The rain on the pane
The howling wind
The afternoon that is engulfed by the darkness
A song caught in my heart
A thought bold enough to take shape
A thought afraid to breathe life
Some words being transient
Silence being eternal
Love and hatred that co-exist in the same space
Anger and kindness that take turns to ebb and flow
The fragrance of familiarity
The sounds of nostalgia
Memories vivid with colors
Nightmares painted with the same
A state caught between sanity and insanity
An effort founded on strength
A final push at life with everything at stake
An existence unsure
A wish to let go
A wish to let live
A wish to vanish...
What am I to do with these?
Where do I hide them? What do I mask them as?
Will that be the Truth or a Lie?
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
A Song By Dr.Rajkumar
Like this song - sung by Dr.Rajkumar in Kannada:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNwFXRe9YIc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNwFXRe9YIc&feature=related
Saturday, February 21, 2009
The Tug
Sitting by the window sipping my usual cup of coffee on a gloomy afternoon like this one, with 5 minutes to go before I get on to a call at work, I feel a tug...
A something tugs at my heart...a mad fleet into the past, a scream at the pesent and a something else for the future...
Isn't a human being such a fool? So wrapped up in this mere act of existence...so tied up in bonds and expectations...
A pity.
Life as it unfolds isn't a great design by the Creator...
Or maybe that's what is different? and that the very essence?
Who knows.
The tug at the heart is difficult to ignore...
A something tugs at my heart...a mad fleet into the past, a scream at the pesent and a something else for the future...
Isn't a human being such a fool? So wrapped up in this mere act of existence...so tied up in bonds and expectations...
A pity.
Life as it unfolds isn't a great design by the Creator...
Or maybe that's what is different? and that the very essence?
Who knows.
The tug at the heart is difficult to ignore...
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Kalyani
I was introduced to the "Kalyani" Raga today, and I simply love it!
Even though it can be sung at all times, Kalyani is as an evening Raga. It is usually sung at the beginning segment of a concert, since its Tivra swaras create the proper musical atmosphere.
Hindusthani Ragam Yaman (Yaman That) is the same as Kalyani. There are numerous Jugal Bandhis featuring the fusion of Kalyani - Yaman by Carnatic - Hindushani musicians. (Balamurali -Bhimsen Joshi; Seshagopalan-Ajoy Chakrabarti;
Ramani - Rajam; Ramani - Pandit Jog; Balamurali -Hariprasad Chaurasia, and so on).
Kalyani is also featured in Hungarian Music.
Tyagaraja's famous krithi: Nidhi Chala Sukhama, stand out as a masterpiece.
If Sankarabharanam is the flagship of the Suddha Madhyama segment of the Melakartha Ragams (1 - 36), then, Kalyani takes the position among the Parthi Madhyama Melakartha ragams (37-72). Kalyani is the Melam No. 65, and is called
Mechakalyani to confirm to the Katapayadi Sankhya counting to obtain the number 65.
Listen to it - it is BEAUTIFUL!
Even though it can be sung at all times, Kalyani is as an evening Raga. It is usually sung at the beginning segment of a concert, since its Tivra swaras create the proper musical atmosphere.
Hindusthani Ragam Yaman (Yaman That) is the same as Kalyani. There are numerous Jugal Bandhis featuring the fusion of Kalyani - Yaman by Carnatic - Hindushani musicians. (Balamurali -Bhimsen Joshi; Seshagopalan-Ajoy Chakrabarti;
Ramani - Rajam; Ramani - Pandit Jog; Balamurali -Hariprasad Chaurasia, and so on).
Kalyani is also featured in Hungarian Music.
Tyagaraja's famous krithi: Nidhi Chala Sukhama, stand out as a masterpiece.
If Sankarabharanam is the flagship of the Suddha Madhyama segment of the Melakartha Ragams (1 - 36), then, Kalyani takes the position among the Parthi Madhyama Melakartha ragams (37-72). Kalyani is the Melam No. 65, and is called
Mechakalyani to confirm to the Katapayadi Sankhya counting to obtain the number 65.
