Two weekends ago, I was involved neck deep along with my little one where she participated in a live ballet - hosted by her 'Bharatanatyam' teacher. The live ballet was about the great epic 'Ramayanam' set to music and danced to perfection by renowned artists and little angels alike.
It was a fantastic performance. All involved had put in their heart and soul into the performance.
Me, my little one and 49 other children sat there for about four hours in the last seats of the theatre, silently waiting for our turn. Every now and then a child would prance up and down to stretch her little legs, she would then giggle with a friend, hug her mommy or stand there with her hands on hips -unable to express how tired she was or how impatient to perform her tiny act.
Snacks, trips to the rest room, drinks of water and after all the tantrums, I had to lead the children to the green room behind the screens. There we sat again for about an hour. Hot, sweaty, and silent. The little ones waited - unable to move, talk or giggle. My heart went out to them - just for hanging in there.
At last - it was our turn. When the little 'Vanara Sainyam' was needed to go on stage! Off they went...bouncing, jumping, and rolling on...not one, not two, but fifty of them!
The brown little monkeys - smiling from ear to ear! All ready to perform and all ready to please!
They formed the bridge and as soon as Lord 'Shree Rama' entered, began the chant of 'Jai Raam ...Jai Jai Raam"...so melodiously and so innocently. The huge hall echoed with their chant! The happiness they felt seemed to reflect every bit on their angelic little faces. Were these our children or really little monkeys of the monkey army, transported into the great epic in time and space...I wondered.
The glee, the joy, the reverance...just came together...
I stood their with tears in my eyes behind the curtains thinking...this was innocence. Every bit of it....after hours and hours of waiting, tired and hungry - after hours of putting up with all sorts of inconveniences...here were these tiny beings...doing and acting just the way they were taught.
Giving all they had into their performance and enjoying what they did - all so that their teachers, friends and parents would be pleased! Just like tiny little animals...so eager to please their masters...
If this was our innate nature, our true human self...where and how do we transition into the people we end up being - why do we move away from this innocence and shun it?
The sweaty, shiny, happy little faces had taught me something...
I was truly touched...
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
All That Passes By
The moon tortured me again this evening.
Every single time I see the beautiful moonlight, I have a million emotions that surge up in me.
I almost picked up the phone - to call him and tell him to look at the moon. To tell him that I wish he were here - but, I didn't. I couldn't. I wish I could. Something in me stopped me.
No idea what came in between. Distance of the minds or the distance of where we had moved to. Which was greater? I didn't have an answer.
In the end, I stood all by myself on the patio and watched the most picturisque moon as it bathed everything in my view with it's beauty.
A friend of mine lost her father in the month of June. She was someone who adored her dad, and would call him up on every single pretext - advise, kids issues, office squabbles, and whatever else happened in her day to day life.
But the last she spoke to him, she had a fight. He had sent her a lot of eatables from her home town along with her sister who was visiting her. And, she picked up the phone and told him that he shouldn't have since she was moving back to India anyway in a few days. And when I met her a month ago, she cried saying "I should have thanked him for thinking of me - instead, I screamed at him?
And that was the last she spoke to him. It will haunt her always that she could have done it differently.
How many of us do things that we could have done differently? If we ever imagine that this will be the last day of our lives, and the last time we will ever meet or talk to that person, will we not do things differently?
I think I would. Just like the way I would have loved to be with him and talk to him. Just like the times when he would talk to me endlessly with a smile on his face - those whispers that meant nothing at all...
I wish I had done things differently. I wish I had not wasted my precious time doing things I didn't have to, I wish I had the power to unwind and just do it right for once.
Every morning when you wake up, think of things you could do differently like the way you would want to when you think back a few years later - and who knows you may never have a second chance at it...
Regret has no place in the future...it is now and here...
Every single time I see the beautiful moonlight, I have a million emotions that surge up in me.
I almost picked up the phone - to call him and tell him to look at the moon. To tell him that I wish he were here - but, I didn't. I couldn't. I wish I could. Something in me stopped me.
No idea what came in between. Distance of the minds or the distance of where we had moved to. Which was greater? I didn't have an answer.
In the end, I stood all by myself on the patio and watched the most picturisque moon as it bathed everything in my view with it's beauty.
A friend of mine lost her father in the month of June. She was someone who adored her dad, and would call him up on every single pretext - advise, kids issues, office squabbles, and whatever else happened in her day to day life.
