A Prayer

om bhūr bhuva svah
tat savitur varenyam
bhargo devasya dhīmahi
dhiyo yo nah prachodayāt

"O God, Thou art the giver of life, the remover of pain and sorrow, the bestower of happiness; O Creator of the Universe, may we receive Thy supreme, sin destroying light; may Thou guide our intellect in the right direction."

Me, A Shadow

I often times wonder
Am I reduced to being a shadow?
A mere shadow?

A sought after companion when the Sun shone high
A desired object when lonely
A mirage to chase when in a desert
A dream to dream when lying on a bed of roses
A something to take for granted when pre-occupied
And finally a something to be scared of when darkness sets in

Me, a mere shadow?
Abandoned and crushed

All that I want to be is you
Me,not a mere shadow

Just for once can you be me and I turn to being you?
So you will feel what I feel
Just for once you will be happy you are you
Just for once you will be afraid to be a shadow

Just for once don't run away
Just for once it's Me, not a mere shadow...

Summer Break - Concluding Part

Short and long trips outside of our town would be planned by my parents, often ending up with my mom taking us around!

Mumma always arranged for small picnics with the neighbours in the nearby parks, where we would carry our lunch or our supper and eat it together. Oh! running about in the park, getting wet in the water, and eating all that sumptuous food would make us wait for the next picnic:-)

In the evenings, all the kids of the colony would get together and play a million kinds of games - some old and some invented right there on the spot...my imagination at thinking of some of these would be forefront!

There are clear memories of us climbing the school flag staff that swung precariously from side to side - all for a bet and a sticker at that. But who cared, it was about winning all of them! Climbing trees to running over deep trenches to play tag, made us feel we owned the world. But, looking back I also think it taught us something very valuable in life - I can't put a finger on to what 'that' is, but I know it gave some kind of a survivor's confidence.

We chased pin wheels and raced bicycle tyres down all the slopes we could find and every time we fell or lost, just the act of swallowing those tears of humiliation I'm sure taught us something!

At home, the peak of summer was always the time for my mom's pickle making project! God! it was a BIG deal! The right kind of mangoes, the spices, the freshly squeezed oil - everything was meticulously planned and executed. The huge porcelain jars were cleaned and dried without the slightest trace of moisture. And on the day of execution, we could slice the tension with a knife and there would be a curfew on everything! Everyone had to bathe, eat early and be a part of the entire process carrying out her directions - step by step! Of course, the end result was equally perfect - the best mango pickle I have eaten so far :-) She then would distribute this to our friends and neighbours - no wonder all my friends called her 'Mother Teresa' :-)

Through all of this excitement, my dad would be missing. He built bridges and dams, hence his projects were outside of every town we lived in - so he would come home late every day. A good hot bath, a meal lovingly served by my mom, my chatter around a detailed account of everything we did through the day was his routine at the end of a tiring day.

But, somehow just the presence of my dad brought about an untold respect and tension in the house. During our exam time, I remember how I used to instruct the driver to honk while he turns the car into our street, so that I would sit upright and pretend to be engrossed in my books :-) Just having him enter the house made all scurry into their corners...and I in a twisted way reigned supreme, because I was his princess :-) I always had him carry out my every little wish, but at the same time he drew the line when it came to discipline. So, it was a weird balance!
But no wonder my friends called him 'Hitler' :-)

Every summer evening, our servant would lay some cots right under the trees in our compound, ready for the night! And the sight of those white bed sheeted beds under the sky was a sight way too tempting to stay indoors!

We would just lay there under the stars with the cool breeze, and then daddy would talk to me about everything. About life, politics, health, about human behavior, good values, and what he thought of various things!

That, I think was my real education - far removed from what any university or school could have ever taught me! To love, forgive and live life with all it's pain or pleasure very simple and straight.

I've seen a lot of life - both good and bad! I've been loved, worshipped, and hated. I have run away from things, I have faced the worst, I have hidden, and also have fought against many odds. But, every lesson he has taught me - has always come back to me. Some where, some place.

