rain. I remember those days when I sat by the window, a book in my hand and sipped a hot cup of filter coffee...
The sound of the pouring rain outside and the feeling of being cuddled up in a blanket watching it is something one has to experience and simply cannot be put into words...
It always makes me nostalgic - makes me very sentimental...
A rainy day always makes me also hum this song - listen to it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GY-5VSPYNB4&feature=related
Today's Song
When looks could kill :-) Is there such a thing? In the poetic world probably, and that is if you recognize the possibility of more than one death!
Before I mess with the swarm of bees, here's a beautiful song to enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vqRyfy1_ys
Before I mess with the swarm of bees, here's a beautiful song to enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vqRyfy1_ys
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Honest Fun!
The schools are out and summer holidays are here!
We have a little park/play area right behind our home and a lot of kids come in the evening to play there. The summer season sees a huge traffic till the schools re-open again!
This evening, my little one was playing with some of her buddies and I watched as she laughed and rolled in the grass while they tagged each other :-) And then I saw her walk away in a huff - little politics you see :-)
I just went there to see what was going on, and thought it was best to get them all together and start a new game.
So, I tried cajoling the bigger girls to come join - uh, uh. They didn't budge. Instead one of them told me that she had too many friends to play with! I loved it - the little attitude and everything:-) It is adorable! You must go to a park one of these days and watch them - you'll see the little games they play with each other, the teams and everything. Oh! it is a lot of fun!
Then I switched my strategy a little and collected all the older boys. We formed a large circle, at least 20 of us and played a very old game I used to play as a kid. That of a sheep and a fox. The sheep is in the middle of the circle and the fox is outside, trying to grab the sheep. The circle holds their hands very tightly and tries to save the little sheep from the fox! The game is really really fun in a large group!Not to mention everyone present there joined our fun eventually :-)
Then we played another game that I knew back in our school days - "Kho-Kho". The kids never knew about this game and they simply loved it when they got the hang of it!
After about 2 hours, they didn't want to go home and wanted more :-)
We parted with a promise to return every evening!
Will it happen every evening, I don't know. But, I know that my little friends will all be waiting for me! And I'll try to go back there for sure one of these days - why? because, I felt like a kid again too!
Simple, honest games - we seem to be losing them as we get caught up in this big tangle of the Wiis, PS3 and whatever else is out there that comes between those little legs itching to run, little arms ready for a little fist fight, that energy that cannot be contained in a chair - those little smiles bright and that turn even more beautiful on a shiny, face full of sweat! Smelly, sweaty, dirty and beaming!
Let them go....run, be wild, and be themselves - happy and innocent...
We have a little park/play area right behind our home and a lot of kids come in the evening to play there. The summer season sees a huge traffic till the schools re-open again!
This evening, my little one was playing with some of her buddies and I watched as she laughed and rolled in the grass while they tagged each other :-) And then I saw her walk away in a huff - little politics you see :-)
I just went there to see what was going on, and thought it was best to get them all together and start a new game.
So, I tried cajoling the bigger girls to come join - uh, uh. They didn't budge. Instead one of them told me that she had too many friends to play with! I loved it - the little attitude and everything:-) It is adorable! You must go to a park one of these days and watch them - you'll see the little games they play with each other, the teams and everything. Oh! it is a lot of fun!
Then I switched my strategy a little and collected all the older boys. We formed a large circle, at least 20 of us and played a very old game I used to play as a kid. That of a sheep and a fox. The sheep is in the middle of the circle and the fox is outside, trying to grab the sheep. The circle holds their hands very tightly and tries to save the little sheep from the fox! The game is really really fun in a large group!Not to mention everyone present there joined our fun eventually :-)
Then we played another game that I knew back in our school days - "Kho-Kho". The kids never knew about this game and they simply loved it when they got the hang of it!
After about 2 hours, they didn't want to go home and wanted more :-)
We parted with a promise to return every evening!
Will it happen every evening, I don't know. But, I know that my little friends will all be waiting for me! And I'll try to go back there for sure one of these days - why? because, I felt like a kid again too!
Simple, honest games - we seem to be losing them as we get caught up in this big tangle of the Wiis, PS3 and whatever else is out there that comes between those little legs itching to run, little arms ready for a little fist fight, that energy that cannot be contained in a chair - those little smiles bright and that turn even more beautiful on a shiny, face full of sweat! Smelly, sweaty, dirty and beaming!
Let them go....run, be wild, and be themselves - happy and innocent...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Karma Yoga
The past couple days have been a little rough, and these are times when I like to get my strength from philosophy.
This afternoon was one of those times and I read the below section of the Bhagavad Geeta that talks about Karma Yoga. Beautifully written - read it slowly and with an open mind! I'm sure you'll enjoy it too! Very Beautifully said!
arjuna uvaca
jyayasi cet karmanas te
mata buddhir janardana
tat kim karmani ghore mam
niyojayasi kesava
arjunah--Arjuna; uvaca--said; jyayasi--speaking very highly; cet--although; karmanah--than fruitive action; te--Your; mata--opinion; buddhih--intelligence; janardana--O Krsna; tat--therefore; kim--why; karmani--in action; ghore--ghastly; mam--me; niyojayasi--engaging me; kesava--O Krsna.
Arjuna said: O Janardana, O Kesava, why do You urge me to engage in this ghastly warfare, if You think that intelligence is better than fruitive work?
The Supreme Personality of Godhead Sri Krishna has very elaborately described the constitution of the soul in some of the chapters of the Geeta - with a view to deliver His intimate friend Arjuna from the ocean of material grief. And the path of realization has been recommended is: buddhi-yoga.
Understanding Karma Yoga:
Karma Yoga is essentially Acting, or doing one's duties in life as per his/her dharma, or duty, without concern of results - a sort of constant sacrifice of action to the Supreme. It is action done without thought of gain. In a more modern interpretation, it can be viewed as duty bound deeds done without letting the nature of the result affecting one's actions. Krishna advocates Nishkam Karma (Selfless Action) as the ideal path to realize the Truth. Allocated work done without expectations, motives, or thinking about its outcomes tends to purify one's mind and gradually makes an individual fit to see the value of reason and the benefits of renouncing the work itself. These concepts are vividly described in the following verses:
"To action alone hast thou a right and never at all to its fruits; let not the fruits of action be thy motive; neither let there be in thee any attachment to inaction"
"Fixed in yoga, do thy work, O Winner of wealth (Arjuna), abandoning attachment, with an even mind in success and failure, for evenness of mind is called yoga"
"With the body, with the mind, with the intellect, even merely with the senses, the Yogis perform action toward self-purification, having abandoned attachment. He who is disciplined in Yoga, having abandoned the fruit of action, attains steady peace..."
In order to achieve true liberation, it is important to control all mental desires and tendencies to enjoy sense pleasures. The following verses illustrate this:
"When a man dwells in his mind on the object of sense, attachment to them is produced. From attachment springs desire and from desire comes anger."