But the last she spoke to him, she had a fight. He had sent her a lot of eatables from her home town along with her sister who was visiting her. And, she picked up the phone and told him that he shouldn't have since she was moving back to India anyway in a few days. And when I met her a month ago, she cried saying "I should have thanked him for thinking of me - instead, I screamed at him?
And that was the last she spoke to him. It will haunt her always that she could have done it differently.
How many of us do things that we could have done differently? If we ever imagine that this will be the last day of our lives, and the last time we will ever meet or talk to that person, will we not do things differently?
I think I would. Just like the way I would have loved to be with him and talk to him. Just like the times when he would talk to me endlessly with a smile on his face - those whispers that meant nothing at all...
I wish I had done things differently. I wish I had not wasted my precious time doing things I didn't have to, I wish I had the power to unwind and just do it right for once.
Every morning when you wake up, think of things you could do differently like the way you would want to when you think back a few years later - and who knows you may never have a second chance at it...
Regret has no place in the future...it is now and here...
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Mahashasura Mardini - The Life Force in Every Woman
When the evil is defeated by the goodness..
The 'Rakshashas' ran and hid in the depths of the 'Pathala' and tried in vain to hide in the darkest of the corners - thinking they would never be found...
But, the 'Adi Shakti' hunted them down and leveled the bad with the good...history, mythology wherever one wants to search...there is always justice that was done in the end.
Time has been witness and will continue to wait and watch as this continues even in the 'Kaliyuga' - where the new world 'Rakshashas' will be punished for their wrong doings - by the very same 'Adi Shakti' and 'Maha Shakti'in one form or the other. Who knows?
There is also enough evidence in our mythology or history that a woman is capable of making or completely destroying everything that has done her wrong...like they say every woman is an incarnation of the very same 'Adi Shakti'
Listen to this beautiful chanting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiq6MddfBM4&NR=1
The same is depicted in a dance form:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQHryzwcndw&feature=related
The word Shakti, meaning sacred feminine force, and Durga reflects the warrior aspect of the goddess, embodying a traditional male role. She is also strikingly beautiful, and initially Mahishasura tries to marry her! Other incarnations include Annapurna and Karunamayi (karuna = kindness).
The Great Goddess Durga is said to be exquisitely beautiful. Her form is blindingly bright (devi), with three lotus-like eyes, ten powerful hands, lush hair with beautiful curls, a red-golden glow from her skin and a quarter moon on her forehead. She wears a shiny oceanic blue attire emitting fierce rays. Her ornaments were carved beautifully of gold, with ocean pearls and precious stones embedded in it. Each god also gave her their own most powerful weapons, Rudra's trident, Vishnu's discus, Indra's thunderbolt, Brahma's kamandalu, Kuber's gada, etc. Himalayas gifted her a fierce whitish golden lion.
According to the narrative from the Devi Mahatmya of the Markandeya Purana, the form of Durga was created as a warrior goddess to fight a demon. The demon's father Rambha, king of the demons, once fell in love with a water buffalo, and Mahish Asur (the demon Mahish) was born out of this union. He is therefore able to change between human and buffalo form at will (mahish means "buffalo"). Through intense prayers to Brahma, Mahishasur had the boon that he could not be defeated by any man or god. He unleashed a reign of terror on earth, heaven and the nether worlds.
Eventually, since only a woman could kill him, the Holy Male Trinity went down to the river Ganges and prayed the mantra, "Om Namo Devaye", imploring of the great goddess Devi to save their realm from ruin. They were blessed with her compassion when the goddess Durga was born out of the river.
The 'Rakshashas' ran and hid in the depths of the 'Pathala' and tried in vain to hide in the darkest of the corners - thinking they would never be found...
But, the 'Adi Shakti' hunted them down and leveled the bad with the good...history, mythology wherever one wants to search...there is always justice that was done in the end.
Time has been witness and will continue to wait and watch as this continues even in the 'Kaliyuga' - where the new world 'Rakshashas' will be punished for their wrong doings - by the very same 'Adi Shakti' and 'Maha Shakti'in one form or the other. Who knows?
