Chaya - The Shadow

Trrriiing...Trriiiing...the shrill ringing of the phone continued as I came bounding down the stairs. By then, my maid Gauri had beat me to the race and was barking into the receiver "Who is this?". She turned to me and said in a whisper "It is Mr.Yash". She handed the receiver to me with a coy smile on her face, and moved away from the room.

At last, he had called. In a split second, my mind was racing - should I take the call, or should I just hang up on him? I knew why he was calling - to tell me the supposed "good news". He was getting married.
Married to the one chosen by his family. A girl that belonged to a similar background as his, similar financial status and from the same village.So, his family had approved of his bride-to-be!

A part of me celebrated with him, because he was more than a bum-chum to me! I had grown up with him. But, there was the woman in me that wanted to slap him for what he was doing to me.

Well, I guess my good upbringing, my education and my values stopped me from doing anything. Instead, I took the call and held my breadth. Waited for him to break the good news! He said "Chaya, I'm getting married. I've finally found the girl, and I want you to be the best girl!" what an honor! I have always been your best girl Yash- your best friend and best everything for so long. Yash, I don't need a tile now!

I simply replied "Congratulations Yash! ofcourse, I'll be your best girl". Now, who cared how many million pieces my heart had broken into right at that moment? Yash was too excited to notice that I wasn't even speaking anymore. I was told that the arrangements were all made, and it would be one grand wedding!

Sure, I would be there to watch my buddy step into the family mode. I was happy that Yash was going to be a responsible husband.

Who was happy for Yash? Me, or my shadow - as my name suggested? I didn't know anymore.

The rains came early that season. It hadn't stopped pouring down since this morning - and it was past 2:00 PM in the afternoon. I saw on the porch and watched the rain. Gauri was busy making some coffee for me in the kitchen. I had always shared this cup of coffee with Yash for many many years. He had lived across the street and all I had to do was shout his name. And, it would typically be on a weekend, and he would appear out of nowhere and plop himself right beside me- to share my laughter and my coffee! Things were so simple and uncomplicated at that time.

"Chaya, guess what? My wife Sonia found a job! I can't believe it, she managed to do it in such a short time". Really Yash, I had done it too. Just that you had not noticed it.

I only said "Fantastic, you deserve to celebrate!" I was happy for Yash - I always was, when good things happened to him!

I was invited over to their anniversary dinner. Wow! what a spread- I said looking at the table laden with a variety of food. Immediately, I heard Yash pick up "Yes Chaya, Sonia has worked very hard to cook all this food!". Yash, I had always worked equally hard, whenever I cooked for you in all these years I have known you.

But, all I said was "Happy Anniversary Yash!". Yes, and I sincerely was happy that my buddy was so content with her cooking. That was the true me.

Who was happy for Yash? Me, or my shadow - as my name suggested? I didn't know anymore.

The rains had stopped. I was too busy to notice the change of season. Work was the only thing I knew these days.

It was 4:00 PM in the afternoon, and I had just heard the news! I had been promoted! I was now the Vice President of the unit I once worked for. It was a big achievement for me! I had to share this news with Yash.

With all the effort it took when one was too excited, I dialed his number. Yash answered the phone on the first ring. Without even waiting for him to say hello, I said "Yash, guess what? I got what I had been aspiring for - my dream come true!".

Yash sounded a little irritated - "Chaya, can I call you back? I'm with Sonia helping her pick a new outfit for her brother's wedding. She will be mad if she doesn't find me right outside the fitting room. I'm sure you understand being a girl!" and he laughed loudly into the phone. What a joke! I said "Sure Yash, I understand. Bye. I'll catch you later". Oh, so he had noticed I was a girl too. But, the similarities to the gender seemed to end there in his mind.

"Chaya, we are planning to do some gardening this summer. Sonia loves to grow everything on her own." Oh really Yash? I'm sure you forgot the herbs and the tomatoes we had grown together a decade ago. I said "That's a good way to use your time during summer". I was happy that Yash had re-discovered his green thumb.

Who was happy for Yash? Me, or my shadow - as my name suggested? I didn't know anymore.

