A New Year!

May this year bring with it all that you wish for!

May you be blessed with peace and contentment

May you be blessed with forgiveness

May you be surrounded with love

May you be gifted with the capability to give - give away something that is most precious to you

May you learn the pleasure of being humble

May you always have the wonder to appreciate

May you have the re-strain and the sensibility to appreciate what you have..

May you become the person you will be proud of ...when you look back many years later...

This is all I have to give today - and I wish all my readers all of this and beyond...

Here is praying for more peace in this world!

One of Those Days...

Today is one of those days when I feel as if the world is going to come crashing down...one of those days which brings with it a barrage of memories and they seem to tear at my very being...just dumped on me to deal with.

Have you ever felt or even imagined what it is to be not cared for? Will God throw some goodness my way too? In some way, some form?

Feel like I'm captured in a glass bowl - where I can see the free world outside of me...it's cold and windy outside - but, I can't breathe.

Very soon...getting ready to jump out - scared though to imagine a life all by myself...

All by myself!

The Greedy Brahmin [Part III]

I have to come back to the story now ...has been shelved for a few days now...read on..

Sindhu was awakened by Shakara Shastry's yelling at her. "Sindhu, can you arrange for my tumbler of coffee? Do I have to beg for it now? What kind of a woman sleeps till the Sun rises high in the sky?" He yelled at her before she even had the time to stand up on her feet. Sindhu was ashamed that she had slept in late. She hurried past him without a word, towards the kitchen - on the way, she glanced at the clock on the wall. She was stunned! It was a full 2 hours ahead of her usual waking time. Shankara Shastry had woken up earlier than usual and was kicking up such a fuss.If only...

She choked on a sob when she remembered how her mom woke her up as a child - "Sindhu, my little princess...wake up my sunshine" She would rub her soft hands on Sindhu's forehead very gently and prodded her till she was wide awake and smiling!

What did she owe this to? She never knew...

"Sindhu, I'll have 2 more Idlis"..just that sentence from her husband as she served him breakfast made everything else vanish for Sindhu. She watched him lovingly as he ate. Silly her, it was all her fault. He was a great husband wasn't he? That's what everyone in town told her. She chided herself to be more happy - see the good side of him always!

Babu came that afternoon to talk more on the Temple rituals during the Durga Pooja season. Sindhu wished from behind the door that she was asked for an opinion too - her father always had said that she was a smart girl. Her friends always thought that she knew a way out for every problem they had while growing up.

Now as Babu and Shankara Shastry debated on how to adjust the finances to meet the upcoming expenses, Sindhu silently wished she was part of the discussion too - she tried imagining what would happen if she just walked in and sat beside her husband and dived into the conversation. She trembled at just the thought.

Sindu casually moved a little towards the door and stood in the doorway - part visible and part hidden. Just like her thoughts. Neither open nor hidden.Neither here nor there.

As she peeped into the verandha, Sindhu caught sight of the maid as she served coffee to both Shankara Shastry and Babu. She was quick to see that the coffee cup was precariously placed between Shankara Shastry's elbow and the stool on the side. Just a small movement from his elbow would spill the burning hot liquid on him and worse of all lead to a scene she and the maid would remember for a long time to come.

Without thinking any further, Sindhu quickly went in and moved away the cup - just in time. Shankara Shastry's elbow hit her hand - just missing the cup topped with scalding liquid.

What followed next, changed the lives of four people...a change that was never meant to be. A change that didn't have to happen, and a change that was irreversible.

Shankara Shastry went blind with rage, and grabbed Sindhu by her hair as she turned to leave with the cup. He turned her around and spat into her face. Sindhu was shocked!

"You are such a useless woman. I curse the day I married you. Even the maid here has better sense than you. What she had done was right. What is wrong with you? I have forbidden you from coming in front of the visitors in this house - but no, you have to make an exhibition of yourself. It is not that you don't understand - it is your ego. You have to display yourself - don't I know this?" He stormed out of the room - the rage if it had a color would have been white. Blank, vicious, capable of destroying anything that it hit against....

Sindhu stood rock still. What would she do now? Any action didn't seem to fit in with the pain that spilt her heart, the hurt she felt or the way her self was exposed to people around her - strangers who knew the deepest secret about her relationship with her husband. She felt naked at this point.

The shame and insult tagged with being naked doesn't have to be associated with the physical self of a person - it could be in ways that only love, trust and respect could cover and protect like the way clothes do.

Any decent woman, even any decent man would know what this means.She experienced this - at the very moment.

Sindhu silently left the room. Her walk gave away nothing. Her eyes said nothing. Her entire being was calm. A calm before the storm came...a storm that engulfed her very being, a storm that destroyed everything in it's wake...

My Music And Those High Notes!

A small interlude from the story line - had to share this music file from a recent music gathering I enjoyed singing in :-)

I have to tell you - the positive energy that got built at that moment was simply FANTASTIC - and all those high notes did their magic on me !!!

I consider it a blessing to be signing...

Listen to the below link:

http://www.4shared.com/dir/10392782/4ec935fa/myMusic.html

(select the Check box , Double Click on the file name, Click on "Play" and also on the "Play Button" below - bring up the volume! Enjoy!)

Like it?

The Greedy Brahmin [part II]

Some day ...thought Babu and walked towards home as the Sun set behind the faraway mountains.

As soon as he reached home, Saraswati began ranting about all that she needed for the house and her impending trip to her mother's place. They were all the same he thought.

He said nothing. He quietly ate his meal and lay down on the cot, under the stars...

There was something about Sindhu that brought up very strong feelings in him - something that was nostalgic....very familiar..

Voices, faces and screams - all seemed to swim together, as Babu drifted to a state of being half asleep..

"Babu, where are you - you devil! It seems like you were born to bring misery to me, as if all that I had in my life already was not enough.." Shouted his mother. She waited there at the entrance of the house with a stick in her hands. Babu shivered at the very sight, as he looked at her from his hiding place on the neighbour's staircase. He had apparently finished most of the 'payasam' she had made for the guests who were coming to see his sister in the evening. And she was wild at this moment for there was no more money on them to get all the ingredients and do it all over again.

"Babu, you better come out or I will rip the skin off your back when I lay my hands on you". Babu didn't have a choice - he slowly walked towards his mother.

One...two..three..the slaps burnt through his skin..Babu shut his eyes close as tears rolled down his cheeks.

She stormed back into the house throwing curses at him and his father.

Babu wished he had a normal family too. His father was a priest who barely managed to feed his family. But, he was a gentle human being who always helped and served people with no expectations from anyone including his wife. All that she told him was how worthless he was, every single day. He bore the grunt of everything for the love of his children and just so that they had a home to live in.

Every single meal in their home was tension filled. Babu always stayed away, hiding behind a box or a door - praying that their regular arguments didn't reach any new level. His father walking away from his plate of food, his mother sobbing as if someone had died at home - was a very common scene. She screamed at the top of her lungs, and Babu was always embarrassed about what the neighbour's thought of them.

Tonight after such a fight, he heard his mother yell from the kitchen "I don't know what sin I had done in my previous life to beget you and these monster kids. God, why don't I die before I have to see more".

His father lay on the cot under the stairs - he saw the terror in Babu's eyes. He gestured him to come near - he just held him close. Babu's own tears were mixed with those of his father's..

He never forgot his father's agony..

There were a million such incidents that tattered his childhood. If one ever saw it, it would have looked like a cloth with a million holes in it - some big, some small - everyone of them indicating an incident that had ripped his heart out as a child...

He swore on that day that he would avenge all of these tears - all those gentle thoughts and sentiments that would have lived in a happy little child of his age were now replaced with very strong, mature feelings of anger and hatred. The innocence was long gone!

In his little mind - his mother had ruined it all - for every one of them..

He would one day get back. Successful and strong - was it to impress his mother, or was it to prove something else? He never knew, and never cared.

After all this time, as Babu lay there he realized what it was about Sindhu that was familiar. Those were the same eyes - those of his mother's! There was the same haunting look in them, the same controlled anger, the same hunger to be loved, the same hatred for something unknown, the same silent strength, the same something...

Did he love it or hate it? He didn't know. He was most certainly drawn to it - a very powerful pull that he didn't resist...

The Greedy Brahmin [part-I]

Panduranga Sharma the village priest hurried towards his home after a day long ceremony at the village head Shankara Shastry's house. The village head had performed his father's annual ceremony that day without holding back any effort on his part as a son.

Panduranga Sharma's mother fondly called him as "Babu" and half the village elders called him by that name. He had been recently married to Saraswati, a simple, plain village girl who didn't say much and had her head bent at all times. Babu was doing everything he could to make ends meet, and even travelled to nearby villages to offer prayers on behalf of people on various occasions - birth and death meant the same to him. He was gifted with a loud voice and clear speech, making his renderings very impressive. He was shrewd and knew how he could always make a fast buck!

