Those First Impressions!

I have always seen at various stages of my life that certain first impressions I have/get/create about people and things always come back to me a full circle!

Lots of things have transpired in my life in the last week - I have travelled to different planes mentally and have discovered newer horizons that I didn't think existed even..

The only thing that I have also discovered with some element of surprise is how our gut feel, our first impressions usually hold strong even when time and events transpire before, after and through the very same dimension!

I'm sure you have had many such events too and may have felt or realized the same thought too...

I also realized how truth is in-destructible - a something that time cannot influence. Once the truth always the truth!

I'm overwhelmed with this thought and wanted to share with you my reader that there is a greater good out there that nullifies all the small blips we endure...

Hold onto to those first impressions and you are not usually wrong may I say?

Found this very soothing music from Pt. Ravi Shankar's "Chants of India" - enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8vZVuPjrGw&feature=related

He Said, She Said - What Will They Say?

Every single waking moment of our lives and also when we sleep, there is a sub-conscious activity that is constantly running - He said that, she said this, they will say this or that...goes on and on...

It is obviously very easy to say "ignore it. why should You bother about all this?" But, No! It is not so easy to ignore it and is in fact a little un-natural to do so.

Because we are human and supposedly have an intellect (Gnana) acting upon us, we naturally analyze, debate and try to reason while we run through our minds various what-if scenarios, a million times a day if not more :-)

The idea is to let those thoughts come and the greater goal is to simply observe them without getting involved - with what is called a "Sakshi Bhava" or with an attitude of being just a witness! Once we make this practice a normal behaviour, the rate of occurrence of those perturbing thoughts will reduce - will require time and patience...

A small and an interesting story I was recently told by someone I look upto:

A Guruji was approached by one of his devotees (Siddhartha) asking how he could stop the villagers from making fun of him and hurting him constantly. He also said he did all the right things and never did anything to hurt anyone. So, the Guruji told him to simply ignore them. After a few days Siddartha came back saying the torture from the villagers continued.

The Guruji thought for a while and gave Siddartha a small vessel filled to the brim with oil. He asked Siddartha to go round the village 3 times without spilling a drop of oil. This charm would work if and only if there was not a single drop of oil spilt!

So, Siddartha was thrilled that finally he had found a tool to relieve himself of the grief from the villagers.

He very cautiously took the vessel with the oil and completed walking round the village 3 times.

Once he returned, the Guruji asked him if all had gone well and if the charm worked -that is the villagers were now behaving themselves?

Siddartha immediately beamed up and said "Guruji, YES! the charm worked! Not a single villager talked - forget about good or bad. They were simply quiet! I don't know ow to re-pay you for this!"

The Guruji laughed and said - "Siddartha, it is not the villagers. Infact they would have made fun of you more than ever to see a man head bent low and walking with a vessel in hand round and round the village. It was YOU who were so focused on the vessel that ignored them, and hence did not hear what they said or did! This is what I want you to practice in your every day life - your sole focus being on that one single point of equilibrium, a point that gives you the balance and inner peace/happiness and go through life without paying heed to anyone or anything that they say - this is the very key to happiness!"

Siddartha went home with this realization.

I love this story for it's simplicity and the message it brings - I want you to do the same.

I'm trying to..join me in this search..

Try and discover your "self" - find that vessel filled with oil, the inner self that belongs to you and only you...that point of balance. Once you have found it, there is nothing else that you will need or want...

Have a wonderful day!

Migraine

Painful and excruciating are two words that come to my mind when I hear it...and I have one since last evening :-(

Bright lights, people, talking, loud sounds and everything else seems like putting some salt on an open wound.

Many triggers exist - and some maybe be specific to some individuals.

Cure? Nothing I really have heard of - at least a permanent cure that is. There are tons of prevention techniques :-)

More information is available at:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine

The Pranayam technique "Nadi Shuddhi" is said to help and I plan on doing at least 27 rounds of it today...try it. It has wonderful effects and even more wonderful side-effects :-)

Have a great week!

Happy Father's Day

Wish all the dads a very Happy Father's Day!

Enjoy this song on this special day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2ecvklFmCY

Song For The Weekend

I got two requests asking me about the song for this weekend :-) Sorry I'm late :-) Here you go - enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bp1abpd3WL0

The Two Sides

The room was silent - except for the movie on the television...

