Relationships On the Fly!

On my recent visit to India and on my first visit to the 'bazaar' on one hot summer afternoon with my MIL - I realized something that amused me, and I also learnt something fantastic...

It was mid March, and I along with my MIL set out to buy some stuff that I could bring back home here. The rows and rows of shops on either sides of the street with their dazzling collection of bright colored clothes, had my eyes popping within minutes!

The colors/dyes used as it is for the clothes in the state of Rajasthan are vibrant, and bold - the yellows, the oranges, blues, and fluorescent green. Very spirited. A hue for every woman!

With my head reeling both from the heat and the wide range of choices, we decided to enter one of the shops that was selling kids clothes. I sat down on one of the mattresses covered with white bedsheets - the water cooler was running full blast. The heat was something.

Right then, a little boy ran over to us with two bottles of mineral water, cool and nice. Phew! What a relief!

He was about 10-12 years of age. He had a wide grin on his face and an eagereness to please the shop's customers. He had a small round face, arms and legs - thin,wiry. He had shiny skin. Shiny from the oil on his head dripping all over his face, and also from the sweat! He wore an undershirt, and a pair of worn out shorts.

An instant feeling of tenderness swept over me. Wish he could afford better clothes I thought. But, he was oblivious to everything around him - he seemed so happy, energetic, and full of life. He seemed to be living it up - totally! The confidence and the look on his face seemed to say "I own everything!" His arrogance was adorable and fantastic! You couldn't touch his ego...

Even in the heat, I noticed that he wasn't wearing any shoes - didn't his little feet burn on the melting coal tar road? There were visible blisters - maybe his mother rubbed some oil and kissed them every night. Maybe she didn't even notice, since she could have been doing her best to feed the hungry mouths first. Who knows what his story was. I smiled at him and took the bottles, and said "Thank You". He bent low, and said "You welcome Didi". The smile dazzled!

Wow! what did I just hear? He called me "Didi" which literally translated means an older sister in Hindi. I liked the lilt, and the affection in his voice. We were related - right at that instant!

I asked him what his name was, and before he could answer, the shopkeeper shouted in a loud voice "Chotu, run now. You don't have the whole day to serve water. Get me the clothes from the tailor and pick up my son from the school in the next hour"

Chotu, looked at me and smiled a guilty smile - and said "bye bye Didi" and ran away not waiting for a response! He didn't care after that...

A relationship formed in an instant and gone the next!

Life at the counter continued...the shopkeeper started piling mountains of clothes before us. I loved all of them - but, can't afford to buy them all! My little doll would look pretty in most of them, but how would I carry them all :-) My MIL lovingly coaxed me to pick at least a few for her grandchild, defending why I needed one of every kind.

The bright yellow - that was it! I love the bright colors - full of life. Maybe a poor compliment and supplement at the same time to my own life! I never tire of making fun of the blandness of what I or my life lack - me, my own enemy :-)

As I picked the yellow dress, the shopkeeper gave a victorious shout in his bawling voice "Didi, that's beautiful! You must have it Didi. It will look great!"

What did I hear? He called me "Didi" too? Hmmm...he was in his mid Fifties, and did I grow into the role of his big sister too? In 10 minutes?

He seemed genuinely happy at my choice, and pushed me to buy the Red, along with the Orange one! His affectionate prodding, his celebratory smiles, and compliments on my choices amused me no end...of course I was his Didi, so why not? :-)

The story went on....I turned to being an aunt, a sister, a mother, a friend and what not to people I met during the course of my journey. A vegetable vendor, a shoe shine boy, a super-market assistant, a bank teller, a neighbour...and a million others.

But, what touched me most about this system of forming relationships in a matter of minutes with people you never even met before was - the simplicity, the openness, the humility, and the affection. It is so easy to sit in your high seat and treat people all around you like dirt, no matter who you are. But it is that much more difficult to establish a bond and relate to the other person.

It is not about people who belong to a lower social status or anything - I saw it at all levels of the society. I think it is about having the humility, and making the effort to swallow your ego. It is about taking that step forward to bond with whoever it is - big or small. You give a part of yourself everytime you make that connection, and that is exactly the reason why it is difficult. But, it maybe worth it!

A fake relationship even at it's face value, made that 5 minutes with the person so very pleasant. You felt as if the other person was equally interested/involved in making the best things happen to you too, in terms of a good price, good choice, whatever - though it was he himself selling you the goods! Isn't it smart and a good business tactic too?

I found it very interesting and amusing to be a distant spectator to this game that required a very specialized skill - to be able to make relationships on the fly!