Listen to it - it is BEAUTIFUL!
Friday, February 13, 2009
The Overloaded Feb 14th!
I got a call from a friend this evening asking me "Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?"
I thought it was the usual what are you doing this weekend question. I said nothing special. And she goes "C'mmon it's the Valentines Day!".
Oh! I thought. And, so...? what does it mean to me?
What am I supposed to do? And what is expected of me - as a wife, as a mom, as a friend and whatever else?
I wasn't born in a household where we celebrated this. I didn't grow up among friends whose families celebrated this festival. Nor grew up exchanging Red Roses!
Yes, only after we went to college was when we girls wore Red one year and collected roses. That was in the final year of our engineering course! It was cute in a weird way :-)
BTW, I wasn't the girl who got the maximum roses - I actually took it only from one guy and later married him! Oh! do I get an award for that? Nah :-)
All of that background, and here I'm today! What now? Am I supposed to wear Red again and look forwards to the flowers? Am I supposed to flutter my eyelids with a coy smile at the guy in my house? And bite a rose between my teeth ;-) No - I don't need to. He thinks I'm the begin all and end all for him anyway. Nothing else matters to him. Okay, that's what he says anyway :-) We don't investigate and dig into each other's thoughts too much - it's an arrangement that best suits us both for all the right reasons!
Do I tell my little one that I love her? Why only today - I love her every single day of the year. So, nothing new there either :-)
My friends? Hmmm...I love them too always.
My family - whose doesn't love their family? Very common - so why specially the day?
Red Roses, candied strawberries, fake seduction, pouting for attention or the exposed curves - all fall into the category of frivolous behavior for me! I hear sirens wailing "insecure!!!" in my mind when I get to be audience :-)
Who needs all of that when you have the real thing - a real warm glow in your heart? the natural blush on your cheeks, and a racing heart beat at the very sight of...
Okay, landing back on Mother Earth...
As I drove home today after all these thoughts, I decided to call my friend I talk to every evening. I realized - Duh! No phone! I had left it at home :-(
There was absolute silence in the car. Nothing to do and no one to talk to. Just me and my thoughts!
Suddenly there were a thousand reasons to call so many people - oh, I had to tell him that, tell her this, and everything else...but no phone! It felt as if I had gone dumb and numb!
It was then that it struck me - these are the people I'm surrounded with, these are people I rely on, these are people that need me, these are people I care for and the other way round too - people I can't live without! And I take them for granted every single day! I yell at them, get angry, get irritated, run away from them, hide from them and everything else, except tell them that they are special to me!
Maybe that's why there is a special day to think about it! Think about our loved ones and tell them that they are special to us! We work well with tasks - don't we? Everything needs to be scheduled in! And, maybe this is a way to get that done too :-)
That's it then!
What if I don't get another chance to say this - so I want to do it now...
I want to take a moment today to tell everyone I have ever met, have be-friended, have spent a moment thinking about or have crossed paths with - I want to tell you that you are a wonderful human being, and that I love you - and love all of you!
Be good!
================================================
Related History
In the third century after Christ, Valentine was the bishop of Terni (Italy). He performed weddings for couples who were not allowed to get married. They may not have been allowed to get married because the parents did not agree with the connection or because the bridegroom was a soldier or a slave, so the marriage was forbidden. Valentine gave to the married pairs flowers from his garden. That's why flowers play a very important role on Valentine's Day. This did not please the emperor. On February 14, 269 AD, Valentin was beheaded because of his Christian faith.
I thought it was the usual what are you doing this weekend question. I said nothing special. And she goes "C'mmon it's the Valentines Day!".
Oh! I thought. And, so...? what does it mean to me?
What am I supposed to do? And what is expected of me - as a wife, as a mom, as a friend and whatever else?