"Gayatri sat by the window and watched the moonlight...

She waited for the phone to ring. Waited for Vivek's call. She kept looking at it - willing for it to ring. She was at the same time afraid - almost didn't want it to ring. What if she said something that made him angry? upset him? She would never want that either. She cared for him more than herself at some level, and all she wanted was for him to be happy.

She thought she belonged to some retro movie with these thoughts - but, when it happened to her, it felt very normal. She hadn't even thought these thoughts were even possible leave alone a reality.

She wanted to say so much and open her heart and her thoughts to him - but never got a chance to. There were times when she held herself back too - for the fear of upsetting him in some way.

She wanted Vivek to know that she pined for his presence every waking moment. And she was sure that he didn't even know what that meant. Every small thing she did, she wanted his approval, his ideas...

She thought - Vivek doesn't even know that she hadn't washed some of her clothes since he had last left home...hadn't gone to those restaurants, had sat at the same spots on her couch, drank from the same cup day after day, wore the same perfume....and hadn't done anything with anyone else - all those little things they had done together. She had decided that she would wait for a lifetime and that was all she wanted him to know...and in some strange way also did not want him to know at the same time!. It wasn't to burden him with any expectations at all. But, it was a reality for her about how much she needed his presence in her life - even at a very remote, peripheral level...it was simply the essence of her existence..."

The screen flickered.

Aw! Anu had tears brimming in her eyes - but then she got up and got herself a drink...she thought "These movies make me weep. God! are these women even real in this age and time?"

A self-made, open minded woman like Anu didn't believe in these sentiments...

The alcohol did it's trick and she felt much better now...after a hard day's work...

Then she turned to check her email on her phone...he hadn't responded yet. Ashish - the person her life revolved was too busy for her...she wasn't even sure if he would come home tonight to see her...

She caught herself as she despaired...wasn't she the same as Gayatri in that movie? Weren't the sentiments almost similar?

It didn't matter to who it happened...but, some sentiments transcend time and age..maybe this was one.

Thoughts flowed...

Isn't it that happiness and sorrow are two sides of the same coin?. It was upto one which side one chooses to see. They always co-exist. Don't they? It is a choice one makes - the choice to ignore one over the other.

And both these sides are a part of us. It is only a brief manifestation of one over the other at any given moment. It is that acceptance of both that ensures equilibrium.

Anu flicked the television off...

Those Rains!

When I spoke with a friend in India last week, she told me that it was raining cats and dogs!

Ah! the smell of rain. I remember those days when I sat by the window, a book in my hand and sipped a hot cup of filter coffee...

The sound of the pouring rain outside and the feeling of being cuddled up in a blanket watching it is something one has to experience and simply cannot be put into words...

It always makes me nostalgic - makes me very sentimental...

A rainy day always makes me also hum this song - listen to it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GY-5VSPYNB4&feature=related

Today's Song

When looks could kill :-) Is there such a thing? In the poetic world probably, and that is if you recognize the possibility of more than one death!

Before I mess with the swarm of bees, here's a beautiful song to enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vqRyfy1_ys

Honest Fun!

The schools are out and summer holidays are here!

We have a little park/play area right behind our home and a lot of kids come in the evening to play there. The summer season sees a huge traffic till the schools re-open again!

This evening, my little one was playing with some of her buddies and I watched as she laughed and rolled in the grass while they tagged each other :-) And then I saw her walk away in a huff - little politics you see :-)

I just went there to see what was going on, and thought it was best to get them all together and start a new game.

So, I tried cajoling the bigger girls to come join - uh, uh. They didn't budge. Instead one of them told me that she had too many friends to play with! I loved it - the little attitude and everything:-) It is adorable! You must go to a park one of these days and watch them - you'll see the little games they play with each other, the teams and everything. Oh! it is a lot of fun!

Then I switched my strategy a little and collected all the older boys. We formed a large circle, at least 20 of us and played a very old game I used to play as a kid. That of a sheep and a fox. The sheep is in the middle of the circle and the fox is outside, trying to grab the sheep. The circle holds their hands very tightly and tries to save the little sheep from the fox! The game is really really fun in a large group!Not to mention everyone present there joined our fun eventually :-)

Then we played another game that I knew back in our school days - "Kho-Kho". The kids never knew about this game and they simply loved it when they got the hang of it!

