The First Rain

Rain, rain, go away,
Come again another day.
Rain, rain, go away.
Come again some other day.
Little Me wants to play,
In the meadow by the hay.
Rain, rain, go to Spain...

Pitter..Patter..Pitter..Patter..the children's voices ring..and fade away...

The mud puddles everywhere, the school children walking back from the school, squeaking with delight every time one of them takes a jump in the water or a car passes by splashing water over them...

The first raindrops falling onto the parched land, the cool breeze and the smell of the earth! were just enough to bring out the element in me. No wonder I was a girl with the water sign. The sea, the waves, the rain everything transformed me into someone else in those few moments of laying my eyes on them.

I so vividly remember that we were in college, and the rains meant something else to me and my husband - well, not my husband at that time of course! We would sit for hours in the canteen, sipping the most horrendous tea, as if it was unadulterated nectar served and chat as if there would never be another day come by to talk our hearts out.Nostalgia - there is no cure for it!

Getting married, and moving on with our careers, we still continued to make the rainy days very special. Piping cups of coffee, sitting by the window and chatting up on the philosophies of life which by now had changed a little for both of us, somehow made rainy days very welcome.

Somewhere along the line, seasons came and seasons went, and we got busy settling our nest. Little fledgelings came to the focus and stayed there, we forgot what rains or any other seasons meant anymore.

After a decade of being married, we saw the first rain again one Sunday this season and for old times sake thought about taking a ride in the car. Just being alone in the car together felt awkward enough to even start a conversation. Every topic felt it was not worth being discussed after what we had to go through to get this time together again. He cleared his throat a million times making me wonder if he was coming down with a throat infection, which pressed the panic alarm in my mind - his infection would get passed on to the little one, and that meant at least 4 to 5 days of absence from work. So, I initiated the conversation and asked, "Are you okay?". He said "Yeah, just some allergies I guess". I accepted that.

These days, I have gotten used to accepting everything everyone tells me at face value. Either everyone around me has suddenly grown smarter, or I have comprised with life. Don't really know what happened, but the silliest explanation a friend gives about why I never got a call from that person for the longest time was gracefully accepted by me after months of fighting. Little does that person realize that it's not the replies that have gotten convincing, but it the fact that I have begun to realize that you cannot force anyone to do anything for you - and that this feeling may cease one day. The risk seems to be lost to oblivion.

Back in the car- my husband spoke about his work, his co-workers, his marathon and also what he thinks we should be doing next summer. He told me that we never got to talk much these days because he was so busy, how his life was full of tensions, and how people in his life were taking up too much time.

I just smiled and looked out of the window - who's life these days was simple? Mine, yours or anyone you or I know of? Nobody. All of us are a part of the rut - running away from self-created monsters and chasing our self-imagined dreams.But, still somewhere along we had bothered to tell another person that we had cared for each other, and what had suddenly changed? Was it even fair to change priorities without being informed? Even in a Kindergarten classroom, the five year old is warned that she/he will not be the star of the week in the coming months. That puts expectations right - don't you think. What gave the other person the right to change plans for the other just because...

All that I had wanted for him to say was "I miss you when it rains. I miss the time we shared together. Can we share a cup of coffee today?"

I know it will come...till then me and my coffee cup with share a thousand secrets...