I've also met people who have taught me very valuable lessons - they have given me tons of love and goodwill, without expecting anything in return. Have done things for me that I would have never done for anyone - I'm grateful for all that they taught me. And I salute them with everything I have!

I've also met people who have broken my trust along with my faith, ridiculed my affection and have shattered my being while changing the very course of my life - I salute them too! I respect them for what they have taught me - without changing my sentiments and affection for them!

On this father's day - I want to thank my dad who has stood strong for me - held me in his strong arms when the big bad waves of life threatened to engulf me, held me in his embrace to tell me he was proud, put me on his shoulder - to laugh and to cry!

It saddens me immensely when I think how he would feel if he knew how his princess has roughed it out - has been walked over, torn apart, and hurt by the ugly face of life. But, he will be proud to know that I have stood strong with my head held high...stood by what I believed is right.

He has given me the dignity, the grace and the pride - to thank every great soul that has touched my life in some way! I salute all of them!

It is from the treasure he has given me, that I will pick the colors of love and forgiveness and paint this canvas of life...beyond hatred and beyond all limits....forever!

endarO mahAnubhavulu |
andarIki vandanamu ||

[loosely translated means - there are many great souls and I salute all of them! This is a beautiful Carnatic music song composed by Sri. Tyaagaraaja - listen and see if you can decipher the meaning - it is as if he has filtered the very essence of life and humility within it!]

Listen to it here :
http://youtube.com/watch?v=lML0wJaWBWw

Summer Break

Today happens to be my little one's last day at school! Boy! You should have seen the excitement!

Every morning to get her out of bed and to school is an ordeal that I have mastered to handle. But today, all I had to do was open my eyes, and she was awake even before me :-) The announcement that today was the last day of school was made loud and clear so that now even the neighbours are warned of the noise levels that will follow for the next 2 months!

The excitement, the innocence, the energy, the anticipation - everything reminded me of my own childhood and our summer vacations...

I want you to journey with me and take a peek into my childhood :-)

My dad was a civil engineer, and a devoted one at that! He is a workaholic and his dedication to his projects was commendable. Of course, he did earn his fame and good will for his honesty, work ethics, and being forthright. Awards from the Govt. of India followed - and rightly so. I feel proud to be just related to him, leave alone be his daughter :-)

So, every morning the veranda to my house used to be full with people - engineers, contractors and even local politicians. Cups of coffee used to be sent from the kitchen to the veranda every hour and my servant who used to carry them back and forth used to whisper to my mom after a few hours that she should refuse to send anymore :-)

I was a monster as a child (Ummhhh...Umhhh..EVEN as a child :-) My house used to be full of children - me and my friends! So, my mom always had enough kids on hand waiting for her to hand out snacks and munchies. As we grew up, my college buddies always clambered around her for her delicious coffee! She made the best coffee in town - stands true even today!

During school days, the day we finished our exams we would play till we could sleep standing. And would be awake at the crack of dawn - and wonder what we were going to do with the rest of the vacation. Then, it would all begin - the comics would be pulled out, drawing easels, rock collections, marbles, and every other form of activity would come out and take it's place in the center of the drawing room!

Mangoes, water melon and ice cream would be consumed by the gallons throughout the day...

[To be Continued...]

My song for the day is below - I love the sound of the sea! Hope you like it too - nostalgic and beautiful!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=XB5aawaydx8&feature=related

Song for the Day!

Thank you so much for all the feedback on my last posting!

And, it makes me happy to know that someone is really reading my blog :-)

Here's my song for the day - I love it, and hope you will enjoy it too:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=HKvGQSwRIDQ

One life, one joy, one hope, one sorrow, one dream - live for today!