After about 2 hours, they didn't want to go home and wanted more :-)

We parted with a promise to return every evening!

Will it happen every evening, I don't know. But, I know that my little friends will all be waiting for me! And I'll try to go back there for sure one of these days - why? because, I felt like a kid again too!

Simple, honest games - we seem to be losing them as we get caught up in this big tangle of the Wiis, PS3 and whatever else is out there that comes between those little legs itching to run, little arms ready for a little fist fight, that energy that cannot be contained in a chair - those little smiles bright and that turn even more beautiful on a shiny, face full of sweat! Smelly, sweaty, dirty and beaming!

Let them go....run, be wild, and be themselves - happy and innocent...

Karma Yoga

The past couple days have been a little rough, and these are times when I like to get my strength from philosophy.

This afternoon was one of those times and I read the below section of the Bhagavad Geeta that talks about Karma Yoga. Beautifully written - read it slowly and with an open mind! I'm sure you'll enjoy it too! Very Beautifully said!

arjuna uvaca
jyayasi cet karmanas te
mata buddhir janardana
tat kim karmani ghore mam
niyojayasi kesava

arjunah--Arjuna; uvaca--said; jyayasi--speaking very highly; cet--although; karmanah--than fruitive action; te--Your; mata--opinion; buddhih--intelligence; janardana--O Krsna; tat--therefore; kim--why; karmani--in action; ghore--ghastly; mam--me; niyojayasi--engaging me; kesava--O Krsna.

Arjuna said: O Janardana, O Kesava, why do You urge me to engage in this ghastly warfare, if You think that intelligence is better than fruitive work?

The Supreme Personality of Godhead Sri Krishna has very elaborately described the constitution of the soul in some of the chapters of the Geeta - with a view to deliver His intimate friend Arjuna from the ocean of material grief. And the path of realization has been recommended is: buddhi-yoga.

Understanding Karma Yoga:

Karma Yoga is essentially Acting, or doing one's duties in life as per his/her dharma, or duty, without concern of results - a sort of constant sacrifice of action to the Supreme. It is action done without thought of gain. In a more modern interpretation, it can be viewed as duty bound deeds done without letting the nature of the result affecting one's actions. Krishna advocates Nishkam Karma (Selfless Action) as the ideal path to realize the Truth. Allocated work done without expectations, motives, or thinking about its outcomes tends to purify one's mind and gradually makes an individual fit to see the value of reason and the benefits of renouncing the work itself. These concepts are vividly described in the following verses:

"To action alone hast thou a right and never at all to its fruits; let not the fruits of action be thy motive; neither let there be in thee any attachment to inaction"

"Fixed in yoga, do thy work, O Winner of wealth (Arjuna), abandoning attachment, with an even mind in success and failure, for evenness of mind is called yoga"

"With the body, with the mind, with the intellect, even merely with the senses, the Yogis perform action toward self-purification, having abandoned attachment. He who is disciplined in Yoga, having abandoned the fruit of action, attains steady peace..."

In order to achieve true liberation, it is important to control all mental desires and tendencies to enjoy sense pleasures. The following verses illustrate this:

"When a man dwells in his mind on the object of sense, attachment to them is produced. From attachment springs desire and from desire comes anger."

"From anger arises bewilderment, from bewilderment loss of memory; and from loss of memory, the destruction of intelligence and from the destruction of intelligence he perishes"

The Real You

Last night I dreamt of you
There you were talking and laughing
I wondered if it was for real

Telling me things I never knew
Chiding me for things I didn't do
Praising me for things I did
I wondered if it was for real

Fighting my complains
Fighting my ideas
Accepting my views
Accepting my beliefs
Telling me your's
Accepting me for who I was
I wondered if it was for real

You were resplendent in the sunshine
I thought it was a glow from within you and basked in it

Your eyes shone a bright shine
I thought it was from the knowledge within you and admired them

You talked a great many ideas
I thought they were your own and applauded them

And then as the Sun set
In that light when it was neither light or dark

I saw that side of you that told me
that you really were real

I turned you and saw that you were broken in the back
were made of glass and cracking
with just the front and nothing in the back
A hollow side that was hidden from the facade

I then realized who you were
Nothing but an empty broken piece of glass with just a front

And all you did was shine when the Sun shone and disappeared when darkness fell
That's who you were
And that's who you really are

A piece of glass
A mere piece of broken glass

And the crazy me tries to treasure it
And put it together
And pretend it's a diamond
And I wonder if it is real

And you call yourself Life...