"From anger arises bewilderment, from bewilderment loss of memory; and from loss of memory, the destruction of intelligence and from the destruction of intelligence he perishes"
This afternoon was one of those times and I read the below section of the Bhagavad Geeta that talks about Karma Yoga. Beautifully written - read it slowly and with an open mind! I'm sure you'll enjoy it too! Very Beautifully said!
arjuna uvaca
jyayasi cet karmanas te
mata buddhir janardana
tat kim karmani ghore mam
niyojayasi kesava
arjunah--Arjuna; uvaca--said; jyayasi--speaking very highly; cet--although; karmanah--than fruitive action; te--Your; mata--opinion; buddhih--intelligence; janardana--O Krsna; tat--therefore; kim--why; karmani--in action; ghore--ghastly; mam--me; niyojayasi--engaging me; kesava--O Krsna.
Arjuna said: O Janardana, O Kesava, why do You urge me to engage in this ghastly warfare, if You think that intelligence is better than fruitive work?
The Supreme Personality of Godhead Sri Krishna has very elaborately described the constitution of the soul in some of the chapters of the Geeta - with a view to deliver His intimate friend Arjuna from the ocean of material grief. And the path of realization has been recommended is: buddhi-yoga.
Understanding Karma Yoga:
Karma Yoga is essentially Acting, or doing one's duties in life as per his/her dharma, or duty, without concern of results - a sort of constant sacrifice of action to the Supreme. It is action done without thought of gain. In a more modern interpretation, it can be viewed as duty bound deeds done without letting the nature of the result affecting one's actions. Krishna advocates Nishkam Karma (Selfless Action) as the ideal path to realize the Truth. Allocated work done without expectations, motives, or thinking about its outcomes tends to purify one's mind and gradually makes an individual fit to see the value of reason and the benefits of renouncing the work itself. These concepts are vividly described in the following verses:
"To action alone hast thou a right and never at all to its fruits; let not the fruits of action be thy motive; neither let there be in thee any attachment to inaction"
"Fixed in yoga, do thy work, O Winner of wealth (Arjuna), abandoning attachment, with an even mind in success and failure, for evenness of mind is called yoga"
"With the body, with the mind, with the intellect, even merely with the senses, the Yogis perform action toward self-purification, having abandoned attachment. He who is disciplined in Yoga, having abandoned the fruit of action, attains steady peace..."
In order to achieve true liberation, it is important to control all mental desires and tendencies to enjoy sense pleasures. The following verses illustrate this:
"When a man dwells in his mind on the object of sense, attachment to them is produced. From attachment springs desire and from desire comes anger."
"From anger arises bewilderment, from bewilderment loss of memory; and from loss of memory, the destruction of intelligence and from the destruction of intelligence he perishes"
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The Real You
Last night I dreamt of you
There you were talking and laughing
I wondered if it was for real
Telling me things I never knew
Chiding me for things I didn't do
Praising me for things I did
I wondered if it was for real
Fighting my complains
Fighting my ideas
Accepting my views
Accepting my beliefs
Telling me your's
Accepting me for who I was
I wondered if it was for real
You were resplendent in the sunshine
I thought it was a glow from within you and basked in it
Your eyes shone a bright shine
I thought it was from the knowledge within you and admired them
You talked a great many ideas
I thought they were your own and applauded them
And then as the Sun set
In that light when it was neither light or dark
I saw that side of you that told me
that you really were real
I turned you and saw that you were broken in the back
were made of glass and cracking
with just the front and nothing in the back
A hollow side that was hidden from the facade
I then realized who you were
Nothing but an empty broken piece of glass with just a front
And all you did was shine when the Sun shone and disappeared when darkness fell
That's who you were
And that's who you really are
A piece of glass
A mere piece of broken glass
And the crazy me tries to treasure it
And put it together
And pretend it's a diamond
And I wonder if it is real
And you call yourself Life...
There you were talking and laughing
I wondered if it was for real
Telling me things I never knew
Chiding me for things I didn't do
Praising me for things I did
I wondered if it was for real
Fighting my complains
Fighting my ideas
Accepting my views
Accepting my beliefs
Telling me your's
Accepting me for who I was
I wondered if it was for real
You were resplendent in the sunshine
I thought it was a glow from within you and basked in it
Your eyes shone a bright shine
I thought it was from the knowledge within you and admired them
You talked a great many ideas
I thought they were your own and applauded them
And then as the Sun set
In that light when it was neither light or dark
I saw that side of you that told me
that you really were real
I turned you and saw that you were broken in the back
were made of glass and cracking
with just the front and nothing in the back
A hollow side that was hidden from the facade
I then realized who you were
Nothing but an empty broken piece of glass with just a front
And all you did was shine when the Sun shone and disappeared when darkness fell
That's who you were
And that's who you really are
A piece of glass
A mere piece of broken glass
And the crazy me tries to treasure it
And put it together
And pretend it's a diamond
And I wonder if it is real
And you call yourself Life...
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Still My Fav. Song
Got to hear it again and I had to put it here one more time! Wow! love this song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwnCMv--L9Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwnCMv--L9Y
The Digital Mind
Yesterday PM - a phone call from a cousin. Went like this..
"Hey, has been soo long since I heard your voice!How have you been? What is going on with you these days. Tell me...tell me. Missed chatting with you - think of talking to you so many times - life is so busy you know..."
I sat there and thought - And, why didn't the call happen?
Another friend - wish you were at the movies with us! And, why wasn't I there? Because she never told me about it.
I have been going through this phase in the last couple of weeks - I call it the "Weed-Out" phase of my life!
Why? Because, I have realized that my mind functions best in a digital way :-) Really. I'm the happiest when I see things black or white. Right or wrong - I don't know. But, is true for me. Either it is there or isn't. Things are best understood that way - by me :-)
The fuzzy state confuses me - BIG time! It always did, and I've spent years trying to analyse, adjust and re-adjust everything around me to plug into that space. Realized I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole!
People not even remotely concerned even though you are thought about/are special, relatives oozing affection the minute they see you - and you cease to exist once out of sight/the phone put down, friends - who don't even remember the special days in your life, and everyone else - for who your presence/absence doesn't make a big difference .....don't cut it anymore!!!
I almost called, I kept thinking about you, I wish you were there, I thought I should give this to you, I meant to tell you this and that...uh..uh...I'm done putting brownies against them.
So, the digital logic of being in a state of "1" or "0" I think is a hassle-free way of prioritizing everything - people, relationships, tasks and whatever else....
The reason I write this is to share with you the sense of freedom and relief it offers - free from all expectations and imaginary tangles that are not needed.Works for me. Will it for you? Maybe or maybe not. Try.
And before I leave you...is it a "1" or a "0" between me as your blogger and you as my reader? :-)
Either way...have a good one!!!
"Hey, has been soo long since I heard your voice!How have you been? What is going on with you these days. Tell me...tell me. Missed chatting with you - think of talking to you so many times - life is so busy you know..."
I sat there and thought - And, why didn't the call happen?
Another friend - wish you were at the movies with us! And, why wasn't I there? Because she never told me about it.