Have a great day - Today! Chase your dream - not someone else's :-)

Imagine

...she quickly turned her glance to look out of the
window- for all she cared, she wanted to end the whole
thing & find herself wake up from a dream - as if
nothing happened....she wanted to smell the coffee
coming from 'Amma's kitchen , the maid busy washing
all the vessels & tossing them with an anger unknown-
the fragrance of the agarbathi floating from the
'pooja' room- her dad busy with his routine of getting
ready to work- the neighbour's auntie screaming at her
10 year old to get ready for school....

gosh ! is she going to miss all this or what ?

What will life now turn into - she wondered ?

What if they come to know what had happened to her in the last month. How will she go away from all this? What is she going to to tell her sister and brother about why she was leaving them all?

Just the sight of blue made her go pale. Wish she had never woken up that fateful Saturday. Will the college board question her why she was turning down the award? She shivered...why did it have to be her? What would she do now?


The beginning and the ending of this story can be anything! Anything that you dare to imagine...

I have told so many stories - now, it's your turn! I want you to imagine the beginning and the end of the story!!! Better still, you are even welcome to write it and send it to me :-)

Imagination - something that is ingrained in every one of us! It is all about letting it out and letting it lose! Every aspect of life can be enhanced with it - a little something to spice up our lives - just a dash of imagination can pep up anything! Even our bland, boring lives :-) Not your's ? Good for you!!! And keep it up!!!

Do a small special something that comes straight out of your imagination for someone you care, and see how much it thrills that person and at the same time you too! Do I see a smile already ?

Alright, before my cynical self takes over... I want you to think, imagine, and dream a dream that has you smiling for the rest of the weekend! That's what I want for you - my reader!

And, don't forget to share your smiles with me...I need tons of those :-)

Here's a song for you:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=E_WV6HRq3SM

Innocence - Is Ada Pe To Fida Hai Hum!

Accusations

Have you ever heard of the moonlight being accused by the moon for making it beautiful?

Have you ever heard of the mother being accused by her child for her abundant love?

Have you ever heard of the river complaining that it is tired of flowing?

Have you ever heard of the sky complaining that the rainbow makes it breathtaking?

Have you ever heard of the nightingale complain that it's voice makes it's singing melodious?

Have you ever heard of Truth complain that honesty makes it endurable?

Have you heard of beauty complain that grace makes it desirable?

Have you heard laughter complain that innocence makes it so happy and complete?

Have you heard love complain that purity makes it so elusive and wanted?


Who do you complain to if these accusations come true? We live in the belief that we have someone to address all our problems when we get stuck in a mess? But, have you thought of what you would do when there is nothing to go to complain because everything that was synonymous decided to not be that way? Just because - with no rhyme or reason, your heart decided to stop beating, and your breath decided to stop because it was tired?

Who would you complain to if your silence was interpreted for wrong doing? Your nobility, your grace, and your patience were taken for helplessness? Your love, persistence and dignity were taken for granted?

Who would you go to?

Just when you think that truth prevails, you find out all over again that it eludes - what is one supposed to do?

Vapour, Ether, Fake, Unreal, Evasive, Elusive - Is that Life?

True, Strong, Honest, Pure, Selfless - Is that Life?

Which one would you pick?

Take the time to pick - and listen to this song:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lXFidaPeGqQ

Live and let live - with dignity!

What's New?

Another day - I have nothing to say except share a song I like:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=uNegMJ6xSSQ

Little pleasures go a long way!

Nostalgia

It's funny when I surprise myself - unable to stay away from writing here...again and again..unable to resist the pull...

It's one of those days when nostalgia hits home and hits hard - unable to express the lump in my throat, unable to laugh it away, or even unable to cry it away...

One of those days when looking at your crest fallen face - friends will laugh and say "C'mmon cheer up...let go and you will be fine". Hubby will say "Hey, cheer up not worth your tears". My little one will hug and say "Mumma, you are my best friend and come play with me you'll be fine". My neighbor will say "Hey, do you need anything? You look stressed out".