Now as he washed his feet, he couldn't get his mind off of something at the village head's house. The food! There were so many varieties and of such good quality - the pooja in the afternoon had been followed by a discussion of re-birth and some quotes from the hols scriptures. But, Babu's mind was full of thoughts of food - he was obsessed with the idea of getting his fingers into the delicious spread that lay before him. The lines between religion, beliefs, knowledge everything merged for him at his point of obsession.

His wife Saraswati fed him a sumptuos meal and sat by him to talk about her impending trip to her mather's place for Diwali. She was disgusted about how he remained absent minded most of the times - she got up and lay down in their little bedroom in the corner of the house.

As Babu lay under the stars, in front of him came the image of Sindhu the village head's wife serving his favourite food. She stood tall and beautiful - with eyes that could haunt you and expressions meant only for those who caught them!

He heaved a sigh...he wanted to be places, do things and possess things he had always aspired for...

A few weeks later Babu happened to be back at the house of Shankara Shastry and they were debating the issues at the village temple. Shankara Shastry was a person of very strong principles - unable to compromise with anything that fell short of his expected level from everyone around him. His wife Sindhu unfortunately always happened to be a victim to all of his anger when someone broke his rules, his expectations, and for everything else that went wrong.

The way he punished her was by his silence - he simply said nothing. And she, on her part craved for his attention, his affection and everything else she expected from a man in her life. She loved him and held him with high respect nevertheless. She bloomed at his praise, danced at his smile, the Earth slipped below her feet when he was angry, died when he was unhappy, shivered at his touch - and did everything she could to please him...

She hated the days he was in a foul mood.

Sindu stood at the doorway holding the bowls of sweet 'Payasam' she had so lovingly prepared for Shankara Shastry. But, just the sight of her staning at the doorway where people could see her enraged Shankara Shastry - he bellowed "Sindhu, I would be happy if you left - please ask one of the servants to bring the food here" The house seemed to shake!Sindhu quickly turned and dissappeared...

Shankara Shastry did not think it necessary to throw an explanation at his audience.His arrogance did not let him makke anyone worthy enough to be discussing matters pertaining his family especially his wife...Sindhu. He loved her- but, in his own ways.He did what he thought was good for her, did what his ancestors did with women. He didn't sing her praises, didn't recite poetry for her but loved her in his own strong, steady ways - he respected her in twisted angel and could not bear to think that anyone was even worthy of her sight!

Babu sat on the porch as he ate the delicious 'payasam' - perplexed and slightly shaken with all that happened around him.Sindhu always seemed like a mystery to him.

Later that afternoon, he had an opportunity to talk to her as he waited for a cup of tea at the kitchen door.She casually asked how things were with him and his wife. So, he responded that he was looking for some money so that he could buy a gold chain to please his wife on their first wedding anniversary.Sindhu hesitated for a minute, went to the cupboard in the store room and came out with some cash and gave it to him. She said "take this and make her happy". Before Babu could say anything, she dissappeared....

The Way You Move - Body Language [Series-I]

When I talk to people, the first thing that always reaches me are their gestures, the way they move their hands, their eyes and their body language in general even before I hear what they say..maybe just me?

I don't think so - there are a lot of people that fall into my category.Those of us who notice probably...

Don't you know people who laugh with their hands covering their mouths? haven't you shared a table with people who drum on the dining table? chatted with people who shift from one leg to another, throw their heads back while laughing, smile while they type e-mails, shake hands at every word you say, stand very close to you while talking, interject their conversation with nervous laughter, mask their sentences with false confidence by talking very loudly....so many ways...

Picking up from a wiki - the following caught my attention:

Per formal definition, is a term for communication using body movements or gestures instead of, or in addition to, sounds, verbal language or other communication. It forms part of the category of para language, which describes all forms of human communication that are not verbal language. This includes the most subtle of movements that many people are not aware of, including winking and slight movement of the eyebrows. In addition body language can also incorporate the use of other facial expressions.

-One of the most basic and powerful body-language signals is when a person crosses his or her arms across the chest. This can indicate that a person is putting up an unconscious barrier between themselves and others. It can also indicate that the person's arms are cold which would be clarified by rubbing the arms or huddling. When the overall situation is amicable, it can mean that a person is thinking deeply about what is being discussed. But in a serious or confrontational situation, it can mean that a person is expressing opposition. This is especially so if the person is leaning away from the speaker. A harsh or blank facial expression often indicates outright hostility. Such a person is not an ally, and may be considering contentious tactics.

-Consistent eye contact can indicate that a person is thinking positively of what the speaker is saying. It can also mean that the other person doesn't trust the speaker enough to "take his eyes off" the speaker. Lack of eye contact can indicate negativity. On the other hand, individuals with anxiety disorders are often unable to make eye contact without discomfort. Eye contact is often a secondary and misleading gesture because we are taught from an early age to make eye contact when speaking. If a person is looking at you but is making the arms-across-chest signal, the eye contact could be indicative that something is bothering the person, and that he wants to talk about it. Or if while making direct eye contact a person is fiddling with something, even while directly looking at you, it could indicate the attention is elsewhere.

-Disbelief is often indicated by averted gaze, or by touching the ear or scratching the chin. When a person is not being convinced by what someone is saying, the attention invariably wanders, and the eyes will stare away for an extended period.

-Boredom is indicated by the head tilting to one side, or by the eyes looking straight at the speaker but becoming slightly unfocused.

-Interest can be indicated through posture or extended eye contact.

-Deceit or the act of withholding information can sometimes be indicated by constantly touching the face during conversation/ covering the mouth while talking.

There is so much more to this topic - I'll write a series on it probably :-)

So, the next time you meet a person, eat, or talk - observe the various patterns...it is pretty fascinating.

Better still, look within yourself and see what you are conveying to the world!

An Interesting Performance

A performance I enjoyed.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6579876666240016353&hl=en

A Beautiful Song

A song that always gives me the strength to keep going...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECmvcIiuvVs

The Burn

Last afternoon when I returned, I drove past the very person - the person who threw me and my family off a curve and now walks on the face of this earth with a false face of innocence. A look of contentment drawn from the satisfaction of belittling another human.
I did not even meet his eyes - because I still cannot accept anything else but the fact that at one time what I had seen in those very eyes was innocence and truth. And, I had trusted it...I don't want to believe the image I see today.

He has changed me and my family - changed our sentiments, our relationship and turned us into people who can never trust another human...

He has recently lost his father - we were all very sad on hearing the same. And, I had hoped that somewhere the right values in him would emerge to the forefront, and make him more human...But...

I wish that some day he has the moral courage and the dignity to come up to me and apologize for what he has to done to me and my life.

I hope one day he will realize the damage he has done...and that just by running away, the situation does not correct itself nor will become the right thing...

Till then...I'll burn in that very anger...the anger and the helplessness to do anything I can to hurt him back. I know exactly what I can, and how I can break the whole thing down...but I won't, simply because I don't want to be him...

GPS For Life?

What are people expected to do when they lose their way in Life?

People on the roads use maps
People who hike use a compass
People on the sea are guided by the winds

What do I do?

Why don't they make a GPS for Life?

Maybe there is one already that exists in some form - maybe I just don't see it....

It's All About The Time Frame

As I drove back home today - happy at some things that had crossed my life - I missed those friends I knew last year at this time. I missed sharing that happiness and sharing the laughter...

Those were some innocent moments - I so truly wish that they had stayed innocent before being corrupted by the world!

Time had changed and so had everything else..

People, friends, relationships - seem to swing to the moods of time!

I met a good buddy yesterday to catch up and while we chatted, found out how hollow she had become from the last time I met her! I was shaken up by how time had treated her.. I missed seeing her carefree, happy smile! Her life had changed. So much gone by in just a few months - gone were those dimpled smiles...

The changes brought by time seem to mock in our faces when they are positive...

Just the last week,I talked to a friend who recently lost her dear father...all she wanted was for time to turn back. A time where she could pick up the phone and call her father.A time when he would call to wish on her birthday, on festivals and on any other special occasion...

Does time touch even relationships we perceive can remain untouched? Are these out of bounds? Wrong. It does - it reaches everywhere.

I heard about our friends, a couple who had fought against all odds to get married, and were now going through separation - we went to their anniversary party just the last year around this time...how time had changed everything.

Does it end there? No.

My little one has been pestering me for a game for the last 3 months. And I had held it back so that I could bribe her when I needed to. Since her birthday is round the corner, I told her yesterday that I would be buying it for her as a birthday present. And pat came the reply - "Mumma, I'm too big for her. It's a baby game. I don't want it anymore".She didn't need it anymore. Gone was her need for it. I had held it back and had rendered it useless. Time had changed it's value...

I realized that even the most precious object, the same cause - you thought meant everything to you or the same person who was so important for you, have a limited meaning.

I also realized that they lose their meaning and the very essence of their importance when brought out of that time frame which eventually brings with it a context.