There is also enough evidence in our mythology or history that a woman is capable of making or completely destroying everything that has done her wrong...like they say every woman is an incarnation of the very same 'Adi Shakti'
Listen to this beautiful chanting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiq6MddfBM4&NR=1
The same is depicted in a dance form:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQHryzwcndw&feature=related
The word Shakti, meaning sacred feminine force, and Durga reflects the warrior aspect of the goddess, embodying a traditional male role. She is also strikingly beautiful, and initially Mahishasura tries to marry her! Other incarnations include Annapurna and Karunamayi (karuna = kindness).
The Great Goddess Durga is said to be exquisitely beautiful. Her form is blindingly bright (devi), with three lotus-like eyes, ten powerful hands, lush hair with beautiful curls, a red-golden glow from her skin and a quarter moon on her forehead. She wears a shiny oceanic blue attire emitting fierce rays. Her ornaments were carved beautifully of gold, with ocean pearls and precious stones embedded in it. Each god also gave her their own most powerful weapons, Rudra's trident, Vishnu's discus, Indra's thunderbolt, Brahma's kamandalu, Kuber's gada, etc. Himalayas gifted her a fierce whitish golden lion.
According to the narrative from the Devi Mahatmya of the Markandeya Purana, the form of Durga was created as a warrior goddess to fight a demon. The demon's father Rambha, king of the demons, once fell in love with a water buffalo, and Mahish Asur (the demon Mahish) was born out of this union. He is therefore able to change between human and buffalo form at will (mahish means "buffalo"). Through intense prayers to Brahma, Mahishasur had the boon that he could not be defeated by any man or god. He unleashed a reign of terror on earth, heaven and the nether worlds.
Eventually, since only a woman could kill him, the Holy Male Trinity went down to the river Ganges and prayed the mantra, "Om Namo Devaye", imploring of the great goddess Devi to save their realm from ruin. They were blessed with her compassion when the goddess Durga was born out of the river.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Fear And Pleasure
I'm a big fan of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's philosophy - he was an institute in himself.I've been amazed and enamoured by the depth of his thoughts.
Fear and pleasure were lifelong themes in his public talks.He so simply puts in words how fear and pleasure are two sides of the same coin - how the fear of losing the once tasted pleasure breeds more fear.
So beautifully said - read on...
The following is an excerpt from his talk in San Diego in 1970.
“Fear is always in relation to something; it does not exist by itself. There is fear of what happened yesterday in relation to the possibility of its repetition tomorrow; there is always a fixed point from which relationship takes place. How does fear come into this? I had pain yesterday; there is the memory of it and I do not want it again tomorrow. Thinking about the pain of yesterday, thinking which involves the memory of yesterday’s pain, projects the fear of having pain again tomorrow. So it is thought that brings about fear. Thought breeds fear; thought also cultivates pleasure. To understand fear you must also understand pleasure – they are interrelated; without understanding one you cannot understand the other. This means that one cannot say ‘I must only have pleasure and no fear’; fear is the other side of the coin which is called pleasure.
Thinking with the images of yesterday’s pleasure, thought imagines that you may not have that pleasure tomorrow; so thought engenders fear. Thought tries to sustain pleasure and thereby nourishes fear.
Thought has separated itself as the analyzer and the thing to be analyzed; they are both parts of thought playing tricks upon itself. In doing all this it is refusing to examine the unconscious fears; it brings in time as a means of escaping fear and yet at the same time sustains fear.”
Fear and pleasure were lifelong themes in his public talks.He so simply puts in words how fear and pleasure are two sides of the same coin - how the fear of losing the once tasted pleasure breeds more fear.
So beautifully said - read on...
The following is an excerpt from his talk in San Diego in 1970.
“Fear is always in relation to something; it does not exist by itself. There is fear of what happened yesterday in relation to the possibility of its repetition tomorrow; there is always a fixed point from which relationship takes place. How does fear come into this? I had pain yesterday; there is the memory of it and I do not want it again tomorrow. Thinking about the pain of yesterday, thinking which involves the memory of yesterday’s pain, projects the fear of having pain again tomorrow. So it is thought that brings about fear. Thought breeds fear; thought also cultivates pleasure. To understand fear you must also understand pleasure – they are interrelated; without understanding one you cannot understand the other. This means that one cannot say ‘I must only have pleasure and no fear’; fear is the other side of the coin which is called pleasure.
Thinking with the images of yesterday’s pleasure, thought imagines that you may not have that pleasure tomorrow; so thought engenders fear. Thought tries to sustain pleasure and thereby nourishes fear.