Still My Fav. Song

Got to hear it again and I had to put it here one more time! Wow! love this song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwnCMv--L9Y

The Digital Mind

Yesterday PM - a phone call from a cousin. Went like this..

"Hey, has been soo long since I heard your voice!How have you been? What is going on with you these days. Tell me...tell me. Missed chatting with you - think of talking to you so many times - life is so busy you know..."

I sat there and thought - And, why didn't the call happen?

Another friend - wish you were at the movies with us! And, why wasn't I there? Because she never told me about it.

I have been going through this phase in the last couple of weeks - I call it the "Weed-Out" phase of my life!

Why? Because, I have realized that my mind functions best in a digital way :-) Really. I'm the happiest when I see things black or white. Right or wrong - I don't know. But, is true for me. Either it is there or isn't. Things are best understood that way - by me :-)

The fuzzy state confuses me - BIG time! It always did, and I've spent years trying to analyse, adjust and re-adjust everything around me to plug into that space. Realized I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole!
People not even remotely concerned even though you are thought about/are special, relatives oozing affection the minute they see you - and you cease to exist once out of sight/the phone put down, friends - who don't even remember the special days in your life, and everyone else - for who your presence/absence doesn't make a big difference .....don't cut it anymore!!!

I almost called, I kept thinking about you, I wish you were there, I thought I should give this to you, I meant to tell you this and that...uh..uh...I'm done putting brownies against them.

So, the digital logic of being in a state of "1" or "0" I think is a hassle-free way of prioritizing everything - people, relationships, tasks and whatever else....

The reason I write this is to share with you the sense of freedom and relief it offers - free from all expectations and imaginary tangles that are not needed.Works for me. Will it for you? Maybe or maybe not. Try.

And before I leave you...is it a "1" or a "0" between me as your blogger and you as my reader? :-)

Either way...have a good one!!!

A Guy or A Girl?

I sometimes wonder - what if I were a guy? This is a very common thought. You may have thought about it too, at some point - I mean the opposite of what you currently are:-)

It happens to me in certain social settings - a get-together, a party or a casual water-cooler banter. I want to say something that would so totally be me - a very sincere remark, a compliment, an urge to slap their shoulder, a comment or something so trivial and so natural. It may be the most appropriate reaction in that situation even - I do it at times, but I hold myself back.

Why? Because, there are some gestures that may not be gender appropriate or be acceptable given my or the opposite person's parameters!

I also see that some of the comments I make or some of the thoughts I express may have had a different impact if I were a guy. The opposite may also be true. I would like to think of it that way too!

And not just the gender - there are so many parameters that weigh the way your ideas/thoughts are received too. People do attach a lot of "other" factors or rather "read-into" your actions and comments/ideas sometimes missing out the whole point and failing to take it face value!

And I on my part feel burdened! Did I hear you say I'm shy? Maybe a little in some cases - but not shy to express my feelings and ideas, but way too aware of the before and after, the impact, the various other factors, what-if analysis, and the whole picture kind of shy...I admit.

Now does this border on the line of overly caring for the "other" factors? Maybe. Heavily depends on how you view it. I care - a lot for people. And hence stems the action of caring for their sentiments.

Need to learn to ignore? Maybe needed ..
A possibility? Trying ..
Will happen? Possible ..
When? Happens when it happens :-)

It is far fetched to imagine that you can let go and be yourself under all circumstances. There is a reality check that exists - visible or invisible.

And, it would be wonderful to push this barrier to a a newer limit and be yourself ...express very honest opinions, true feelings, thoughts in an unadulterated way and be YOU ...your very own true self!

Another road into self-growing....

Have a great one and here's the song for this weekend - I love this song!!! almost in the spirit of what I wrote above:-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SDolTyAbes&feature=related

Borrowed Time

On my way back from work today, I had nothing but the radio to keep me company.