Thinking about it, everything time touches may not be in the negative sense - there's some positive too.A year ago,I didn't have the time to eat my meal peacefully...I was so busy with so many things that took precedence at that time. Music didn't mean much. But, today my world has changed. My music is my life. I live and breathe it! And it puts a smile on my face - and that is not a bad thing!

Again, like I always said - we need to appreciate and enjoy the moment while it lasts. This as I infer is the truth, as the very thing(s) may not mean the same in a different time frame....

Enjoy your time while you live in it.

Sending positive thoughts your way...

When Innocence Triumphs

Two weekends ago, I was involved neck deep along with my little one where she participated in a live ballet - hosted by her 'Bharatanatyam' teacher. The live ballet was about the great epic 'Ramayanam' set to music and danced to perfection by renowned artists and little angels alike.

It was a fantastic performance. All involved had put in their heart and soul into the performance.

Me, my little one and 49 other children sat there for about four hours in the last seats of the theatre, silently waiting for our turn. Every now and then a child would prance up and down to stretch her little legs, she would then giggle with a friend, hug her mommy or stand there with her hands on hips -unable to express how tired she was or how impatient to perform her tiny act.

Snacks, trips to the rest room, drinks of water and after all the tantrums, I had to lead the children to the green room behind the screens. There we sat again for about an hour. Hot, sweaty, and silent. The little ones waited - unable to move, talk or giggle. My heart went out to them - just for hanging in there.

At last - it was our turn. When the little 'Vanara Sainyam' was needed to go on stage! Off they went...bouncing, jumping, and rolling on...not one, not two, but fifty of them!

The brown little monkeys - smiling from ear to ear! All ready to perform and all ready to please!

They formed the bridge and as soon as Lord 'Shree Rama' entered, began the chant of 'Jai Raam ...Jai Jai Raam"...so melodiously and so innocently. The huge hall echoed with their chant! The happiness they felt seemed to reflect every bit on their angelic little faces. Were these our children or really little monkeys of the monkey army, transported into the great epic in time and space...I wondered.

The glee, the joy, the reverance...just came together...

I stood their with tears in my eyes behind the curtains thinking...this was innocence. Every bit of it....after hours and hours of waiting, tired and hungry - after hours of putting up with all sorts of inconveniences...here were these tiny beings...doing and acting just the way they were taught.

Giving all they had into their performance and enjoying what they did - all so that their teachers, friends and parents would be pleased! Just like tiny little animals...so eager to please their masters...

If this was our innate nature, our true human self...where and how do we transition into the people we end up being - why do we move away from this innocence and shun it?

The sweaty, shiny, happy little faces had taught me something...

I was truly touched...

A Nothing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx_Iqhopppg

Song For the Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8ab6D5MzEI

All That Passes By

The moon tortured me again this evening.

Every single time I see the beautiful moonlight, I have a million emotions that surge up in me.

I almost picked up the phone - to call him and tell him to look at the moon. To tell him that I wish he were here - but, I didn't. I couldn't. I wish I could. Something in me stopped me.

No idea what came in between. Distance of the minds or the distance of where we had moved to. Which was greater? I didn't have an answer.

In the end, I stood all by myself on the patio and watched the most picturisque moon as it bathed everything in my view with it's beauty.

A friend of mine lost her father in the month of June. She was someone who adored her dad, and would call him up on every single pretext - advise, kids issues, office squabbles, and whatever else happened in her day to day life.

But the last she spoke to him, she had a fight. He had sent her a lot of eatables from her home town along with her sister who was visiting her. And, she picked up the phone and told him that he shouldn't have since she was moving back to India anyway in a few days. And when I met her a month ago, she cried saying "I should have thanked him for thinking of me - instead, I screamed at him?

And that was the last she spoke to him. It will haunt her always that she could have done it differently.

How many of us do things that we could have done differently? If we ever imagine that this will be the last day of our lives, and the last time we will ever meet or talk to that person, will we not do things differently?

I think I would. Just like the way I would have loved to be with him and talk to him. Just like the times when he would talk to me endlessly with a smile on his face - those whispers that meant nothing at all...

I wish I had done things differently. I wish I had not wasted my precious time doing things I didn't have to, I wish I had the power to unwind and just do it right for once.

Every morning when you wake up, think of things you could do differently like the way you would want to when you think back a few years later - and who knows you may never have a second chance at it...

Regret has no place in the future...it is now and here...

Mahashasura Mardini - The Life Force in Every Woman

When the evil is defeated by the goodness..

The 'Rakshashas' ran and hid in the depths of the 'Pathala' and tried in vain to hide in the darkest of the corners - thinking they would never be found...

But, the 'Adi Shakti' hunted them down and leveled the bad with the good...history, mythology wherever one wants to search...there is always justice that was done in the end.

Time has been witness and will continue to wait and watch as this continues even in the 'Kaliyuga' - where the new world 'Rakshashas' will be punished for their wrong doings - by the very same 'Adi Shakti' and 'Maha Shakti'in one form or the other. Who knows?

There is also enough evidence in our mythology or history that a woman is capable of making or completely destroying everything that has done her wrong...like they say every woman is an incarnation of the very same 'Adi Shakti'

Listen to this beautiful chanting:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiq6MddfBM4&NR=1

The same is depicted in a dance form:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQHryzwcndw&feature=related

The word Shakti, meaning sacred feminine force, and Durga reflects the warrior aspect of the goddess, embodying a traditional male role. She is also strikingly beautiful, and initially Mahishasura tries to marry her! Other incarnations include Annapurna and Karunamayi (karuna = kindness).

The Great Goddess Durga is said to be exquisitely beautiful. Her form is blindingly bright (devi), with three lotus-like eyes, ten powerful hands, lush hair with beautiful curls, a red-golden glow from her skin and a quarter moon on her forehead. She wears a shiny oceanic blue attire emitting fierce rays. Her ornaments were carved beautifully of gold, with ocean pearls and precious stones embedded in it. Each god also gave her their own most powerful weapons, Rudra's trident, Vishnu's discus, Indra's thunderbolt, Brahma's kamandalu, Kuber's gada, etc. Himalayas gifted her a fierce whitish golden lion.

According to the narrative from the Devi Mahatmya of the Markandeya Purana, the form of Durga was created as a warrior goddess to fight a demon. The demon's father Rambha, king of the demons, once fell in love with a water buffalo, and Mahish Asur (the demon Mahish) was born out of this union. He is therefore able to change between human and buffalo form at will (mahish means "buffalo"). Through intense prayers to Brahma, Mahishasur had the boon that he could not be defeated by any man or god. He unleashed a reign of terror on earth, heaven and the nether worlds.

Eventually, since only a woman could kill him, the Holy Male Trinity went down to the river Ganges and prayed the mantra, "Om Namo Devaye", imploring of the great goddess Devi to save their realm from ruin. They were blessed with her compassion when the goddess Durga was born out of the river.

Fear And Pleasure

I'm a big fan of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's philosophy - he was an institute in himself.I've been amazed and enamoured by the depth of his thoughts.

Fear and pleasure were lifelong themes in his public talks.He so simply puts in words how fear and pleasure are two sides of the same coin - how the fear of losing the once tasted pleasure breeds more fear.

So beautifully said - read on...

The following is an excerpt from his talk in San Diego in 1970.

“Fear is always in relation to something; it does not exist by itself. There is fear of what happened yesterday in relation to the possibility of its repetition tomorrow; there is always a fixed point from which relationship takes place. How does fear come into this? I had pain yesterday; there is the memory of it and I do not want it again tomorrow. Thinking about the pain of yesterday, thinking which involves the memory of yesterday’s pain, projects the fear of having pain again tomorrow. So it is thought that brings about fear. Thought breeds fear; thought also cultivates pleasure. To understand fear you must also understand pleasure – they are interrelated; without understanding one you cannot understand the other. This means that one cannot say ‘I must only have pleasure and no fear’; fear is the other side of the coin which is called pleasure.

Thinking with the images of yesterday’s pleasure, thought imagines that you may not have that pleasure tomorrow; so thought engenders fear. Thought tries to sustain pleasure and thereby nourishes fear.

Thought has separated itself as the analyzer and the thing to be analyzed; they are both parts of thought playing tricks upon itself. In doing all this it is refusing to examine the unconscious fears; it brings in time as a means of escaping fear and yet at the same time sustains fear.”

When Life Slows You Down

Six thirty AM and it's time to wake up
Seven AM I have a call related to work
Eight thirty and the cleaner is here
Nine AM make breakfast
Nine thirty ensure everyone is dressed and ready to face the day
Ten AM is the music class
Eleven AM I have to drive back
Twelve thirty is the dance lesson

Oh my God! it's already two thirty and I have to be at a birthday.

Six PM I have a call to make

In between all this, there is the homework from various classes, work issues, home front issues - plumbing to groceries to ants on the stairs, neighbours problems, emotional angel and issues for the family, health of all people around, and the general PR that needs to done with all we deal with...

Ten thirty and I'm still working -every inch in my body aches...