I have been going through this phase in the last couple of weeks - I call it the "Weed-Out" phase of my life!
Why? Because, I have realized that my mind functions best in a digital way :-) Really. I'm the happiest when I see things black or white. Right or wrong - I don't know. But, is true for me. Either it is there or isn't. Things are best understood that way - by me :-)
The fuzzy state confuses me - BIG time! It always did, and I've spent years trying to analyse, adjust and re-adjust everything around me to plug into that space. Realized I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole!
People not even remotely concerned even though you are thought about/are special, relatives oozing affection the minute they see you - and you cease to exist once out of sight/the phone put down, friends - who don't even remember the special days in your life, and everyone else - for who your presence/absence doesn't make a big difference .....don't cut it anymore!!!
I almost called, I kept thinking about you, I wish you were there, I thought I should give this to you, I meant to tell you this and that...uh..uh...I'm done putting brownies against them.
So, the digital logic of being in a state of "1" or "0" I think is a hassle-free way of prioritizing everything - people, relationships, tasks and whatever else....
The reason I write this is to share with you the sense of freedom and relief it offers - free from all expectations and imaginary tangles that are not needed.Works for me. Will it for you? Maybe or maybe not. Try.
And before I leave you...is it a "1" or a "0" between me as your blogger and you as my reader? :-)
Either way...have a good one!!!
Friday, June 5, 2009
A Guy or A Girl?
I sometimes wonder - what if I were a guy? This is a very common thought. You may have thought about it too, at some point - I mean the opposite of what you currently are:-)
It happens to me in certain social settings - a get-together, a party or a casual water-cooler banter. I want to say something that would so totally be me - a very sincere remark, a compliment, an urge to slap their shoulder, a comment or something so trivial and so natural. It may be the most appropriate reaction in that situation even - I do it at times, but I hold myself back.
Why? Because, there are some gestures that may not be gender appropriate or be acceptable given my or the opposite person's parameters!
I also see that some of the comments I make or some of the thoughts I express may have had a different impact if I were a guy. The opposite may also be true. I would like to think of it that way too!
And not just the gender - there are so many parameters that weigh the way your ideas/thoughts are received too. People do attach a lot of "other" factors or rather "read-into" your actions and comments/ideas sometimes missing out the whole point and failing to take it face value!
And I on my part feel burdened! Did I hear you say I'm shy? Maybe a little in some cases - but not shy to express my feelings and ideas, but way too aware of the before and after, the impact, the various other factors, what-if analysis, and the whole picture kind of shy...I admit.
Now does this border on the line of overly caring for the "other" factors? Maybe. Heavily depends on how you view it. I care - a lot for people. And hence stems the action of caring for their sentiments.
Need to learn to ignore? Maybe needed ..
A possibility? Trying ..
Will happen? Possible ..
When? Happens when it happens :-)
It is far fetched to imagine that you can let go and be yourself under all circumstances. There is a reality check that exists - visible or invisible.
And, it would be wonderful to push this barrier to a a newer limit and be yourself ...express very honest opinions, true feelings, thoughts in an unadulterated way and be YOU ...your very own true self!
Another road into self-growing....
Have a great one and here's the song for this weekend - I love this song!!! almost in the spirit of what I wrote above:-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SDolTyAbes&feature=related
It happens to me in certain social settings - a get-together, a party or a casual water-cooler banter. I want to say something that would so totally be me - a very sincere remark, a compliment, an urge to slap their shoulder, a comment or something so trivial and so natural. It may be the most appropriate reaction in that situation even - I do it at times, but I hold myself back.
Why? Because, there are some gestures that may not be gender appropriate or be acceptable given my or the opposite person's parameters!
I also see that some of the comments I make or some of the thoughts I express may have had a different impact if I were a guy. The opposite may also be true. I would like to think of it that way too!
And not just the gender - there are so many parameters that weigh the way your ideas/thoughts are received too. People do attach a lot of "other" factors or rather "read-into" your actions and comments/ideas sometimes missing out the whole point and failing to take it face value!
And I on my part feel burdened! Did I hear you say I'm shy? Maybe a little in some cases - but not shy to express my feelings and ideas, but way too aware of the before and after, the impact, the various other factors, what-if analysis, and the whole picture kind of shy...I admit.
Now does this border on the line of overly caring for the "other" factors? Maybe. Heavily depends on how you view it. I care - a lot for people. And hence stems the action of caring for their sentiments.
Need to learn to ignore? Maybe needed ..
A possibility? Trying ..
Will happen? Possible ..
When? Happens when it happens :-)
It is far fetched to imagine that you can let go and be yourself under all circumstances. There is a reality check that exists - visible or invisible.
And, it would be wonderful to push this barrier to a a newer limit and be yourself ...express very honest opinions, true feelings, thoughts in an unadulterated way and be YOU ...your very own true self!
Another road into self-growing....
Have a great one and here's the song for this weekend - I love this song!!! almost in the spirit of what I wrote above:-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SDolTyAbes&feature=related
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Borrowed Time
On my way back from work today, I had nothing but the radio to keep me company.
I'm addicted to NPR anyway :-) It's a different story that these days I also do get very irate when I hear all those great people with stellar achievements, from all kinds of universities sit there analysing/re-analysing the same topic over and over again - my anger stems from the fact that all these big heads put together couldn't stop the country and indirectly the world from going to dogs. The economic mess we are all in - where were these people? Drinking coffee or hiking in the mountains? How could all of us be blind sighted this way? Or is there a hint of a nexus here?
Anyway that's an entirely different discussion. I'm not even nearly as qualified enough to debate on the issue.
But in my opinion, the country/world doesn't need more MBAs or engineers. It needs better humans. We can manage with what we have as long as we care for this human race and have the right intentions to make it work. That's what I struggle with day in and day out.
Today I found out that one of my friends wife has been diagnosed with cancer in the intestine and has been operated upon. And what does that mean? Borrowed time. That's what it means.
Another friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She has been in and out of Stanford hospital in the last 3 months. What does that mean? Borrowed time again.
Time these people spend away from their children, people they love - how will they justify those last few years/days? What would be a worthy cause to not be with people they care for and instead be at work or at something else they need to do versus they would have done?
And what happens to their goals, objectives, career moves and everything else they would have done to make themselves fall into the category of being "Successful" - a definition they arrived upon or created by the society.
And with all of this hanging on each of us like a Damocles's sword, we pretend as if we are so in control of tomorrow. Maybe ignorance is bliss in this scenario. Live for today and not for tomorrow is after all a good practice.
It is very easy to say and so very difficult to practice - isn't it? I little discomfort is so unbearable in our lives. Are we only talking lofty ideals here? Maybe and maybe not.
The little games, the egos, the hide-seek we all play every single day of lives is what makes this game so fake. It provides spice to live? Maybe another way of looking at it.
Maybe a very cynical view, a pragmatic view or even a pessimistic view - like it or not, I think each of us are living on borrowed time. We all have a finite number of breaths to breathe. Yes, could be hundreds or thousands - but it is very finite.