I wasn't born in a household where we celebrated this. I didn't grow up among friends whose families celebrated this festival. Nor grew up exchanging Red Roses!
Yes, only after we went to college was when we girls wore Red one year and collected roses. That was in the final year of our engineering course! It was cute in a weird way :-)
BTW, I wasn't the girl who got the maximum roses - I actually took it only from one guy and later married him! Oh! do I get an award for that? Nah :-)
All of that background, and here I'm today! What now? Am I supposed to wear Red again and look forwards to the flowers? Am I supposed to flutter my eyelids with a coy smile at the guy in my house? And bite a rose between my teeth ;-) No - I don't need to. He thinks I'm the begin all and end all for him anyway. Nothing else matters to him. Okay, that's what he says anyway :-) We don't investigate and dig into each other's thoughts too much - it's an arrangement that best suits us both for all the right reasons!
Do I tell my little one that I love her? Why only today - I love her every single day of the year. So, nothing new there either :-)
My friends? Hmmm...I love them too always.
My family - whose doesn't love their family? Very common - so why specially the day?
Red Roses, candied strawberries, fake seduction, pouting for attention or the exposed curves - all fall into the category of frivolous behavior for me! I hear sirens wailing "insecure!!!" in my mind when I get to be audience :-)
Who needs all of that when you have the real thing - a real warm glow in your heart? the natural blush on your cheeks, and a racing heart beat at the very sight of...
Okay, landing back on Mother Earth...
As I drove home today after all these thoughts, I decided to call my friend I talk to every evening. I realized - Duh! No phone! I had left it at home :-(
There was absolute silence in the car. Nothing to do and no one to talk to. Just me and my thoughts!
Suddenly there were a thousand reasons to call so many people - oh, I had to tell him that, tell her this, and everything else...but no phone! It felt as if I had gone dumb and numb!
It was then that it struck me - these are the people I'm surrounded with, these are people I rely on, these are people that need me, these are people I care for and the other way round too - people I can't live without! And I take them for granted every single day! I yell at them, get angry, get irritated, run away from them, hide from them and everything else, except tell them that they are special to me!
Maybe that's why there is a special day to think about it! Think about our loved ones and tell them that they are special to us! We work well with tasks - don't we? Everything needs to be scheduled in! And, maybe this is a way to get that done too :-)
That's it then!
What if I don't get another chance to say this - so I want to do it now...
I want to take a moment today to tell everyone I have ever met, have be-friended, have spent a moment thinking about or have crossed paths with - I want to tell you that you are a wonderful human being, and that I love you - and love all of you!
Be good!
================================================
Related History
In the third century after Christ, Valentine was the bishop of Terni (Italy). He performed weddings for couples who were not allowed to get married. They may not have been allowed to get married because the parents did not agree with the connection or because the bridegroom was a soldier or a slave, so the marriage was forbidden. Valentine gave to the married pairs flowers from his garden. That's why flowers play a very important role on Valentine's Day. This did not please the emperor. On February 14, 269 AD, Valentin was beheaded because of his Christian faith.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
The Slum Dog Experience
Last evening, I had the pleasure of spending some time with a couple great friends - after dinner, we decided on watching the much spoken 'bout Slum Dog Millionaire!
Rush...rush...and we were at the theatre in 20 minutes flat :-)
Okay now for the part on the movie.
Open scene - little kids, slums, dirt, heaps and mountains of filth, landfills of plastic...everything that would make one look away.
This followed by gory, torture on kids. A little kids eye is scooped out with a spoon. Made you wince just reading? Watch it and you will want to throw up too.
More filth, more poverty, and more torture all entwined around a flimsy thread of a boy met girl as a child and fell in love well past into his adulthood. Co-incidence that he keeps chasing her and finds her under multiple situations?
You are wrong - coincidence doesn't end there. He goes onto a reality show and all the questions asked there have an incident and very traumatic at that, associated with it.
A good movie idea to connect it with the reality show. But, my regard for the movie and the movie maker ends right there.