If this routine happens on a weekend, where will I end up? I have forgotten even to smile maybe :-(

This is the basic minimum a parent today can do. And if one is a woman and working on top of it, God save her :-)

I'm sure all of our lives are consumed and we are all in the rut. Running ...after something.

But, like I posted in my last posting on this blog - a mindless routine offers solace too at times. That comfort enjoyed, there is more to life than that - do you agree?

I always had ideas of the various things I want to do growing up and after having reached a point in life - my charter is undone. And today, the only excuse I have is that I run out of time.

I also on the other hand realize - I just have to try and drop dead in my tracks. That's the only way to slow down. And good or bad, I had the first hand experience that life goes on.

Nobody or nothing will stop for you - that's the bitter truth of life.

So, slow down...enjoy this moment...this is the only thing that belongs to you...and the only thing that you have an influence upon. To make it better or worse - everything else is on cruise control...and will go on no matter what.

Breathe....and let go...and live NOW. Just this moment....

When Life slows you down...slow down for Life!

Slavery To Discipline And Those Beaten Routes

Every single morning rain or shine, even if the cold is cracking into one's bones - I hear him walk on tip toe. At the very same hour.A minute later, the whir of the brush, followed by the shower. The minute I wake up - there is a pleasant face to greet..the him I talk about here is my husband.

I always teased him, made fun of him in front of my cousins and friends - I said "He can't change his habits for anyone. He is too disciplined" and what not.
Little did I realize the effort that was involved behind that very discipline I mocked.
Doing the same thing day after day consistently without expecting anything in return is something beyond my capacity and comprehension. Every evening there is a definite routine - the coffee machine is loaded for the next morning, a cup and a spoon kept next to it, with a clean bowl for oatmeal. Little things...in perfect order.

That's my husband for you!

I prided myself on being spontaneous but I now realize the comfort in being predictable after all that life has taught me. My emotions, my spontaneity - times where I surged with every high tide, every small joy and sank to the deepest of deep oceans - then I hadn't seen the real life. I was just plain happy and saw the world through my pink glasses.

But, today when I think I'm hitting a spot of no return, a point where I'm afraid to lose my sanity - nothing helps but losing myself in a routine - mindless routine.

Storms come and go, good or bad he leads on...happy to have companionship when available, enjoying his solitude if otherwise, steady and solid...I bow down today to that disciplined routine.

In a book I had glanced at sometime ago, it talked about some common habits of great people. And, it talks clearly about self-discipline. So easy to preach and so very difficult to practice.

What is self-discipline?

It is something one does or an action one performs irrespective of what their emotions are/mental state is.

I read that the five pillars of self-discipline are: Acceptance, Willpower, Hard Work, Industry, and Persistence. If you take the first letter of each word, you get the acronym “A WHIP” — a convenient way to remember.

Then of course comes the comfort of having a routine.

Isn't it the same routine that we so despise and the same very routine that we crave at other times? In times of hardship, in times of a crisis, our mind craves the very comfort of that mindless routine. Where everything is set to cruise control and everything is predictable.

We as humans seek predictable results, set to a definitive pattern no matter what the burn through has to be endured to get there - we seek happy endings.

Do we realize that we create everything - the beginning, the middle of it and the ending too - with our emotions, our thoughts, streaks of our character - good as well as bad.

We seek trodden paths, beaten routes...it's all about the comfort rendered by familiarity.

Good or bad - that's the reality and that's who we are. And who are we to judge?

But kudos to all those who can delve and thrive while running those roads towards their goals - rain or shine. Selfless, emotionless, non-judging, no good or bad thoughts for anyone or about anyone - completely focused on the finish line....

In the end, I envy you - I wish I were you...

Some Thoughts!

When chatting with some people I met today, I realized I had the experience of a 'Satsangh'...good people, good talk, positive thoughts all resulting in positive energy is what a 'Satsangh' is about. Isn't it? Thanks to the person who talked to me on all those subjects.

I present one of the topics discussed...

What is Character?

Here is a small story - Buddha on one occasion was travelling from town to town. He found a disciple in the first town, and gave him a handful of seeds. He told the disciple to keep them very very carefully, so that he can get them back on his way.

So, the first disciple kept those seeds locked away in a treasure vault along with his jewels, money and everything else that was so precious.

Buddha reached the second town and found another disciple. When it was again time to leave that town, Buddha gave the disciple another handful of seeds to keep safely.So the second disciple kept those seeds at his place of prayer along with all the deities and things of worship. He worshipped the seeds too as a part of his daily prayer ritual.

Buddha reached the third town and found his third disciple who was a simple farmer. The farmer was hesitant to meet a great person like Buddha - but his longing to hear Buddha speak and his urge to gain something from the great soul drove him to conquer his bashfulness.

On the last day, Buddha gave him a handful of seeds too and asked him to keep them safe.

Once Buddha had completed his mission of travelling to places he had planned to, he decided to re-visit his disciples.

In the first town, when asked by Buddha about the seeds the disciple proudly showed the silk cloth he had wrapped the seeds in! But, opening the same yielded a powder as they had dis-integrated over time. Buddha was sad at the result.

In the second town, the same story repeated. The disciple had failed to get his master's message.

In the third town when asked for the seeds, the farmer hung his head in shame. He said "Forgive me master, I have no seeds to give you back. I have however, sown the seeds, which in turn will give us some fresh seeds. I could not see the seeds being wasted"

Buddha was thrilled! He had finally found a disciple who understood his message.

That was the story!

But the moral from the above story is that it is not enough to know about traditions, about the right from the wrong etc. etc. if we do not put them to use. We need to sow those seeds into our everyday life and practise them.

Character is not what we think about or how great our thoughts are. It is practise that becomes a habit, and it is habit that becomes character!

The debate of good character Vs Bad character is a whole new discussion in itself...another place..another time...

Till then, take care of your self - the real inner self.

Round And Round

Another article from a good friend's blog:

Round and Round

I was in a meeting the other day with a few executives deciding on a strategy to implement a new tool. My role was to advise on what were the potential pit-falls of choosing one over the other.

Anyway, the meeting was scheduled for one hour and I observed that after the first 15 minutes, we were going round and round in circles repeating the same thing again and again, however using different words which basically meant the same. I am sure all of us have seen this happen - more so when there are peers at a leadership level without one trying to pull-rank over the other. I told the folks in the meeting that I needed to step out and could be called once they got their act together.

Here is something to think about - why do we go round in circles trying to decide? Is it because we are not strong enough to decide? Or is it because we want everyone to win and not have a heart-burn? Or is it because there is lack of leadership in a meeting? I would want to say that lack of leadership which translates to decision making capability is usually the reason that no one makes the "executive decision" and move on.

So, the next time you find that your team / peers are going round in circles, will you step up to the plate and make the decision or you will let someone else make the decision for you? Think about it!

Grateful Forever!

On this day I wish to thank you for making
me your mom
On this day I wish to forget the loneliness
I felt when I did not have you
On this day I wish to forget the day I was
watching children play
and people questioned "how is it not being a mom?"
On this day I wish to forget the fear
of never having any of my own

On this day forwards, I wish to remember the joy
I felt when I first held you in my arms
On this day I wish to remember your
first smile
Your cuddles, warm hugs and wet kisses
Your first steps, your first song

On this day I wish to thank you for making me a better person...
On this day I wish to thank you for warming my heart forever...

An Article on Shift

A good article I recently read - the author is a friend of mine...putting it for you to read...

"Every era is marked by a fundamental shift - In power, In Economy, In technology. This new era is exactly what you say about it being a global, borderless community. We need to take a step back and analyze that why there has been a shift in the "power-bases" as have rightly pointed. It is the burning desire (if I may) about the "have-nots" to succeed. This is not just relevant in the global IT ecosystem. It is across countries, cultures, industries and economies.

Now, is this a good thing or a bad thing? I believe that it is good (a challenge is always good) because when we feel that we are not in the driver's seat anymore we tend to re-focus on our core competencies. We tend to look at what can we do better (see the theme of the burning desire to succeed) and therefore we innovate. Yes, the transition is difficult to deliver results almost immediately however during the transition we need to ignore the noise (outsource / job-loss etc.) and focus on what we can do the best - become the center of global IT. That should be the goal. There can we a number of various strategies to achieve this goal however I feel the primary strategy should be coopetition."

Another Good Song...

I like it...and here I share with you...very up-beat!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVF4TfAYPZk

A dialogue free version of the same song is available below - I like this version better :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OOlu7gUTYA&NR=1

Enjoy!

Dial M for Murder

We've all grown up seeing Hitchcock movies, and one of his best ones I think is "Dial M for Murder".

Dial M for Murder (1954) is a film directed by Alfred Hitchcock starring Grace Kelly, Ray Milland, and Robert Cummings, and released by Warner Brothers. The movie was based on the almost identical stage play of the same title by English playwright Frederick Knott (1916-2002).