And we need to make these moments of our lives precious, worthwhile and memorable! Don't let them float away...we will never be able to re-live them - again, ever!
Yes, there is also the very enthusiastic, positive side of me that tells that there is so much to do and so little time! True. But, in that little time we need to prioritize what we do and don't do. Do you agree?
It's a weird thing I always think - on the day I lie on my death bed, who or what will I think of? Ask yourself this question. You will be surprised that your sub-conscious will have some answers ready for you. These impressions are not what you may have formed in the last few months/years. These are people or situations that have left those impressions on you. Deep inside.
Positive or negative is the next question.
I want to be remembered by all those who will ever care to think of me in their last few breaths, in a good way - in a very positive way. Not as someone who hurt them in any way. Never! At least I'll always try not to - till the end. Why? Because, I think that's where you score your final brownie points - rest everything in between only happens. For this final score to happen, it'll take a lifetime!
On the risk of sounding like a preacher, I urge each one of you to be grateful for every day you get, be humane, be kind - tell people who care for you that you are always there for them, don't run away from situations in a cowardly fashion, stand up for them/for you!
In the end - smile a lot!!!
I'm addicted to NPR anyway :-) It's a different story that these days I also do get very irate when I hear all those great people with stellar achievements, from all kinds of universities sit there analysing/re-analysing the same topic over and over again - my anger stems from the fact that all these big heads put together couldn't stop the country and indirectly the world from going to dogs. The economic mess we are all in - where were these people? Drinking coffee or hiking in the mountains? How could all of us be blind sighted this way? Or is there a hint of a nexus here?
Anyway that's an entirely different discussion. I'm not even nearly as qualified enough to debate on the issue.
But in my opinion, the country/world doesn't need more MBAs or engineers. It needs better humans. We can manage with what we have as long as we care for this human race and have the right intentions to make it work. That's what I struggle with day in and day out.
Today I found out that one of my friends wife has been diagnosed with cancer in the intestine and has been operated upon. And what does that mean? Borrowed time. That's what it means.
Another friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She has been in and out of Stanford hospital in the last 3 months. What does that mean? Borrowed time again.
Time these people spend away from their children, people they love - how will they justify those last few years/days? What would be a worthy cause to not be with people they care for and instead be at work or at something else they need to do versus they would have done?
And what happens to their goals, objectives, career moves and everything else they would have done to make themselves fall into the category of being "Successful" - a definition they arrived upon or created by the society.
And with all of this hanging on each of us like a Damocles's sword, we pretend as if we are so in control of tomorrow. Maybe ignorance is bliss in this scenario. Live for today and not for tomorrow is after all a good practice.
It is very easy to say and so very difficult to practice - isn't it? I little discomfort is so unbearable in our lives. Are we only talking lofty ideals here? Maybe and maybe not.
The little games, the egos, the hide-seek we all play every single day of lives is what makes this game so fake. It provides spice to live? Maybe another way of looking at it.
Maybe a very cynical view, a pragmatic view or even a pessimistic view - like it or not, I think each of us are living on borrowed time. We all have a finite number of breaths to breathe. Yes, could be hundreds or thousands - but it is very finite.
And we need to make these moments of our lives precious, worthwhile and memorable! Don't let them float away...we will never be able to re-live them - again, ever!
Yes, there is also the very enthusiastic, positive side of me that tells that there is so much to do and so little time! True. But, in that little time we need to prioritize what we do and don't do. Do you agree?
It's a weird thing I always think - on the day I lie on my death bed, who or what will I think of? Ask yourself this question. You will be surprised that your sub-conscious will have some answers ready for you. These impressions are not what you may have formed in the last few months/years. These are people or situations that have left those impressions on you. Deep inside.
Positive or negative is the next question.
I want to be remembered by all those who will ever care to think of me in their last few breaths, in a good way - in a very positive way. Not as someone who hurt them in any way. Never! At least I'll always try not to - till the end. Why? Because, I think that's where you score your final brownie points - rest everything in between only happens. For this final score to happen, it'll take a lifetime!
On the risk of sounding like a preacher, I urge each one of you to be grateful for every day you get, be humane, be kind - tell people who care for you that you are always there for them, don't run away from situations in a cowardly fashion, stand up for them/for you!
In the end - smile a lot!!!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Folk Art
Summer is fast approaching and it is less than 2 weeks away for the schools to close down. My little one is so enthused about the whole thing - and keeps making plans on what she wants to do and how she is going to do that and this.
Last evening she came up with ideas on how she will set up a lemonade stand and how she will run it! I was pretty amused to hear that she will set it up very close to the common area play structure behind my house so that she can get more kids to buy the lemonade! BTW, she is pricing the lemonade at $20 a glass - pretty pricey I would say! Talk about entrepreneurship :-)
I on my part have decided that I will spend the last couple of weeks of July exclusively with her - but, that also brings with it the additional responsibility of what I will entertain her with...
So, I was thinking of various ideas - and I wanted to start off with telling her some folk tales and also that together we try and learn a few folk songs!
I have to do ground work to get to that point and have begun doing my digging around:-)
The folk songs, the stories, the theatre and everything else associated with it is so rich and unadulterated! The melodious songs have pearls of wisdom embedded within them; life truths and morals weaved into those very interesting stories!
But the more I look around, the more I see how fast we are losing all of that knowledge that was accumulated over centuries - there isn't much patronising done in preserving that wealth!
I'll run a small series on this in my postings to come...
On the songs - I love this particular song/story - it's in Kannada. Watch/listen to it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ck7XA3ovajs&feature=related
Last evening she came up with ideas on how she will set up a lemonade stand and how she will run it! I was pretty amused to hear that she will set it up very close to the common area play structure behind my house so that she can get more kids to buy the lemonade! BTW, she is pricing the lemonade at $20 a glass - pretty pricey I would say! Talk about entrepreneurship :-)
I on my part have decided that I will spend the last couple of weeks of July exclusively with her - but, that also brings with it the additional responsibility of what I will entertain her with...
So, I was thinking of various ideas - and I wanted to start off with telling her some folk tales and also that together we try and learn a few folk songs!
I have to do ground work to get to that point and have begun doing my digging around:-)
The folk songs, the stories, the theatre and everything else associated with it is so rich and unadulterated! The melodious songs have pearls of wisdom embedded within them; life truths and morals weaved into those very interesting stories!
But the more I look around, the more I see how fast we are losing all of that knowledge that was accumulated over centuries - there isn't much patronising done in preserving that wealth!
I'll run a small series on this in my postings to come...
On the songs - I love this particular song/story - it's in Kannada. Watch/listen to it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ck7XA3ovajs&feature=related
Friday, May 29, 2009
Song For The Weekend
Another week gone by...and what a week it has been!!!