"Chaya, Sonia got a promotion! Can you believe it. Her boss is impressed with the work she delivered. In such a short time Chaya - she is amazing!" True Yash, Sonia was truly amazing - she had delivered everything you spoon-fed her with, in such a short span of time. Did you happen to forget that I had achieved everything on my own? All that I said was "Please convey my congratulations to Sonia!" I was happy that Yash was thrilled with his wife's progress in her career.

Who was happy for Yash? Me, or my shadow - as my name suggested? I didn't know anymore.

"Yash, I need you to take me to the city this evening. I need to attend my boss' wedding reception, and I have to be there. And you know that I'm scared to drive by myself after dark.I'll get someone to drop me off after it is done". Yash was in a rush to meet Sonia at her parents' house. "Chaya, her brother is going off to study in another city. I have to be at their house. Sonia will be upset if I'm not there". Sure Yash, I understand.

Was expecting your childhood buddy to be there for you when you need him - too much to ask for? Maybe. But I was happy that Yash was always smiling these days!

Who was happy for Yash? Me, or my shadow - as my name suggested? I didn't know anymore.

I decided to take a vacation for a couple of weeks. Go far away, and be with myself.

I reached the sea town after driving for a couple of days. All by myself. Stopping at every little place I took a fancy for! I had thoroughly enjoyed the drive.

As soon as I reached the little inn, the owner came into sight and asked me if I needed help with my bags. I gratefully accepted. He introduced himself as Harsh. I met him again during breakfast and got to chat a little about the sites I could see during the day time. He was very helpful, and gave me all the information and even offered to drive me around. An offer I couldn't refuse coming from a local!

Harsh seemed to be a very intense person. He said less, and meant more than what he said. He seemed very genuine. Books were our common interest, and life had thrown many surprises at both of us. We seemed to share a lot in common.

It struck me that when I spent time with Harsh, I laughed easily, was very happy and just seemed to come alive! He was so much like Yash - always brought out the best in me!

It was after dinner that Sunday evening. We were sitting on the balcony and chatting up with a mug of coffee. I always felt very secure in Harsh's company. The night air was warm. There was soft music that wafted through the adjacent dining room. The moon shone bright, and the stars seemed to dance with some mystical glee. Harsh broke the conversation, and softly said "Will you marry me Chaya?" My heart stopped. I shivered for a second - the breeze had picked up and the trees swayed.

Was this true? or was I dreaming?

I only said" Can we talk about it in the morning please?" Harsh simply nodded, got out a light coat, draped my shoulders with it and walked me to my room.

I was shaken. I just lay there thinking - what if I said yes? Would I be betraying myself and all that I still felt for Yash? I heard myself laughed at that idea - Yash of all the people? He was happy and busy and had moved on? So, who was I imagining that I was making the sacrifice for? And what if I said no? I could have my life all to myself. No one would disturb me in my own little shell. I laughed at my own humor!

I called Yash the next morning "Yash, I have to share something! I have a surprise! Yash seemed to have just woken up "Chaya, give me a minute. Okay, now tell me - I had to give this cup of coffee to Sonia. She goes mad if I don't wake her up with this first thing. So, what were you telling me?...." I simply mumbled.."I think I found someone I want you to meet...Never mind Yash. I'll call some other time".

I had broken free! It didn't hurt anymore. The expectations had ended. At last! Yash was happy. So, I think all I needed to do was let him go....

Me and Harsh settled down in the sleepy little town. We had two little angels of our own! Harsh was more than I could ever hope for in a husband! Life sailed on. But, every cup of coffee I sipped while it rained brought memories of Yash back to me.

I always wondered who had lost in the end? Did he lose me as a friend or a special someone? Or had I lost him as a friend or a special someone? I could never find out.

After all these years, Yash had sent his latest pictures - He had his arms around his wife....smiling from ear to ear and he looked content! I was happy after all this for Yash.

Who was happy for Yash? Me, or my shadow - as my name suggested? I didn't know anymore. I didn't care anymore...

What I had missed seeing at the back of one of the pictures were the words "Chaya, I miss you...wish you were here, with me!". Smudged with a tear....