The Plot:

Tony Wendice (Ray Milland) is a former tennis player who married Margot (Grace Kelly) partly for her money. To please his wife, he has given up tennis and now sells sports equipment. Margot once had a relationship with Mark Halliday (Robert Cummings), a crime writer for American TV, but broke it off when Mark went to the U.S. for a year. In time, they stopped writing to each other.

Tony and Margot have made their wills, naming each other as beneficiary. For a year, Tony meticulously plans Margot's murder. She has no idea that Tony knows of her love for Mark. He has gone to great lengths to steal a handbag containing one of Mark's letters, and even assumed the role of an anonymous Brixton-based blackmailer to find out whether she would pay to have it back.(She did, but he asked for only £50.) He even watched them having a little farewell party (eating spaghetti with mushrooms) in Mark's studio flat in Chelsea.

Tony slyly withdraws small amounts of money for a year, collecting £1,000 in (used) one-pound notes, with which he plans to pay a contract killer. He singles out the perfect man to do the job: C. A. Swann (Anthony Dawson), who now calls himself "Captain Lesgate", an old schoolmate who had embarked on a life of petty crime when they were students together. Tony knows that now he will be able to blackmail Swann into murdering his wife....

For the rest of the story....watch the movie - don't miss it!

Popcorn, a blanket and the movie - just be sure not to have your wife by the side :-)

Empty

One of those days and times when everything feels empty. Fill it up with things you like to do - fill it up with some activity to do...enough advise. why run away and try to make oneself busy?

I'm so tempted to leave this page empty...just to give you a feel of what it feels like...






















what say?

Black Magic

I'm sure all of us have heard about it at one time or the other. Believe it? No?

We'll see what you think at the end of this story..

There used to be a woman who lived down the street and she always made heads turn, for she was weird with very odd looking clothes. She never spoke to anyone, or even lifted her bent head when she walked in the colony. She was a music teacher at a high school, and always lived in her own world.

During one of my vacations when we had just moved to the town, there was a proposal that I learn music from her. As soon as my other neighbour heard it, she almost fell off the chair and said - no, no you should not even go towards her house.
Upon enquiring, we found out the following story.

Sumathi the music teacher had a niece who lived with her as her sister had died during child birth. So Sumathi had stayed unwed and was raising this niece. People came to learn music from Sumathi even at home away from her school. This gave Sumathi an extra income she could use. Sumathi lived in a small two bedroom flat on the second story in the yellow quarters very close to the fence of the colony that adjoined a small pond.

Sumathi and her niece Geetha got along very well - Geetha looked up to her as if she were her own mother. During the time Geetha had reached the first year at college, they found out that they were about to have new neighbours! They were excited as the flat opposite had not been occupied for a long long time. One fine morning, they heard the sound of the pressure cooker and some melodious music from a radio come out of the flat. Geetha the kid she was, immediately rushed to ring the bell. The door was opened by a middle aged man who had a smile on his face and a pleasant personality. He welcomed her inside and they were soon chatting as if they had known each other forever!

Lunches and dinners followed. At the end of a month, the neighbour Mr.Chary was almost living in Sumathi and Geetha's flat - going to his own house only to sleep.

In a matter of six months, it was obvious that Mr.Chary and Sumathi were very attracted and were seriously thinking of settling down together for the rest of their lives.

By the way did I forget to tell that Mr.Chary was a widower? Things moved at a very fast pace from that point on.

It was the month of January and one morning Geetha woke up feeling very sick. This continued for over a week before Sumathi insisted that they see a doctor. Upon investigation, it was found that Geetha was pregnant!

It was a shock for Sumathi who almost fainted upon hearing it - Geetha just kept crying and wouldn't budge into telling what exactly had happened.

More coaxing from Sumathi and with many threats, Geetha told her that one afternoon when Sumathi was not at home Mr.Chary had wandered by. One thing led to another and the worst had happened - he had mis-led the innocent young girl and had threatened her that she dare not tell anything to her aunt, who was so blindly in love with the sly man. He was trying to salvage a situation and make the best of it for himself!

Needless to add, misery followed - the two were not aunt and niece anymore. They turned into two women who were cheated by the same ruthless person, who was not only characterless but also thought he was clever to take advantage of the situation and be benefited.

On one dark moonless night, Sumathi woke up in the middle of the night to find Geetha absconding. She knew it...she didn't have to look far.

On his part, Mr.Chary had found out about Geetha's state and had forced her to come away with him. He needed someone to lead his life with and this girl was carrying his child - so why not? She was younger and would work for him for a long time - so it was a good choice to live an easy life.

Sumathi continued to live there - hanging on to the same house, same objects, smelling the perfume on Geetha's clothes. She had gone mad with the pain - she didn't know how to handle it.

Every moonless night she came to the cross roads on the street and made some offerings to someone - a red something, flowers, a pumpkin, some lemons and a black mass that was stretchy and shiny to some deity interested in these obviously.

She moved in the shadows all by herself carrying something under the sweater she wore. She wore either black or red colors on those days and was found sitting on the edge of the pond chanting something....

People rumored that she had turned to the dark forces to help her avenge her disgrace, her misery and her loss...she was hurt beyond all words. She was cheated by someone she had trusted...and she would not be quiet about it...

Anyway, that summer we moved again - and this time to a city up North to this town. I settled into yet another school - and enjoyed my new friends. We forgot all about Sumathi.

That Novemeber on one of our trips to a friend's marriage, we heard that her niece Geetha had died of Cancer...all of a sudden. She had died vomiting blood....she had died in his kitchen with no one to even notice her rotting body for three days...Mr.Chary was out on a tour..what an end...

Sumathi was found on her couch the same night with her wrist slashed, her artery punctured..and a picture of Mr.Chary in her lap...

Once I returned from the wedding, I ran up to the library near the vegetable market.

Found what I was looking for and turning the pages of a musty old book, found this excerpt...

Black magic or dark magic is a type of magic that draws on malevolent powers. It may be used for malevolent acts or to deliberately cause harm in some way. It is alternatively spelt with a 'k' (magick), this term is also known as black magic, dark magic, the dark arts of magic and dark side magic.

In fiction it refers to evil magic. In modern times, people who believe in or claim to practice magic use the term to describe the harmful magic that they consider immoral, as opposed to the good white magic.

Black magic would be invoked to kill, injure, to cause misfortune or destruction, or for personal gain without regard to harmful consequences to others. As a term, "black magic" is normally used to describe a form of ritual that some group or person does not approve of. Not everything that is called black magic truly has malevolent intentions behind it, and some also consider it to have beneficial and benevolent uses, such as killing off diseases or pests.

I shut the book and looked out...I felt a chill...I felt something...I saw from the corner of my eye...something had moved. I turned around and saw nothing and no one....was I imagining?

A shadow silently crossed the lawn...a beautiful young girl smiled at her own reflection in the pond...

Tyaga

One of the paths shown by our ancient Hindu scriptures to absolve oneself, and be removed from all attachments is by following the path of 'Tyaga'. Renunciation, giving up, letting go are some of the synonyms to this term.

Read below a paragraph from the Bhagavad Gita that talks about this:

(This excerpt is courtesy of the Gita society CA)

Arjuna asked: O Krishna, You praise the path of renunciation (transcendental knowledge or Samnyasa) and also the path of performance of selfless service (KarmaYoga, Tyaga). Tell me, definitely, which one is the better of the two paths. (Gita 5.01) I also wish to know the nature of Samnyasa and Tyaga, and the difference between the two, O Lord Krishna. (Gita 18.01)

Renunciation means complete renouncement of doership, ownership, and selfish motive behind an action; and not the renunciation of work, or the worldly objects such as wealth, family, and residence. Renunciation comes only after the dawn of Self-knowledge. Therefore, words renunciation and Self-knowledge (Jnana) are used interchangeably in the Gita. Renunciation is considered the goal of life. Selfless service (Seva, KarmaYoga) and Self-knowledge are the necessary means to achieve the goal. True renunciation is attaching all action and possession - including body, mind, and thought - to the service of the Supreme Lord Krishna. Thus Samnyasa cannot be given (by a Guru), or taken as an alms in old age as commonly practiced; it is the most advanced state of mind that has to be achieved by sincere Sadhana.

Lord Krishna said: Verily, there is no purifier in this world like Jnana, the true knowledge of the Supreme Being (ParaBrahma). One who becomes purified by Karma-yoga discovers this knowledge within, naturally, in course of time. (4.38)

Whatever goal a Samnyasi reaches, a KarmaYogi also reaches the same goal. Therefore, the one who sees the path of renunciation and the path of unselfish work as the same really sees. (5.05)

But, true renunciation, O Arjuna, is difficult to attain without KarmaYoga. A sage equipped with KarmaYoga quickly attains Nirvana. (5.06)

Selfless service (KarmaYoga) provides preparation, discipline, and purification necessary for renunciation. Self-knowledge is the upper limit of KarmaYoga; and Samnyasa is the upper limit of Self-knowledge (Jnana).