A busy weekend for some, a relaxing weeknd for some, a lonely weekend for some, a social weekend for some and a physically taxing weekend for some like me...I have my Yoga classes - so, there is not much sleep in the morning and no looong coffee sessions like I'd love to :-)
Here is the song - it is in Telugu - listen to it, you may even like it. The context is the girl asking the guy why he loves her, and he says I don't know why except that my heart beats for you...I won't spoil it - listen to the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BO_SAqnryPA&feature=related
A busy weekend for some, a relaxing weeknd for some, a lonely weekend for some, a social weekend for some and a physically taxing weekend for some like me...I have my Yoga classes - so, there is not much sleep in the morning and no looong coffee sessions like I'd love to :-)
Here is the song - it is in Telugu - listen to it, you may even like it. The context is the girl asking the guy why he loves her, and he says I don't know why except that my heart beats for you...I won't spoil it - listen to the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BO_SAqnryPA&feature=related
The Race
This morning when I was with my little one and she was again throwing her tantrums about why she doesn't like to eat breakfast, I was getting creative with my ideas to convince her why it was important for her.
A little background on this too - she is one of those kids who I cannot bribe if she doesn't want to do something. I even was worried about this and raised it with her pediatrician who spoke at length with me and convinced me that this is a wonderful trait that I should not corrupt - and that if she can stand strong at this age against temptations (including candies or doesn't care for what her peers think) it will help her stand up for herself in her teens and her adult years. She has even strictly told me to not mess with her personality and try to change her :-)
Yesterday I was telling her about how some of the kids won the spelling bee. And she said "why does one have to go to the stage to tell you spellings mama? I can do the same sitting here too" :-)
And last evening she also told me how she answered a question in the class about why the shells make noise. I'm told she was the only one who knew the answer and walked up to the front of the class and said "The air moves into the shell, comes out, and moves into your ear and come out" That creates the crying sound. She also made sure she said that she loved shells :-)
So, back to the breakfast scene. I told her - "If you eat your breakfast you will be able to answer more questions today and run faster than your friends on the play ground" (she is in the running club of her class by the way and is proud of her laps - so was using the carrot there!).
She thought for a minute and said - "In school, why do I need to always race with my friends Mama?"
I had nothing much to say - as I needed to really think the answer through. I was silent for a long time. I did tell her it's okay if she didn't want to...
The part is that she simply doesn't believe in it...at 4 feet tall, she seems to be her own lord and master :-) A little firebrand that is ready to take on our system of competitions, of comparisons and all that goes with it... :-)
I on my part, have some thinking to do - on the best way to handle her strength and still be able to mold her into being a better fit in this society that runs on these values - good or bad, I don't know. But a reality....
A little background on this too - she is one of those kids who I cannot bribe if she doesn't want to do something. I even was worried about this and raised it with her pediatrician who spoke at length with me and convinced me that this is a wonderful trait that I should not corrupt - and that if she can stand strong at this age against temptations (including candies or doesn't care for what her peers think) it will help her stand up for herself in her teens and her adult years. She has even strictly told me to not mess with her personality and try to change her :-)
Yesterday I was telling her about how some of the kids won the spelling bee. And she said "why does one have to go to the stage to tell you spellings mama? I can do the same sitting here too" :-)
And last evening she also told me how she answered a question in the class about why the shells make noise. I'm told she was the only one who knew the answer and walked up to the front of the class and said "The air moves into the shell, comes out, and moves into your ear and come out" That creates the crying sound. She also made sure she said that she loved shells :-)
So, back to the breakfast scene. I told her - "If you eat your breakfast you will be able to answer more questions today and run faster than your friends on the play ground" (she is in the running club of her class by the way and is proud of her laps - so was using the carrot there!).
She thought for a minute and said - "In school, why do I need to always race with my friends Mama?"
I had nothing much to say - as I needed to really think the answer through. I was silent for a long time. I did tell her it's okay if she didn't want to...
The part is that she simply doesn't believe in it...at 4 feet tall, she seems to be her own lord and master :-) A little firebrand that is ready to take on our system of competitions, of comparisons and all that goes with it... :-)
I on my part, have some thinking to do - on the best way to handle her strength and still be able to mold her into being a better fit in this society that runs on these values - good or bad, I don't know. But a reality....
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Is that Me or You?
In those moments
When I see you and nothing but you
I wonder
Is that Me or You
In those moments
When there is no right or wrong
And I seem to be swept up in a flood
I wonder
Is that Me or You
In those moments
When the entire world ceases to be
And I hear nothing but the words you speak
I wonder
Is that Me or You
In those moments
When I wish to give you so much
And I have nothing but love to offer
I wonder
Is that Me or You
In those moments
When I want to stop time
And when I try to hold on to that glimpse
I wonder
Is that Me or You
In those moments
When I'm overwhelmed with joy
When I'm engulfed with emotions that rock me
When from my very being want nothing but your side
It dawns on me that I don't need to
I realize that
You are really Me
I realize that
time and space are helpless
in taking You apart from Me
You really are Me...
When I see you and nothing but you
I wonder
Is that Me or You
In those moments
When there is no right or wrong
And I seem to be swept up in a flood
I wonder
Is that Me or You
In those moments
When the entire world ceases to be
And I hear nothing but the words you speak
I wonder
Is that Me or You
In those moments
When I wish to give you so much
And I have nothing but love to offer
I wonder
Is that Me or You
In those moments
When I want to stop time
And when I try to hold on to that glimpse
I wonder
Is that Me or You
In those moments
When I'm overwhelmed with joy
When I'm engulfed with emotions that rock me
When from my very being want nothing but your side
It dawns on me that I don't need to
I realize that
You are really Me
I realize that
time and space are helpless
in taking You apart from Me
You really are Me...
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Late by only Forty Two Years !
This evening, my parents are leaving to visit Bangalore (India and in Karnataka state)!
I'm happy. And why so happy? And what's special about this visit? Here's the story...
My dad worked in the Karnataka State Government as a Civil Engineer for a many number of years and also in a division of the army that had some connection with the Public Works Department and the Housing Board - it was called the Land Army!
So, for many many years he built dams and bridges his very significant work being that of saving the "Aikya Mantapa" in Koodala Sangama (Karnataka) near a small town called "Bagalkot".
We lived in this small town and enjoyed living a simple, quiet life for a few years.
He would commute in the early hours of dawn and come back very late in the night, covered in red dust! The soil in those regions is red soil. My mother would faithfully wait for him night after night and serve him a hot meal even at the wee hours of the morning at times.
Being a part of constructing the "TungaBhadra dam" across the river of "Thugabhadra" (and also the Moola Brindavana of the Madhwa saint Guru Raghavendra is located on banks of Tungabhadra at Mantralayam), the "Anagwadi dam" near Bagalkot,
the rescue by designing and constructing the Aikya Mantapa at Koodala Sangam (as there was risk of it being submerged), implementing pile foundations and exploring mud architecture for the hundreds of homes he has built across Karnataka, are some of the things he thinks are the highlights of his career as a civil engineer!
We are equally proud of him too!