I was ashamed that we had to expose this side of us to get to the Oscars! Okay now you might say that Oscars just happened like an afterthought - Hmmmm...not really. Not when the movie maker is trying to shove an artsy movie made for the main stream down your throat laced with atrocities against the most innocent - the children.
It is like showing your wounds to gain something from the other person. It's all about playing the sympathy card, to gain those brownie points.
Yeah, there is a lot of terrible things, a lot of grief and a lot of foul play out there in this world - so what?
What exactly was the movie trying to capture? A story of a kid? There are better stories. Co-incidences? Better ones present. Slums of India? Better movies exists there too.
Atrocities against kids? Was that the attempt?
In the end, I was disgusted at the attempt to make bucks and race to the awards using the raw side of our existence.
Pathetic.
Rush...rush...and we were at the theatre in 20 minutes flat :-)
Okay now for the part on the movie.
Open scene - little kids, slums, dirt, heaps and mountains of filth, landfills of plastic...everything that would make one look away.
This followed by gory, torture on kids. A little kids eye is scooped out with a spoon. Made you wince just reading? Watch it and you will want to throw up too.
More filth, more poverty, and more torture all entwined around a flimsy thread of a boy met girl as a child and fell in love well past into his adulthood. Co-incidence that he keeps chasing her and finds her under multiple situations?
You are wrong - coincidence doesn't end there. He goes onto a reality show and all the questions asked there have an incident and very traumatic at that, associated with it.
A good movie idea to connect it with the reality show. But, my regard for the movie and the movie maker ends right there.
I was ashamed that we had to expose this side of us to get to the Oscars! Okay now you might say that Oscars just happened like an afterthought - Hmmmm...not really. Not when the movie maker is trying to shove an artsy movie made for the main stream down your throat laced with atrocities against the most innocent - the children.
It is like showing your wounds to gain something from the other person. It's all about playing the sympathy card, to gain those brownie points.
Yeah, there is a lot of terrible things, a lot of grief and a lot of foul play out there in this world - so what?
What exactly was the movie trying to capture? A story of a kid? There are better stories. Co-incidences? Better ones present. Slums of India? Better movies exists there too.
Atrocities against kids? Was that the attempt?
In the end, I was disgusted at the attempt to make bucks and race to the awards using the raw side of our existence.
Pathetic.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
A Song For You, Me and Us
I looked out of the window as the train chugged along..
The moon shining brightly onto the empty stretch of fields..
the sight always mesmerized me - when the lights are off in the train compartment, and everyone is fast asleep - you sit there and look out the window. The feeling as if you are a part of that wilderness outside in the miles of fields/mountains - yet be in your own secure shell in the train...
As my thoughts raced with the train...
A song from somewhere played faintly...a song that belonged to me from another life...I closed my eyes and strained to hear...it kept fading away...
Tum Paas Aaye, Yoon Muskuraaye
Tum Paas Aaye, Yoon Muskuraaye
Tumne Na Jane Kya, Sapne Dikaaye
Tum Paas Aaye, Yoon Muskuraaye...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcozGjCBGP0
The moon shining brightly onto the empty stretch of fields..
the sight always mesmerized me - when the lights are off in the train compartment, and everyone is fast asleep - you sit there and look out the window. The feeling as if you are a part of that wilderness outside in the miles of fields/mountains - yet be in your own secure shell in the train...
As my thoughts raced with the train...
A song from somewhere played faintly...a song that belonged to me from another life...I closed my eyes and strained to hear...it kept fading away...
Tum Paas Aaye, Yoon Muskuraaye
Tum Paas Aaye, Yoon Muskuraaye
Tumne Na Jane Kya, Sapne Dikaaye
Tum Paas Aaye, Yoon Muskuraaye...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcozGjCBGP0
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A Change in Times
As the United States of America stands poised and at the threshold of change, I watch the streaming images on television with awe!