One who performs the prescribed duty without seeking its fruit for personal enjoyment is a Samnyasi and a KarmaYogi. One does not become a Samnyasi merely by not lighting the fire, and one does not become a yogi merely by abstaining from work. (6.01)

O Arjuna, renunciation (Samnyasa) is same as KarmaYoga. Because, no one becomes a KarmaYogi who has not renounced the selfish motive (sarva samkalpa samnyasi, Gita verse 6.04) behind an action. (6.02)

The sages define renunciation as abstaining from all work for personal gain. The wise define sacrifice as the sacrifice of, and the freedom from, the selfish attachment to the fruits of all work. (18.02)

We have used the word 'renunciation' for Samnyasa, and 'sacrifice' for Tyaga in this rendering. A renunciant (Samnyasi) does not own anything. A true renunciant works for others, and lives for ¾ and not on ¾ others. Samnyasa means complete renunciation of doership, ownership, and personal selfish motive behind an action, whereas Tyaga means renunciation of the selfish attachment to the fruits of all work, or just working for God. A person who does sacrificial services (Seva) for God is called Tyagi, or a KarmaYogi. A Tyagi who thinks that he or she is doing all works just to please God will always remember Him. Bhakti is defined as work done with love to please God. Thus NishkaamaKarma or Akarma --- work done just to please God --- is nothing but Bhakti. Therefore, it is mentioned in the following verse that Tyaga, NKY, or the path of selfless service to humanity is the best spiritual practice for persons living and working in the modern society.

Obligatory work performed as duty, renouncing selfish attachment to the fruit, is alone regarded to be sacrifice in the mode of goodness, O Arjuna. (18.09)

Renunciation of attachment to the sensual pleasures is the real sacrifice (Tyaga). The perfection of Tyaga comes after a person becomes free from the clutches of attachments and aversions and in no other way (Mahabharata 12.162.17). One cannot become happy without Tyaga, one cannot become fearless without Tyaga, and one cannot attain God without Tyaga (Mahabharata 12.176.22). Even the bliss of trance should not be enjoyed just for the sake of enjoyment. The Gita recommends renunciation while living in the world, and not the renunciation of the world as commonly misinterpreted.

Give up attachment, and attain perfection by renunciation is the message of the Vedas and the Upanishads. Lord Rama gave up His kingdom, and even His wife for the establishment of righteousness (Dharma). Selfless service or "Tyaga" is the essence of the Gita as given in the last chapter of the Gita. A person who is Tyagi cannot commit sin and is released from the cycles of transmigration. One can cross the ocean of transmigration and reach the shores of salvation in this very life by the boat of Tyaga only.

One may practice any one of the Nine Types of Renunciation (Navadha Tyaga) leading to salvation, based on the teachings of the Gita: (1) Renunciation of actions forbidden by the scriptures (Gita 16.23-24). (2) Renunciation of lust, anger, greed, fear, likes and dislikes, and jealousy (3.34, 16.21). (3) Spurning of procrastination in the search of Truth (12.09). (4) Giving up the feeling of pride of possession of knowledge, detachment, devotion, wealth, and charitable deeds (15.05, 16.01-04). (5) Rejection of selfish motives, and attachment to the fruits of all works (2.51, 3.09, 4.20, 6.10). (6) Renunciation of the feeling of doership in all undertakings (12.13, 18.53). (7) Giving up the thoughts of using the Lord to fulfill selfish material desires (2.43, 7.16). (8) Spurning of the attachments to material objects such as a house, wealth, position, and power (12.19, 13.09), and (9) Sacrifice of wealth, prestige, and even life for a noble cause, or for the protection and propagation of Dharma.(2.32, 4.28).

Mr.God...Wake Up...

Mr.God, do you read blogs? Ok do you read this blog ever?
Alright am I getting too close for comfort? Chill..just a friendly banter!The know-you-me better kinda chatter..

I wonder what your routine is every single day. Wake up, make lists - give something, take away something, a little less, a little more for you...alright, I'll thrown in a bit more.No more and that's final! Is that what it it is and is that how you do it? Fun eh?

I admire you for how well you juggle things. Must be hard I'm sure going by how many things all these millions of people keep asking you for - the demands, the negotiations, the prayers, the begging and the zillion other combinations. Oh! mind boggling just thinking of it. Great job there though! Don't mind switching places - ah..ah..don't sweat - won't take it away Sir!

Before I forget, a friend of mine was trying to ask you something - so how do we reach you again? A phone, a fax, an email address, a postal address - which one do we use? All or none? I'm a bit confused, because nothing ever seems to reach you - and nothing ever bounces back either.

So, where does all of it go? You have a trash too? No hard feeling - I'm just pulling your leg...am sure you are super busy, and nothing takes a priority until it is super urgent. I understand...

Hey, also what do you do when you see that something is unfair and those people who create misery for others are walking free? Yeah, believe it or not - I saw them the other day...not a trace of guilt or remorse. Happy and carefree - so, what about them?

C'mmon I was kidding - didn't mean that you did it and created the bad situation. Was just asking what you did with them...you don't have to take offence for it. Mistakes happen - even if you created the mess, the humanitarian thing...err..rather the Godly thing would be to rectify it. To show that you regret the wrong deed. That should at least help the situation. What say?

Not sure how they do it in the place you live (heaven), but this is what humans with good values are expected to do.

Do you take vacations too? You must be planning for a backup I'm sure.Must be hard for the backup to play God and be demoted back again once you are back...power corrupts you know :-)

Anyway too many questions for you - write back when you find some time. Better still, post a comment...it works on my blog :-) Just kidding...:-) or maybe not..

BTW do you like coffee?

A Fence of Nails...

A very close friend of mine sent this to me - and I had to share it :-)

Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.


There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails
and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back
of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next
few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily
gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to
drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father
about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger,they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.

It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there.

"A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.

They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."

Yet another one...

Another song close to my heart:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=dXTJe4b0D7Y&feature=related

Things Unsaid

If Looks could kill...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7vqRyfy1_ys&feature=related

Bharati

"Amma, I can't come today..." said Bharati standing behind the door in the veranda. My mom just nodded her head and got up to go into the kitchen - "Everyday it's some story or the other" muttered my mom under her breath.

I sat there in a cane chair sipping my coffee and watching the whole thing. Bharati turned and walked slowly towards the gate - I saw her wipe a tear with her torn saree.

I followed my mom to the kitchen and asked her - "Mumma, why are you so harsh with her?" And before I completed my sentence, mumma said "What do you want me to do? Everyday she has a story for not coming to work. I pay her a salary for work, and she has no commitment. You tell me for how long do I have to tolerate this?" I was silent. I had no answer for this side of the argument either.

The next three days passed by and there was no sign of Bharati. My mom tried to reach her through others who knew her, but to no avail.

At around noon on the fourth day, I went to the nearby store to pick up a loaf of bread, and while I waited at the counter to pay I saw a little girl playing with a bunch of boys. I recognized the shy smile - she was Bharati's daughter! The little girl had no care in the world - she kept wiping her runny nose and continued to chase her brother and the other lads. "Hey, where is your mom?" I stopped the girl and asked her. She just pointed in the direction of a house only to resume her chase.
I followed the road in that direction and entered a small alley that ended at a doorway.

The whole wall was painted a weird green - with a million drawings on the threshold and the ground in the front. I knocked on the half open door very hesitantly. What was I even doing here I thought. There was no response. I knocked again. There was a small faint voice - "who is that?" I replied - "This is me. Anita". There was a silence.I softly opened the door. Then I saw the dimly lit room, and was shocked to see Bharati lying on the cot. She looked like a shadow of herself. All curled up and wearing an even older, torn saree. She just seemed to have faded away in the last three days. Her eyes were puffy and red. They told stories of her own. Was there a doubt that she had been crying and that too without a break?

The room had a musty smell. Something very stale about it. Bharati sat up on the edge of the broken cot, and tried to regain her composure. She was silent for a few minutes and then looked up. Her eyes were full of questions. They were questioning my presence there. I didn't know what explanation to give. All I said was "I was just passing by and found your daughter so.... But, anyway mumma has been looking for you for three days now. Where were you?" There was no reply. She had bent her head low. In a soft voice I asked "Are you okay?".

All that happened after those few initial questions will always always remain in my heart and I will carry it with me for the rest of my life, in a very special way.

She started to sob softly. She stuffed one end of her blue saree into her mouth and sobbed. The sobs racked her being. It felt as if her heart would break open and her tears seemed not to do justice to what she felt right at that moment.

I was a little taken aback. I then looked around the room for something to sit on. It was a very tiny room, and at one corner was a stove and some vessels, indicating that it was used as a kitchen. At the far end was a small area that had a tap and a drain, indicating that it was a bathroom. Lastly, I saw a small shelf that had some pictures of Gods I did not even recognize. I found a small stool and I dragged it close to where Bharati sat.