With that background, I have to also mention that he used to travel to Bangalore every fortnight for various meetings and always by his car - to emphasize that no reservations were involved.He used to leave at about 4:00 PM in the afternoon from Gulbarga (another place we lived) and travel the night to Bangalore. He travelled from various places to Bangalore every 15 days, stayed in Bangalore for a month sometimes, knew the ins and out of the city. He would come back and tell us stories of what he did - like he loves going to the MTR Tiffin Room, staying at the West End Hotel, the movies he watched - like he had seen "ABBA The movie" on one of those trips.
He used to bring back gramophone records for us, dresses for me and sweets that I had never seen before.
This was done for many many years - and every single time my mother pleaded with him to take her along!
She so badly wanted to see the city of Bangalore. He never took her requests seriously enough. Even the driver used to ask him if he wanted to bring the family along, and my dad always gave him a deaf ear. When all he had to do was ask us/her to pack her bags and sit in the vehicle with him. It never happened. And now after about 42 years of their marriage, he has finally agreed to take her to Bangalore - that happens to be today! And this I also owe to my sister-at-heart! Not possible without her!
Now you see why I'm so excited :-)
To top it all and to make me a little guilty, even I had the opportunity to visit this city a few times. Went to Brigade road with friends, hung out in coffee shops and Archies Gallery in Jaya Nagar, stayed in Basaweshwar Nagar, visited people in Benson Town and did a million things - and believe me, I missed my mom during all those times!
So, today I called her and told her to go all those places, every one of them - sit on the steps of the Vidhana Soudha" (I have a picture from my school days sitting there) and take pictures for me! I'm waiting to see them :-)
I'm happy that she is finally doing what she has dreamt to do with my dad for 42 years! Never too late I guess...
She also has a dream of visiting the Udipi Krishna and Karwar, Mangalore areas.
One day I'll take her there too...
I'm happy. And why so happy? And what's special about this visit? Here's the story...
My dad worked in the Karnataka State Government as a Civil Engineer for a many number of years and also in a division of the army that had some connection with the Public Works Department and the Housing Board - it was called the Land Army!
So, for many many years he built dams and bridges his very significant work being that of saving the "Aikya Mantapa" in Koodala Sangama (Karnataka) near a small town called "Bagalkot".
We lived in this small town and enjoyed living a simple, quiet life for a few years.
He would commute in the early hours of dawn and come back very late in the night, covered in red dust! The soil in those regions is red soil. My mother would faithfully wait for him night after night and serve him a hot meal even at the wee hours of the morning at times.
Being a part of constructing the "TungaBhadra dam" across the river of "Thugabhadra" (and also the Moola Brindavana of the Madhwa saint Guru Raghavendra is located on banks of Tungabhadra at Mantralayam), the "Anagwadi dam" near Bagalkot,
the rescue by designing and constructing the Aikya Mantapa at Koodala Sangam (as there was risk of it being submerged), implementing pile foundations and exploring mud architecture for the hundreds of homes he has built across Karnataka, are some of the things he thinks are the highlights of his career as a civil engineer!
We are equally proud of him too!
With that background, I have to also mention that he used to travel to Bangalore every fortnight for various meetings and always by his car - to emphasize that no reservations were involved.He used to leave at about 4:00 PM in the afternoon from Gulbarga (another place we lived) and travel the night to Bangalore. He travelled from various places to Bangalore every 15 days, stayed in Bangalore for a month sometimes, knew the ins and out of the city. He would come back and tell us stories of what he did - like he loves going to the MTR Tiffin Room, staying at the West End Hotel, the movies he watched - like he had seen "ABBA The movie" on one of those trips.
He used to bring back gramophone records for us, dresses for me and sweets that I had never seen before.
This was done for many many years - and every single time my mother pleaded with him to take her along!
She so badly wanted to see the city of Bangalore. He never took her requests seriously enough. Even the driver used to ask him if he wanted to bring the family along, and my dad always gave him a deaf ear. When all he had to do was ask us/her to pack her bags and sit in the vehicle with him. It never happened. And now after about 42 years of their marriage, he has finally agreed to take her to Bangalore - that happens to be today! And this I also owe to my sister-at-heart! Not possible without her!
Now you see why I'm so excited :-)
To top it all and to make me a little guilty, even I had the opportunity to visit this city a few times. Went to Brigade road with friends, hung out in coffee shops and Archies Gallery in Jaya Nagar, stayed in Basaweshwar Nagar, visited people in Benson Town and did a million things - and believe me, I missed my mom during all those times!
So, today I called her and told her to go all those places, every one of them - sit on the steps of the Vidhana Soudha" (I have a picture from my school days sitting there) and take pictures for me! I'm waiting to see them :-)
I'm happy that she is finally doing what she has dreamt to do with my dad for 42 years! Never too late I guess...
She also has a dream of visiting the Udipi Krishna and Karwar, Mangalore areas.
One day I'll take her there too...
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Anniversary
Sometimes it takes very cliched, very simple, very predictable reasons for two people to drift apart and lose each other forever. When you hear or read about them, you would think - all this for something so elementary? Not so easy - the suffering is colossal no matter what created it and is also unique to the people involved, that is if there was even an atom of honesty and truth ever involved.
Pause for those few seconds to think about the circumstances. You will see the pain and the reasons why they did what they did before you sum them up and write them off.
One such story...
Jaya looked out of the window at the mad swaying of the tall palm trees...the wind was howling and a dust storm was beginning to take form.
She watched nature unleash her fury as she sat by the window in the comfort of her cozy room.
"I envy mother nature. She empties all her feelings without any fear or pressure of hiding them" thought Jaya. The storm inside her threatened to swirl and break free as if to compete with the one outside.
But Jaya stayed composed - at least she seemed to for the outside world..and sipped her coffee. She always did that. The person who was forced to brave the ugly side of life over and over again with a put up face of strength. Circumstances didn't grant her luxury of crumbling down and breaking up in a million pieces like she would have wanted to.
It was exactly this day two years ago - she recalled that day as if it was now and today! She was wearing a red skirt and a white top with her hair lose. The sun was streaming into the room and there was the fragrance of the jasmines that wafted through. Today was the day when she had imagined that she had won the world over!
Ashish told her that she looked beautiful as ever! Just those words made her so happy - not because she cared about her looks, but because Ashish thought she looked beautiful! He made her feel like the prettiest woman ever! That was how much she valued him, his thoughts, his feelings and everything about him...
Ashish had also whispered to her that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him - and she had fallen into his arms at those very utterances. It wasn't the first time that she had heard them, but this was different. This was real. This was forever. She felt alive and consumed. This was what she had lived for - and there could never have been a better day. She with her Ashish...
A week from thereon was the morning she and Ashish would always dread to remember.
As they sat at the table, she had said to Ashish in a firm tone - a tone that reflected the last shred of courage within her being, one which she was afraid would break down if he challenged it even the slightest bit. She was desperately putting it on for him.