It is really a mighty moment in history when one man stands there, as an icon for history that has been re-written. One man who represents all those dreams - dreams people both young and old never deemed possible!
Wow! I was thrilled not for the change itself or because I route for this man, but for the possibility. I'm thrilled at the possibility of a far fetched dream coming true! The limitless, endless possibilities!!! I'm not ashamed to say I cry as I watch it...
I wonder what he would be feeling - what kind of responsibility he thinks he would be inheriting...
It thrills me no end to write this as a moment in history is in the making...and I write as it unfolds...and I post this at 9:01 AM!
His family, his children, his friends - how proud they would be of being associated with him!
When I see and feel this moment, my mind also forces itself to think about some people I knew and have been let down by, in the recent past - how would these people look into the eyes of their families, the eyes of their children. Will they ever be proud? Maybe they will be - they could be proud of cheating people, and letting people who trusted and believed in them down - which probably they could explain to their children as a great strategy to life!
I don't grudge them anything except forgiveness. God be with them!
But, I wish this positive change and this man of integrity the very best for all times to come!
It is really a mighty moment in history when one man stands there, as an icon for history that has been re-written. One man who represents all those dreams - dreams people both young and old never deemed possible!
Wow! I was thrilled not for the change itself or because I route for this man, but for the possibility. I'm thrilled at the possibility of a far fetched dream coming true! The limitless, endless possibilities!!! I'm not ashamed to say I cry as I watch it...
I wonder what he would be feeling - what kind of responsibility he thinks he would be inheriting...
It thrills me no end to write this as a moment in history is in the making...and I write as it unfolds...and I post this at 9:01 AM!
His family, his children, his friends - how proud they would be of being associated with him!
When I see and feel this moment, my mind also forces itself to think about some people I knew and have been let down by, in the recent past - how would these people look into the eyes of their families, the eyes of their children. Will they ever be proud? Maybe they will be - they could be proud of cheating people, and letting people who trusted and believed in them down - which probably they could explain to their children as a great strategy to life!
I don't grudge them anything except forgiveness. God be with them!
But, I wish this positive change and this man of integrity the very best for all times to come!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
What Do These Words Mean?
The best time of my every day is when I spend those fifteen precious moments with my little one - she narrates everything that happens at her school ane me mine - trading at it's best :-)
Endless chatter about..
She was my friend today.. she wasn't my best friend today..You know I did this at school, and you know my drawing was the best...my teacher said I was eligible for the fun fast fast Math game ...and whatever else that has picked the little brain and touched the little heart!
Some days it is "Mumma, I missed you so much...the tears almost came mumma, but I didn't cry because I'm a BIG girl now...". She makes me want to cry at those moments :-)
I share my day with her too - what hurt me, what made me happy in simplified way she seems to understand - some thoughts and emotions escape her, but she nods her head as if she understands every bit of it! On some days when I've had it rough, she is usually silent and at the end always assures me that she is my best friend :-) That is her way of saying that she will always stand by me...no mater what the world says or no matter when my very own fail to...
All this happens with her little legs swung over me, and her head cradled in my arms. Those tiny little hands trying to hold me tighter as sleep threatens to engulf her...
Well, tonight was one of those days - Mumma this, and mumma that...and suddenly out of the blue, she asks me - "Mumma, what does Permanent mean?" I try and explain to her that it is forever. After a moment, she says "So, a permanent marker can also be called a FOREVER marker". I said maybe - but it did make me smile :-)
She then says "Mumma, what does miserable mean?" I again explain to her - it means being sad and unhappy. Silence. She says " I don't like anyone being miserable."
It again made me smile - Genes I thought! I don't like anyone being sad either baby I thought.
She happily slid into innocent sleep, leaving me thinking...
Just these two words coming together could lead an individual being unhappy...chasing a thought, a person, a relationship...mother, father, friend, children and whatever else...a anything where we seek "permanence" can always lead us to being "miserable", as there is no such thing in this universe. The more we try to hold it, the more it escapes...