Thought has separated itself as the analyzer and the thing to be analyzed; they are both parts of thought playing tricks upon itself. In doing all this it is refusing to examine the unconscious fears; it brings in time as a means of escaping fear and yet at the same time sustains fear.”
Monday, September 8, 2008
When Life Slows You Down
Six thirty AM and it's time to wake up
Seven AM I have a call related to work
Eight thirty and the cleaner is here
Nine AM make breakfast
Nine thirty ensure everyone is dressed and ready to face the day
Ten AM is the music class
Eleven AM I have to drive back
Twelve thirty is the dance lesson
Oh my God! it's already two thirty and I have to be at a birthday.
Six PM I have a call to make
In between all this, there is the homework from various classes, work issues, home front issues - plumbing to groceries to ants on the stairs, neighbours problems, emotional angel and issues for the family, health of all people around, and the general PR that needs to done with all we deal with...
Ten thirty and I'm still working -every inch in my body aches...
If this routine happens on a weekend, where will I end up? I have forgotten even to smile maybe :-(
This is the basic minimum a parent today can do. And if one is a woman and working on top of it, God save her :-)
I'm sure all of our lives are consumed and we are all in the rut. Running ...after something.
But, like I posted in my last posting on this blog - a mindless routine offers solace too at times. That comfort enjoyed, there is more to life than that - do you agree?
I always had ideas of the various things I want to do growing up and after having reached a point in life - my charter is undone. And today, the only excuse I have is that I run out of time.
I also on the other hand realize - I just have to try and drop dead in my tracks. That's the only way to slow down. And good or bad, I had the first hand experience that life goes on.
Nobody or nothing will stop for you - that's the bitter truth of life.
So, slow down...enjoy this moment...this is the only thing that belongs to you...and the only thing that you have an influence upon. To make it better or worse - everything else is on cruise control...and will go on no matter what.
Breathe....and let go...and live NOW. Just this moment....
When Life slows you down...slow down for Life!
Seven AM I have a call related to work
Eight thirty and the cleaner is here
Nine AM make breakfast
Nine thirty ensure everyone is dressed and ready to face the day
Ten AM is the music class
Eleven AM I have to drive back
Twelve thirty is the dance lesson
Oh my God! it's already two thirty and I have to be at a birthday.
Six PM I have a call to make
In between all this, there is the homework from various classes, work issues, home front issues - plumbing to groceries to ants on the stairs, neighbours problems, emotional angel and issues for the family, health of all people around, and the general PR that needs to done with all we deal with...
Ten thirty and I'm still working -every inch in my body aches...
If this routine happens on a weekend, where will I end up? I have forgotten even to smile maybe :-(
This is the basic minimum a parent today can do. And if one is a woman and working on top of it, God save her :-)
I'm sure all of our lives are consumed and we are all in the rut. Running ...after something.
But, like I posted in my last posting on this blog - a mindless routine offers solace too at times. That comfort enjoyed, there is more to life than that - do you agree?
I always had ideas of the various things I want to do growing up and after having reached a point in life - my charter is undone. And today, the only excuse I have is that I run out of time.
I also on the other hand realize - I just have to try and drop dead in my tracks. That's the only way to slow down. And good or bad, I had the first hand experience that life goes on.
Nobody or nothing will stop for you - that's the bitter truth of life.
So, slow down...enjoy this moment...this is the only thing that belongs to you...and the only thing that you have an influence upon. To make it better or worse - everything else is on cruise control...and will go on no matter what.
Breathe....and let go...and live NOW. Just this moment....
When Life slows you down...slow down for Life!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Slavery To Discipline And Those Beaten Routes
Every single morning rain or shine, even if the cold is cracking into one's bones - I hear him walk on tip toe. At the very same hour.A minute later, the whir of the brush, followed by the shower. The minute I wake up - there is a pleasant face to greet..the him I talk about here is my husband.
I always teased him, made fun of him in front of my cousins and friends - I said "He can't change his habits for anyone. He is too disciplined" and what not.
Little did I realize the effort that was involved behind that very discipline I mocked.
Doing the same thing day after day consistently without expecting anything in return is something beyond my capacity and comprehension. Every evening there is a definite routine - the coffee machine is loaded for the next morning, a cup and a spoon kept next to it, with a clean bowl for oatmeal. Little things...in perfect order.