I waited for her to get a gasp of air and when I thought there seemed to be some space in her sobs I asked her "Bharati, what is wrong?" She resumed her sobs. I coaxed again and she was silent. Then she said "Anita Didi (meaning older sister), I don't know what to do..." I again repeated my question.

Bharati's husband Bhushan worked as a watchman in a chemical factory nearby. And the factory was owned by the Singh family. Bhushan did not have a very reputable character to flaunt either - he was an alcoholic, who believed in torturing his wife in every possible uneducated manner. And they had two children from their terrible marriage, which was held on the last thread solely due to Bharati's efforts for the sake of the children. This, Bhushan always mistook for her helplessness and abused her even further.

I gathered all this information in bits and pieces in between sobs and gaps of silence. I waited for her to resume talking....patiently.I have to be honest that I felt waves of impatience and irritation, but those eyes kept me glued to the spot where I sat...

She then asked me a question I didn't have an answer to - "Didi, is it wrong to be bound to your morals? Just because I'm poor, am I not allowed to have a character?"

I looked at her perplexed, and she further went on to explain the situation to me...

Mr.Singh apparently had taken a fancy to Bharati, who in spite of bearing two kids looked half her age. Her smile and good humor made her a pleasant person in better times than this. On this one occasion when Mr.Singh's wife was away on a trip abroad to attend her sister's son's wedding for a couple months, Mr.Singh had found a lot of ways to bring Bharati to his house when he was alone. And on one afternoon last week, he had crossed all the limits and had held her hand while she handed him a cup of coffee. She was dumb founded and was too scared to say anything. This, he took as an encouragement and let his hands wander over her body - to places where the only man allowed was her wedded husband. She was shell shocked and silent. But after about a couple of minutes, Bharati felt a surge of anger rise through her, and with a force known to only a woman pushed against a corner, pushed him away with all her might.

He stepped back, and looked at her with a surprised look. "Are you out of your mind? what do you think you are doing?" He asked with scorn and arrogance. There was a silence followed by Bhaarti crying in a corner near the sink. "Sir, please don't tell any of this to my husband" She sobbed. He mocked and laughed "And why shouldn't I?" Bharati realized that Mr.Singh's level of decency was way below than her expectation. She mustered her courage and said "Sirji, I don't want to do all this - I just want the salary to raise my kids. Please leave me alone".

He laughed again "Yeah right - you know what? I'll give you a deal. Go back home today, and come back to me after five days. And after that one time I'll never ever bother you - I'll never breathe a word of this to anyone.I'll also make sure you are compensated enough for this. think about it. don't be fool..now go.."

Bharati had run home as fast as her legs could carry her...

And here she was - in front of me with a day left from her five days before she went back to him with an answer.

Bharati found her voice again and asked me "Didi, you tell me - what is the right thing to do. I don't want to do any of this, but I'm helpless too. Why can't the world just let me be..."

Was this woman's character less worthy just because she was poor, helpless and had the odds against her? But, when I thought again - what did she lose anyway if she went the other way - her marriage was on the rocks anyway. So, what did her morality leave her with?

I looked out of the tiny peep hole carved in the wall in place of a window...and felt warm tears course my cheeks.

Anita, I said to myself - haven't you run away from half the way around the globe just for the same reason?

Me - I had run away from where I lived and my work and my life. All because Mr.Shah the owner of my startup wanted to have some fun with me - he wanted to losen me up in his own words. The jerk! After all that I had done for him - I had stayed at the hospital when his wife mis-carried, let her cry on my shoulders when she was depressed, cooked for them when they didn't want to eat - and all that he had gathered from it was that I wanted to roll in the hay with him. He had missed the point completely somehow. I was angry, frustrated, and humiliated.

For what? I didn't know - probably because I was mis-judged and thought of as an easy ride - it hurt me to even think that I was easy....So, I left....far away.

Our lives were similar - sisters at heart. weren't we? The disparity in our worlds did not seem to matter...

I didn't have a solution for me - who was I to help Bharati? I walked out of the green house silently...

After a hundred steps or so, I stopped in my tracks - something clicked inside me. I turned around and came back into the green house.

I took Bharati's hands into my own and pulled her to her feet...

Water

This maybe the one thing that we all take so very much for granted! But, do we realize that we are doing everything in our capacity to be reckless with it's use and wasting it, misusing it in such a way that the future generations are at a risk?

I'm sure you and me have at one time or the other have experienced the sheer pleasure of drinking water after being so very thirsty - nothing comes close to that satisfaction.

A couple months ago, when I hiked in Yosemite I did it with no food or water with me. And believe me, after about 3 hours into the climbing, I could see nothing but water everywhere. There was a river around me, but it's water was not potable. The thought that came to me was - Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink!

The contamination, the wastage and everything else that happens with regards to it, can really worry you if you look into the data!

Save it - it is precious!

The benefits of water are innenumerable - here are some links. There are many more:

http://www.yoga-for-health-and-fitness.com/benefits-of-drinking-water.htm
http://www.benefits-of-drinking-water.com/
http://www.gardenandhearth.com/fitness/Benefits-of-Drinking-Water.htm

Here is a poem on it from Pablo Neruda:

Water


Everything on the earth bristled, the bramble
pricked and the green thread
nibbled away, the petal fell, falling
until the only flower was the falling itself.
Water is another matter,
has no direction but its own bright grace,
runs through all imaginable colors,
takes limpid lessons
from stone,
and in those functionings plays out
the unrealized ambitions of the foam.

Pablo Neruda


I have to also give you some facts and figures on this life sustaining liquid:

Water is a common chemical substance that is essential for the survival of all known forms of life. In typical usage, water refers only to its liquid form or state, but the substance also has a solid state, ice, and a gaseous state, water vapor. About 1.460 petatonnes (Pt) of water covers 71% of the Earth's surface, mostly in oceans and other large water bodies, with 1.6% of water below ground in aquifers and 0.001% in the air as vapor, clouds (formed of solid and liquid water particles suspended in air), and precipitation.[1] Saltwater oceans hold 97% of surface water, glaciers and polar ice caps 2.4%, and other land surface water such as rivers, lakes and ponds 0.6%. Some of the Earth's water is contained within water towers, biological bodies, manufactured products, and food stores. Other water is trapped in ice caps, glaciers, aquifers, or in lakes, sometimes providing fresh water for life on land.

Water moves continually through a cycle of evaporation or transpiration (evapotranspiration), precipitation, and runoff, usually reaching the sea. Winds carry water vapor over land at the same rate as runoff into the sea, about 36 Tt per year. Over land, evaporation and transpiration contribute another 71 Tt per year to the precipitation of 107 Tt per year over land. Clean, fresh drinking water is essential to human and other life. However, in many parts of the world - especially developing countries - there is a water crisis, and it is estimated that by 2025 more than half of the world population will be facing water-based vulnerability.[2] Water plays an important role in the world economy, as it functions as a solvent for a wide variety of chemical substances and facilitates industrial cooling and transportation. Approximately 70% of freshwater is consumed by agriculture.

And, here is the Song for the Day:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=apidVtBk5hI

Another Song...

Love to hear this one - listen on...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=yK_y_TqjkNc

BTW, the full moon is here - have you looked out yet? Take the time - everything else can wait...

For Me...

A little something for me...from me? whatever...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eC92n0wXs8k

Black...

The color itself signifies a very strong something to me...what when everything swirling around you makes it one big ball of black - where the yesterday, the today and the tomorrow seem to concur and become one! One undecipherable tangle...

Questions, questions and more questions - the more I suppress them, the more they want to surface.I cannot carry on the pretense of ignoring them...and why should I? I'm no saint...well, I was not honored particularly and in a nice way either when I was one...so..why now?

Every night when my head hits the pillow, I take a few hours to fall asleep. Thoughts of the past, the present and the non-existent future pull me in a thousand directions.All competing with one another to drag me into an abyss.

The one tiny blip, and the one big question that kills me is "Why was I chosen to play a role in this game of ...? And, why was I punished in the end?" Why me? Every sentiment of mine was ridiculed, and every good intention was tossed in the air - why me? Was there a dearth of fools on this planet Earth that I was chosen? I have never harmed anyone knowingly - so, why was I chosen for this dastardly act? And all of this just because...

Even hatred, and in-difference are hard to come by - in the end everything gets masked by those very bloody good intentions - good for all.One can't even hate? Am I incapable of even hating someone? Why be rendered so useless, and be nauseated at the very memory of all that was the past, and all that was painted black?

Forgiveness - did you say? Sounds good to hear - have you done it even once yourself?

How do I balance the frustration of being caught in between these strong currents? How do I explain to myself why I was punished for doing what I did and for something I did not...to what do I owe the highs and the lows when I touch the borders of lunacy and when everything inside of me threatens to break free - and threatens to break through those false wisps of...

Was it wrong to be right? Or is it right to be wrong?

Which of them is right? Do you know?