This is the truth and the sooner we accept it, the more liberated we are! The more our scriptures, our philosophy, our religion and everything pushes us towards this detachment, the more we run the other way I guess....we humans....we love to always learn it the hard way!
Endless chatter about..
She was my friend today.. she wasn't my best friend today..You know I did this at school, and you know my drawing was the best...my teacher said I was eligible for the fun fast fast Math game ...and whatever else that has picked the little brain and touched the little heart!
Some days it is "Mumma, I missed you so much...the tears almost came mumma, but I didn't cry because I'm a BIG girl now...". She makes me want to cry at those moments :-)
I share my day with her too - what hurt me, what made me happy in simplified way she seems to understand - some thoughts and emotions escape her, but she nods her head as if she understands every bit of it! On some days when I've had it rough, she is usually silent and at the end always assures me that she is my best friend :-) That is her way of saying that she will always stand by me...no mater what the world says or no matter when my very own fail to...
All this happens with her little legs swung over me, and her head cradled in my arms. Those tiny little hands trying to hold me tighter as sleep threatens to engulf her...
Well, tonight was one of those days - Mumma this, and mumma that...and suddenly out of the blue, she asks me - "Mumma, what does Permanent mean?" I try and explain to her that it is forever. After a moment, she says "So, a permanent marker can also be called a FOREVER marker". I said maybe - but it did make me smile :-)
She then says "Mumma, what does miserable mean?" I again explain to her - it means being sad and unhappy. Silence. She says " I don't like anyone being miserable."
It again made me smile - Genes I thought! I don't like anyone being sad either baby I thought.
She happily slid into innocent sleep, leaving me thinking...
Just these two words coming together could lead an individual being unhappy...chasing a thought, a person, a relationship...mother, father, friend, children and whatever else...a anything where we seek "permanence" can always lead us to being "miserable", as there is no such thing in this universe. The more we try to hold it, the more it escapes...
This is the truth and the sooner we accept it, the more liberated we are! The more our scriptures, our philosophy, our religion and everything pushes us towards this detachment, the more we run the other way I guess....we humans....we love to always learn it the hard way!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
A New Year!
May this year bring with it all that you wish for!
May you be blessed with peace and contentment
May you be blessed with forgiveness
May you be surrounded with love
May you be gifted with the capability to give - give away something that is most precious to you
May you learn the pleasure of being humble
May you always have the wonder to appreciate
May you have the re-strain and the sensibility to appreciate what you have..
May you become the person you will be proud of ...when you look back many years later...
This is all I have to give today - and I wish all my readers all of this and beyond...
Here is praying for more peace in this world!
May you be blessed with peace and contentment
May you be blessed with forgiveness
May you be surrounded with love
May you be gifted with the capability to give - give away something that is most precious to you
May you learn the pleasure of being humble
May you always have the wonder to appreciate
May you have the re-strain and the sensibility to appreciate what you have..
May you become the person you will be proud of ...when you look back many years later...
This is all I have to give today - and I wish all my readers all of this and beyond...
Here is praying for more peace in this world!
Friday, December 12, 2008
One of Those Days...
Today is one of those days when I feel as if the world is going to come crashing down...one of those days which brings with it a barrage of memories and they seem to tear at my very being...just dumped on me to deal with.
Have you ever felt or even imagined what it is to be not cared for? Will God throw some goodness my way too? In some way, some form?
Feel like I'm captured in a glass bowl - where I can see the free world outside of me...it's cold and windy outside - but, I can't breathe.
Very soon...getting ready to jump out - scared though to imagine a life all by myself...
All by myself!
Have you ever felt or even imagined what it is to be not cared for? Will God throw some goodness my way too? In some way, some form?
Feel like I'm captured in a glass bowl - where I can see the free world outside of me...it's cold and windy outside - but, I can't breathe.
Very soon...getting ready to jump out - scared though to imagine a life all by myself...
All by myself!
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