The words poured out - "Ashish, I don't think this marriage is going anywhere." She paused to absorb the sound of them and shuddered at how ugly they sounded. She continued; "It's all my fault. It's not you. You deserve someone better Ashish. And, I can't take this anger, tension and fights between us - day after day. I want to live too, in my own way. I want to go away from your life...some place far away where you will not even see me ever. I want you to know that I will always love you"
Ashish was stunned. This was unreal for him. "Jaya, what are you even saying? What is wrong with out marriage? I think you are imagining these problems. These are common issues that happen between every man and wife. Please don't be in a haste and do something that both of us will regret". He pleaded. He wept. He was angry. He did everything he could to stop the unstoppable and his last attempt being "Jaya, no one does this to someone they care about. This is absurd". Nothing worked.
Jaya went ahead with all that she said was the fate of their relationship. She made her worst nightmares come true.She couldn't even imagine this could ever be true.But she did it to them and to herself.
And why? Because one phone call on that fateful evening had changed everything between them. Changed the very dimensions of their relationship.
Yes, two years ago - one evening of that fateful week. Ashish was on a call with his buddy from school days. He was catching up ...and she stood just outside the bedroom door that was left ajar. She didn't mean to overhear their conversation. It was bad manners. But, his sentences tied her down to the spot...Ashish was saying into the phone to his friend Sameer..."No, I have no plans for the long weekend"
"Yeah, you guys have to do so much running around with the kids" Sameer must have steered the conversation to that of the kids. The dreaded topic.
They had been trying to have a baby for sometime with no happy outcome. And both of them were fighting their own battles on that front. The infertility specialist Jaya had seen had told her that the chances of her carrying a baby were pretty remote given her issues. And every time she cried before Sameer about it, he joked and said that having one baby (her) was enough for him. He didn't seem to take it seriously enough. He joked and made it seem like it wasn't a big deal to be unable to have children.
The doctor's visit that morning hadn't gone well at all. There was no hope was the conclusion. She hadn't yet had a chance to talk to Ashish about this yet from that morning's doctor visit.
And then the phone conversation...
Ashish had continued into the phone - "Yeah Sameer, I know we have to have kids and everything. But you know, God isn't fair to everyone. He gives all these kids to the workers and beggars on the street who can't even feed those little ones and here there are people like Jaya and me who would do anything to have that little bundle in our hands. But no, fate has to play it's own cruel jokes...well, it kills me too when I see kids play in that park, and I want my own too...I have no choice Sameer. Jaya can't do it, and it's a reality for our marriage..."
Jaya then had shut the door softly and walked over to the patio with her cup of coffee in hand.
She was numbed - with what she had heard, about how much Sameer really wanted a baby and it killed her to know it this way. Why he hadn't opened up to her? Why? What was she to do? why was it a burden on her to solve everything between her and everyone else she dealt with - she wasn't imagining any of it. It always happened and was real.
That month, Jaya began getting treated for depression - taking those happy pills to make her mood better. Even a smile felt very difficult. Her world crumbled slowly and steadily around her...bit by bit...
Two months from that evening on, in the most unimaginale way, she had moved away from Ashish's life. Forever.
He was broken, he was sad, and devastated. He wondered what had gone wrong suddenly. And the only answer she gave him was that they were different people and had to choose their own paths before they ended up hating each other. Some deep rooted wounds rendered some relationships beyond repair. And he reminded her of her failure as a woman. She said her depression was getting worser because of the unhappiness in the house. And he thought this was an extreme step to take - to resolve fights that occurred in every household. She ignore his opinion with all she left in her.
But, he was helpless too. She was his world and he wanted her happy in the end.He felt he didn't have the strength to support her through her health issues, her depression and everything else...maybe it was just easier for them to go their ways he thought much against his own feelings about how he would have chosen for things to be.
In the days that followed, she turned herself into a rag doll - sleeping pills, happy pills and everything else came and went in a blurr.
She had convinced Ashish that he was better off without her in his life.
She was like this little girl who with her own hands broke her favorite doll into a million pieces and then sobbed at the sight...held those scattered pieces in her hands and cried with tears that ripped her heart open. who could she explain this to? how could she put in words why she had done it?
What could explain her misery night after night when she sobbed into her pillow. Who was there to wipe her tears? Who would sing silly songs to her, crack silly jokes and shout "I love you" in the car to her when it went through tunnels?
Was she a fool to have made a mess for herself? What or who could she explain to about how she felt? She talked to herself, sang to herself, did little things to make herself smile - she tried and tried very hard to build herself - atom by atom...one single painful step at a time.
She felt as though pain had patterns. It was crazy but she could visualize her pain in patterns. There were times she went back and had to start all over again. Why? Because she had to! Some people don't have choices.
Ashish had moved on. He had met Maya at a party, and had married her. They were now expecting their baby!
Did people miss each other in times of grief or of happiness? Which one deserved to be shared? what deserved the dignity and the honor given the bond that was and had been? who knows...maybe it varies with each individual.
She sat in the car outside the park this evening. She went there some days to make her feel sane - their happy, innocent laughter cured it all for her.
Then she saw them. Hand in hand - walking in the park. Ashish looked happy and so did Maya!
It is the feeling that someone is looking at you probably that did it , but at that instant Ashish looked her way. He stopped in his tracks and after a few moments that made time stand still, met her eyes and very slowly turned his head away. A face he had cherished, the sight he adored had been shunned by him. It was as if she were transparent...they walked on...
A few more minutes passed. Jaya started the engine and very slowly turned the car away from the park. As she looked in the rear view mirror and saw Ashish's smiling face in the distance, she knew in her heart that she had made the right decision.
She had hurt him because she loved him in her own way - would he ever understand that? She had done the right thing for him. Maybe one day, someday she thought...
She had reached the hospital and the nurse on duty walked her to her room. That was where Jaya stood and watched nature's dance of fury. She watched the storm brew on the outside, as she waited for the doctor to come check her and pump more medication into her, which would put her to sleep for a few hours - take her to a far away land. She would drift up, up and away on a cloud and enter into another life where she would be smiling, happy...
The television in the room was playing a song and she smiled watching it.
When words fail...she thought...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h64V31hD20M
Had these two years been real? or was she imagining them? She burst out laughing as tears rolled down ...
Pause for those few seconds to think about the circumstances. You will see the pain and the reasons why they did what they did before you sum them up and write them off.
One such story...
Jaya looked out of the window at the mad swaying of the tall palm trees...the wind was howling and a dust storm was beginning to take form.
She watched nature unleash her fury as she sat by the window in the comfort of her cozy room.
"I envy mother nature. She empties all her feelings without any fear or pressure of hiding them" thought Jaya. The storm inside her threatened to swirl and break free as if to compete with the one outside.
But Jaya stayed composed - at least she seemed to for the outside world..and sipped her coffee. She always did that. The person who was forced to brave the ugly side of life over and over again with a put up face of strength. Circumstances didn't grant her luxury of crumbling down and breaking up in a million pieces like she would have wanted to.
It was exactly this day two years ago - she recalled that day as if it was now and today! She was wearing a red skirt and a white top with her hair lose. The sun was streaming into the room and there was the fragrance of the jasmines that wafted through. Today was the day when she had imagined that she had won the world over!