All of those thoughts are mutually exclusive. Nothing follows even a pattern - I envy them! At least they are their own masters! Unlike me - bound and slaved to them! Even time has no cure or effect on them - they fly, swim and race in perfect solitude - unabashed!

When all else fails, I try another trick - a game I play with myself! In some weird corner of my mind, I reign control. I sneak in there to challenge it, pull it out and then toss it at the wall - hard and strong - with all my force. It breaks, shatters and is blown to smithereens, and then reveals itself.You know what color it is? Black - just plain black.A big mass of Black...

The people, their thoughts, their make believe worlds, their fake smiles everything makes me wonder - there is someone up there watching, and laughing his head off. Fools that we are! It is funny that we go back begging for reclamation to the person who punishes us - why? No idea. And, he remains silent - because he is God. He has no answers and will not take any of your questions. And he is associated with the color White - really? Shouldn't it have been Black? why? Ask him not me...

This is not me...but when challenged, when bitten, I want to stand up - stand up to fade the Sun away - turn the White to a Black. And when believed in, I can turn the very same Black to White! I fake it to myself you think - maybe I do? But then, what are my choices? Are my tears not tears? Is my pain not pain?
But, all that I want to do now is swim through the murky waters of my thoughts...I'm gasping for air, and that's all I know...

The whole Black and White - there is no room for it here, because they do not and cannot co-exist in the same time period. They never have - it was us who thought they could.It was us who created a make believe world - and the price for it was paid...paid in unimaginable ways...

In a strange way, I wish God could read what I write for him and what I think about him. He would probably then realize that it is time to wake up from his deep slumber, and do what he is God for...maybe he will cry then...will they be tears of blood? who knows...

Buried deep in the crevices of my mind, my thoughts, my memories, and my questions dance in tandem - then they blip! The night has fallen, and I'm engulfed in another endless dream only to wake up more confused - only to shudder that it is not real.

At that hour of the day (or is it night?) I look outside and see that it is Black...silent and Black...

Ozymandius - Is That You?

Just when you think you were thrown and blown away by the rough seas, just when you think you have seen the worst, just when you think you had been tainted by the worst worms of the world, just when you think the canvas was black, the dots, the lines - all merging into one big mess, in a tangle of thoughts - decipherable...I stumble upon this...thrown my way.

What can one say?

...and then there she was in resplendent glory, confident n' dignified...dignified and commanding ....with the world eating out of her hands ...holding sway over the millions who came to see her ...to befriend her, listen to the princess ...mesmerised...and if this princess were to come home ...would the ordinary mortals ...would they have the strength and the capacity to stand the overwhelming magic of her presence...and finally when she comes n goes ...n goes having conquered the world without even a drop of blood been shed ...but nevertheless devastating everything in its wake...what would you call this ??!!...a humble tribute to long lost years by a person ovewhelmed by genuine lunacy .....???...or would you call this ...nay her...Ozymandius the King Of Kings ...nay the queen of queens ...???...overheard someone - someone who could not dare to face lady Ozymandius calling this .... You ?

Kabhi Kabhi...Aisa Hota Hai

Someone sent me this song yesterday...so here it is for everyone to share (turn up the volume):

http://youtube.com/watch?v=XvW4HOKcnPs&feature=related

More Pictures!

Sharing more pictures I recently took!

Seasons And Beyond

A foggy day with a slight drizzle always brings out the urge to write in me. A cozy corner with a book and a cup of coffee - who cares for the world?

A bright summer day, fills everyone around with an energy to chew up every single problem around them.

And Ah! The rains always make me nostalgic and at the same time bring out the element - after all I'm a water girl you see!

The affects of the seasons have always intrigued me - everyone seems to dance in tandem with it's every rhythm.

I could go on about the affect of these seasons on the humans, their psyche and what have you. But, something stops me from going that route. These thoughts are common place. I want to share more than that.

Have you ever felt that you want to say so much, but didn't know where to start? Claustrophobic and confused? I'm sure all of us have been there...I feel that way with this on my hands today.

I'll take leave of the seasons in the real world for now, and take you with me to read about something that goes a tad beyond what meets the eye.

I have always liked this poem by Keats - sharing it below:

The human seasons

Four Seasons fill the measure of the year;
There are four seasons in the mind of man:
He has his lusty Spring, when fancy clear
Takes in all beauty with an easy span:
He has his Summer, when luxuriously
Spring’s honey’d cud of youthful thought he loves
To ruminate, and by such dreaming high
Is nearest unto heaven: quiet coves
His soul has in its Autumn, when his wings
He furleth close; contented so to look
On mists in idleness—to let fair things
Pass by unheeded as a threshold brook.
He has his Winter too of pale misfeature,
Or else he would forego his mortal nature.

1820

S-M-I-L-E

In physiology, a smile is a facial expression formed by flexing those muscles most notably near both ends of the mouth. The smile can also be found around the eyes (See 'Duchenne smile'). Among humans, it is customarily an expression denoting pleasure, happiness, or amusement, but can also be an involuntary expression of anxiety, in which case it can be known as a grimace. There is much evidence that smiling is a normal reaction to certain stimuli as it occurs regardless of culture. Happiness is most often the motivating cause of a smile.

That's a very formal definition of a smile! If I'm asked, I would say it is the easiest way to make things better - for yourself!

Are you down in the dumps? Okay, her's what you do - walk up to to a mirror, look at your own eyes and S-M-I-L-E! A big wide smile :-) There you go - go ahead show all your dirty teeth! Ah! finally that smile is showing!

Seriously, when all else fails the only favour you can do yourself is smile. Even when everything feels raw inside, and you feel you are at the verge of breaking down - smile for yourself.

They say it is a great exercise for all the facial muscles.

My mom always knows when something bothers me - she says my smile doesn't reach my eyes. She immediately smells it out, and a mom-daughter chat gets initiated right away. And now, I do the same with my little one - when I see the modd is not upbeat, seems sad and is trying to hide something, I even force my little one to smile - just for that 30 seconds. love that smile!

So, this weekend - keep up that smile! Say C-H-E-E-S-E!

Why? I care.....that's why :-)

Listen to this:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Rn-1c14a9zg

My India - Delhi

I have been constantly chatting with you all about various things - stories, poems, recipes, jokes and what not! Are you still with me? :-)

Now, I would love to take you on a tour of India - places of interest (to me? ;-) Maybe...all those little and big places I have seen, and would want to visit some day...in this life time.

India is a great country - beautiful and diverse. It has unveiled beauty, unbeaten paths, and a million secrets all hidden in it's belly! If only we had the opportunity and the good fortune to even touch or see an atomic part of it's grandeur!

For me, every place has some weightage due to it's history. It has to have some character associated - that's when it makes it to my list. Just plain metros don't attract me :-)

I want to start with Delhi - for obvious reasons! The capital of India and also it being a place that holds special memories for me! Me, who stayed in this place for the first few years of starting my life with my hubby. It's a great place, with a lot of history and culture associated with it! The people are a happy lot - they have a motto in Hindi "Mast Raho" - no tensions be happy!

Very friendly but at the same time you learn a lot about dealing with people! Very diplomatic and very sure about what they want. Money - plays a very important part in this society. People are big on luxuries! This philosophy gets extended to their marriages, the way they live and everything else that touches their everyday lives.

Food! A very important part of this place and culture! My mouth waters just thinking about the million varieties of 'Chaat'...'aloo chaat', 'fruit chaat' etc. etc. One should not miss eating one of each of all the types of 'Paranthas' that are available too..."Ande Ka Paranta', 'Mooli Parantha', 'Aloo Parantha'....Yummy!

Come Summer, and the roads are filled with "Kulfi Wallahs' till late in the night. And surprisingly you will see people roaming around till midnight eating by roadside from the street vendors, also called "thelawallahs'. Lassi, milk shakes and fruit juices are very popular too...

Every stree corner has 'Halwais' who have big huge woks (kadais) full of milk that they keep stirring to reduce - to make the delicious 'rabdi' or 'masala doodh' - it is sinfully delicious!!!

Summer and the winter are equally severe in this city. It is very fog on most winter mornings, so much so that almost every flight taking off or landing from this airport is either delayed or cancelled during this time. Even driving around at least till the Sun isn't fully up is very dangerous. To all, is the added pollution and smog! But, Delhi has cleaned up it's act and the pollution is considerably lower than what I had seen a few years ago - good news there!

Sight seeing can be very exciting and time consuming at the same time. The best way to see Delhi is to take a guided tour. There is the India Gate, Qutub Minar (the world's tallest free standing minaret)etc. The one place a lot of people miss is the Lotus Temple (Bahai temple). I used to work about 5 minutes from there, but never got to see it while I was there...it is very beautiful - do not miss it!

While in Delhi, don't miss the shopping :-) A great place for clothes, leather and other goodies.

There is so much more that I possible can never cover here....check out more information on the web...and if you ever get a chance, don't miss going there in person. You'll never regret it!