That's my husband for you!
I prided myself on being spontaneous but I now realize the comfort in being predictable after all that life has taught me. My emotions, my spontaneity - times where I surged with every high tide, every small joy and sank to the deepest of deep oceans - then I hadn't seen the real life. I was just plain happy and saw the world through my pink glasses.
But, today when I think I'm hitting a spot of no return, a point where I'm afraid to lose my sanity - nothing helps but losing myself in a routine - mindless routine.
Storms come and go, good or bad he leads on...happy to have companionship when available, enjoying his solitude if otherwise, steady and solid...I bow down today to that disciplined routine.
In a book I had glanced at sometime ago, it talked about some common habits of great people. And, it talks clearly about self-discipline. So easy to preach and so very difficult to practice.
What is self-discipline?
It is something one does or an action one performs irrespective of what their emotions are/mental state is.
I read that the five pillars of self-discipline are: Acceptance, Willpower, Hard Work, Industry, and Persistence. If you take the first letter of each word, you get the acronym “A WHIP” — a convenient way to remember.
Then of course comes the comfort of having a routine.
Isn't it the same routine that we so despise and the same very routine that we crave at other times? In times of hardship, in times of a crisis, our mind craves the very comfort of that mindless routine. Where everything is set to cruise control and everything is predictable.
We as humans seek predictable results, set to a definitive pattern no matter what the burn through has to be endured to get there - we seek happy endings.
Do we realize that we create everything - the beginning, the middle of it and the ending too - with our emotions, our thoughts, streaks of our character - good as well as bad.
We seek trodden paths, beaten routes...it's all about the comfort rendered by familiarity.
Good or bad - that's the reality and that's who we are. And who are we to judge?
But kudos to all those who can delve and thrive while running those roads towards their goals - rain or shine. Selfless, emotionless, non-judging, no good or bad thoughts for anyone or about anyone - completely focused on the finish line....
In the end, I envy you - I wish I were you...
I always teased him, made fun of him in front of my cousins and friends - I said "He can't change his habits for anyone. He is too disciplined" and what not.
Little did I realize the effort that was involved behind that very discipline I mocked.
Doing the same thing day after day consistently without expecting anything in return is something beyond my capacity and comprehension. Every evening there is a definite routine - the coffee machine is loaded for the next morning, a cup and a spoon kept next to it, with a clean bowl for oatmeal. Little things...in perfect order.
That's my husband for you!
I prided myself on being spontaneous but I now realize the comfort in being predictable after all that life has taught me. My emotions, my spontaneity - times where I surged with every high tide, every small joy and sank to the deepest of deep oceans - then I hadn't seen the real life. I was just plain happy and saw the world through my pink glasses.
But, today when I think I'm hitting a spot of no return, a point where I'm afraid to lose my sanity - nothing helps but losing myself in a routine - mindless routine.
Storms come and go, good or bad he leads on...happy to have companionship when available, enjoying his solitude if otherwise, steady and solid...I bow down today to that disciplined routine.
In a book I had glanced at sometime ago, it talked about some common habits of great people. And, it talks clearly about self-discipline. So easy to preach and so very difficult to practice.
What is self-discipline?
It is something one does or an action one performs irrespective of what their emotions are/mental state is.
I read that the five pillars of self-discipline are: Acceptance, Willpower, Hard Work, Industry, and Persistence. If you take the first letter of each word, you get the acronym “A WHIP” — a convenient way to remember.
Then of course comes the comfort of having a routine.
Isn't it the same routine that we so despise and the same very routine that we crave at other times? In times of hardship, in times of a crisis, our mind craves the very comfort of that mindless routine. Where everything is set to cruise control and everything is predictable.
We as humans seek predictable results, set to a definitive pattern no matter what the burn through has to be endured to get there - we seek happy endings.
Do we realize that we create everything - the beginning, the middle of it and the ending too - with our emotions, our thoughts, streaks of our character - good as well as bad.
We seek trodden paths, beaten routes...it's all about the comfort rendered by familiarity.
Good or bad - that's the reality and that's who we are. And who are we to judge?
But kudos to all those who can delve and thrive while running those roads towards their goals - rain or shine. Selfless, emotionless, non-judging, no good or bad thoughts for anyone or about anyone - completely focused on the finish line....
In the end, I envy you - I wish I were you...
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