I'm addicted to NPR anyway :-) It's a different story that these days I also do get very irate when I hear all those great people with stellar achievements, from all kinds of universities sit there analysing/re-analysing the same topic over and over again - my anger stems from the fact that all these big heads put together couldn't stop the country and indirectly the world from going to dogs. The economic mess we are all in - where were these people? Drinking coffee or hiking in the mountains? How could all of us be blind sighted this way? Or is there a hint of a nexus here?

Anyway that's an entirely different discussion. I'm not even nearly as qualified enough to debate on the issue.

But in my opinion, the country/world doesn't need more MBAs or engineers. It needs better humans. We can manage with what we have as long as we care for this human race and have the right intentions to make it work. That's what I struggle with day in and day out.

Today I found out that one of my friends wife has been diagnosed with cancer in the intestine and has been operated upon. And what does that mean? Borrowed time. That's what it means.

Another friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She has been in and out of Stanford hospital in the last 3 months. What does that mean? Borrowed time again.

Time these people spend away from their children, people they love - how will they justify those last few years/days? What would be a worthy cause to not be with people they care for and instead be at work or at something else they need to do versus they would have done?

And what happens to their goals, objectives, career moves and everything else they would have done to make themselves fall into the category of being "Successful" - a definition they arrived upon or created by the society.

And with all of this hanging on each of us like a Damocles's sword, we pretend as if we are so in control of tomorrow. Maybe ignorance is bliss in this scenario. Live for today and not for tomorrow is after all a good practice.

It is very easy to say and so very difficult to practice - isn't it? I little discomfort is so unbearable in our lives. Are we only talking lofty ideals here? Maybe and maybe not.

The little games, the egos, the hide-seek we all play every single day of lives is what makes this game so fake. It provides spice to live? Maybe another way of looking at it.

Maybe a very cynical view, a pragmatic view or even a pessimistic view - like it or not, I think each of us are living on borrowed time. We all have a finite number of breaths to breathe. Yes, could be hundreds or thousands - but it is very finite.

And we need to make these moments of our lives precious, worthwhile and memorable! Don't let them float away...we will never be able to re-live them - again, ever!

Yes, there is also the very enthusiastic, positive side of me that tells that there is so much to do and so little time! True. But, in that little time we need to prioritize what we do and don't do. Do you agree?

It's a weird thing I always think - on the day I lie on my death bed, who or what will I think of? Ask yourself this question. You will be surprised that your sub-conscious will have some answers ready for you. These impressions are not what you may have formed in the last few months/years. These are people or situations that have left those impressions on you. Deep inside.

Positive or negative is the next question.

I want to be remembered by all those who will ever care to think of me in their last few breaths, in a good way - in a very positive way. Not as someone who hurt them in any way. Never! At least I'll always try not to - till the end. Why? Because, I think that's where you score your final brownie points - rest everything in between only happens. For this final score to happen, it'll take a lifetime!

On the risk of sounding like a preacher, I urge each one of you to be grateful for every day you get, be humane, be kind - tell people who care for you that you are always there for them, don't run away from situations in a cowardly fashion, stand up for them/for you!

In the end - smile a lot!!!

Folk Art

Summer is fast approaching and it is less than 2 weeks away for the schools to close down. My little one is so enthused about the whole thing - and keeps making plans on what she wants to do and how she is going to do that and this.

Last evening she came up with ideas on how she will set up a lemonade stand and how she will run it! I was pretty amused to hear that she will set it up very close to the common area play structure behind my house so that she can get more kids to buy the lemonade! BTW, she is pricing the lemonade at $20 a glass - pretty pricey I would say! Talk about entrepreneurship :-)

I on my part have decided that I will spend the last couple of weeks of July exclusively with her - but, that also brings with it the additional responsibility of what I will entertain her with...

So, I was thinking of various ideas - and I wanted to start off with telling her some folk tales and also that together we try and learn a few folk songs!

I have to do ground work to get to that point and have begun doing my digging around:-)

The folk songs, the stories, the theatre and everything else associated with it is so rich and unadulterated! The melodious songs have pearls of wisdom embedded within them; life truths and morals weaved into those very interesting stories!

But the more I look around, the more I see how fast we are losing all of that knowledge that was accumulated over centuries - there isn't much patronising done in preserving that wealth!

I'll run a small series on this in my postings to come...

On the songs - I love this particular song/story - it's in Kannada. Watch/listen to it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ck7XA3ovajs&feature=related