Ashish told her that she looked beautiful as ever! Just those words made her so happy - not because she cared about her looks, but because Ashish thought she looked beautiful! He made her feel like the prettiest woman ever! That was how much she valued him, his thoughts, his feelings and everything about him...
Ashish had also whispered to her that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him - and she had fallen into his arms at those very utterances. It wasn't the first time that she had heard them, but this was different. This was real. This was forever. She felt alive and consumed. This was what she had lived for - and there could never have been a better day. She with her Ashish...
A week from thereon was the morning she and Ashish would always dread to remember.
As they sat at the table, she had said to Ashish in a firm tone - a tone that reflected the last shred of courage within her being, one which she was afraid would break down if he challenged it even the slightest bit. She was desperately putting it on for him.
The words poured out - "Ashish, I don't think this marriage is going anywhere." She paused to absorb the sound of them and shuddered at how ugly they sounded. She continued; "It's all my fault. It's not you. You deserve someone better Ashish. And, I can't take this anger, tension and fights between us - day after day. I want to live too, in my own way. I want to go away from your life...some place far away where you will not even see me ever. I want you to know that I will always love you"
Ashish was stunned. This was unreal for him. "Jaya, what are you even saying? What is wrong with out marriage? I think you are imagining these problems. These are common issues that happen between every man and wife. Please don't be in a haste and do something that both of us will regret". He pleaded. He wept. He was angry. He did everything he could to stop the unstoppable and his last attempt being "Jaya, no one does this to someone they care about. This is absurd". Nothing worked.
Jaya went ahead with all that she said was the fate of their relationship. She made her worst nightmares come true.She couldn't even imagine this could ever be true.But she did it to them and to herself.
And why? Because one phone call on that fateful evening had changed everything between them. Changed the very dimensions of their relationship.
Yes, two years ago - one evening of that fateful week. Ashish was on a call with his buddy from school days. He was catching up ...and she stood just outside the bedroom door that was left ajar. She didn't mean to overhear their conversation. It was bad manners. But, his sentences tied her down to the spot...Ashish was saying into the phone to his friend Sameer..."No, I have no plans for the long weekend"
"Yeah, you guys have to do so much running around with the kids" Sameer must have steered the conversation to that of the kids. The dreaded topic.
They had been trying to have a baby for sometime with no happy outcome. And both of them were fighting their own battles on that front. The infertility specialist Jaya had seen had told her that the chances of her carrying a baby were pretty remote given her issues. And every time she cried before Sameer about it, he joked and said that having one baby (her) was enough for him. He didn't seem to take it seriously enough. He joked and made it seem like it wasn't a big deal to be unable to have children.
The doctor's visit that morning hadn't gone well at all. There was no hope was the conclusion. She hadn't yet had a chance to talk to Ashish about this yet from that morning's doctor visit.
And then the phone conversation...
Ashish had continued into the phone - "Yeah Sameer, I know we have to have kids and everything. But you know, God isn't fair to everyone. He gives all these kids to the workers and beggars on the street who can't even feed those little ones and here there are people like Jaya and me who would do anything to have that little bundle in our hands. But no, fate has to play it's own cruel jokes...well, it kills me too when I see kids play in that park, and I want my own too...I have no choice Sameer. Jaya can't do it, and it's a reality for our marriage..."
Jaya then had shut the door softly and walked over to the patio with her cup of coffee in hand.
She was numbed - with what she had heard, about how much Sameer really wanted a baby and it killed her to know it this way. Why he hadn't opened up to her? Why? What was she to do? why was it a burden on her to solve everything between her and everyone else she dealt with - she wasn't imagining any of it. It always happened and was real.
That month, Jaya began getting treated for depression - taking those happy pills to make her mood better. Even a smile felt very difficult. Her world crumbled slowly and steadily around her...bit by bit...
Two months from that evening on, in the most unimaginale way, she had moved away from Ashish's life. Forever.
He was broken, he was sad, and devastated. He wondered what had gone wrong suddenly. And the only answer she gave him was that they were different people and had to choose their own paths before they ended up hating each other. Some deep rooted wounds rendered some relationships beyond repair. And he reminded her of her failure as a woman. She said her depression was getting worser because of the unhappiness in the house. And he thought this was an extreme step to take - to resolve fights that occurred in every household. She ignore his opinion with all she left in her.
But, he was helpless too. She was his world and he wanted her happy in the end.He felt he didn't have the strength to support her through her health issues, her depression and everything else...maybe it was just easier for them to go their ways he thought much against his own feelings about how he would have chosen for things to be.
In the days that followed, she turned herself into a rag doll - sleeping pills, happy pills and everything else came and went in a blurr.
She had convinced Ashish that he was better off without her in his life.
She was like this little girl who with her own hands broke her favorite doll into a million pieces and then sobbed at the sight...held those scattered pieces in her hands and cried with tears that ripped her heart open. who could she explain this to? how could she put in words why she had done it?
What could explain her misery night after night when she sobbed into her pillow. Who was there to wipe her tears? Who would sing silly songs to her, crack silly jokes and shout "I love you" in the car to her when it went through tunnels?
Was she a fool to have made a mess for herself? What or who could she explain to about how she felt? She talked to herself, sang to herself, did little things to make herself smile - she tried and tried very hard to build herself - atom by atom...one single painful step at a time.
She felt as though pain had patterns. It was crazy but she could visualize her pain in patterns. There were times she went back and had to start all over again. Why? Because she had to! Some people don't have choices.
Ashish had moved on. He had met Maya at a party, and had married her. They were now expecting their baby!
Did people miss each other in times of grief or of happiness? Which one deserved to be shared? what deserved the dignity and the honor given the bond that was and had been? who knows...maybe it varies with each individual.
She sat in the car outside the park this evening. She went there some days to make her feel sane - their happy, innocent laughter cured it all for her.
Then she saw them. Hand in hand - walking in the park. Ashish looked happy and so did Maya!
It is the feeling that someone is looking at you probably that did it , but at that instant Ashish looked her way. He stopped in his tracks and after a few moments that made time stand still, met her eyes and very slowly turned his head away. A face he had cherished, the sight he adored had been shunned by him. It was as if she were transparent...they walked on...
A few more minutes passed. Jaya started the engine and very slowly turned the car away from the park. As she looked in the rear view mirror and saw Ashish's smiling face in the distance, she knew in her heart that she had made the right decision.
She had hurt him because she loved him in her own way - would he ever understand that? She had done the right thing for him. Maybe one day, someday she thought...
She had reached the hospital and the nurse on duty walked her to her room. That was where Jaya stood and watched nature's dance of fury. She watched the storm brew on the outside, as she waited for the doctor to come check her and pump more medication into her, which would put her to sleep for a few hours - take her to a far away land. She would drift up, up and away on a cloud and enter into another life where she would be smiling, happy...
The television in the room was playing a song and she smiled watching it.
When words fail...she thought...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h64V31hD20M
Had these two years been real? or was she imagining them? She burst out laughing as tears rolled down ...
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