A day when you go to your music lesson and the notes from your heart don't reach your voice, and the teacher quips "What happened? You are not focusing?". You eat, you sleep, you do all that is needed - but, the lump in your throat doesn't go away.

The vaccum doesn't leave, and the world around you goes on...people around you smile and laugh and joke....but, nothing reaches your ears...

Looking out of the window - seeing the evening sunset, watching the myriad of colors seems to drift you away to another land - known to only yourself.

A day when everything around you seems to sink into oblivion...

A day where you want to go back into your past, and re-live some of those days. Bring those memories back to life - make them all right and be a part of them all over again!

I wish ...I wish...there was a cure to nostalgia!

Days from your childhood when you would come home drenched from school and you would find your mother waiting for you. Days from your childhood when you could run out and play till you were ready to fall asleep - with no other care in the world!

Days from your college, days from your past when everything was innocent and fun!

Where did everything vanish? I wish...I wish...I could be back there...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=vJ-BSED3Q98

Wish there was a 'back' button to our lives...hit it and you could go back as far as you want!

Back To The Roots!

On my last trip to my home country India, I felt the strongest pull to stay back and just forget the fact that I even belonged any place else!

I'm sure most of us have heard/read/watched the famous "Roots" by Alex Haley. I read this book during my college days, and I was at that time very touched with everything that Kunta Kinte goes through! That was when I was so inspired to find my own roots!

Right after my 12th standard, I made a trip to my ancestral home in a village in India, along with 10 of my other cousins!. We made a big deal reaching there, staying there, and having fun every single day. An old aunt of my mother stayed there at that time, and was about 90 years of age. But, she was so strong and independent that she cooked and cleaned for herself (and us!) even at that age!

So, one fine afternoon, I sat down with her while she lay on the ground on her white sari acting as a mat. I asked her if she could re-collect all the details about my ancestors, and surprisingly she went back about 6 generations and I still recall how her eyes lit up just talking about the good old days...she went on with the details for a couple of hours, and was unstoppable :-) I kept scribbling all that I could, as fast as I could to keep up with her...

It was almost evening by then, and she sat up with tears in her eyes, and held me close and said "Thanks to you, I lived my life all over again just in the last two hours - God bless you my child"... She then went upstairs and brought out some very very old pictures of her as a child :-)

What I did with those notes later was a shame - I did nothing! But, even today when I recollect the happiness and the joy in my great aunt's eyes at the time she so fondly spoke of the grandeur, the pomp, and the splendour of the good old days - better days she had seen and lived, it seems like it is all worth it!

Some day - I will compile it and for all I know surprise myself by just going back to where I belong!

My song for this day -
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hAlD6zehT5E

Life - a mysterious journey....

Food - My First Love!

Food! Who doesn't love it?

Good food, good friends, good life...what more do you want?

At the end of a tiring day, imagine eating your soul food - for me it is South Indian 'Rasam' !!! Spicy and steaming hot!! It is typically eaten with steaming hot rice, a drop of 'Ghee' and a some vegetable on the side. Hmmmm....it is pure Nirvana :-)

Growing up, I always criticized the food my mother made - as a teenager, everything she did was wrong! But now, when I cook and sitting here thousands of miles away I crave for every morsel she cooked! The various pickles, chutneys, snacks and of course her 'Rasam' - would give my right arm for it!

Have you ever gone to an Indian wedding, and have bothered going backstage where the elaborate food preparations to cook for those hundreds of people are in full swing? I have. Even as a child, I went there and sat watching how efficiently the head cook and the other sous-chefs worked in tandem - not missing a beat. I admired the way the head cook turned his magic on the various dishes and his management style! He doesn't need any management classes - he walks the thin thread between taste, his staff, the ingredients, huge quantities, freshness and a million other things - wow!It is simply amazing how he manages the whole show - next time around take the time to watch it :-)

Interestingly enough, I grudgingly admit that some of the best cooks at these occasions are men :-) But oh well! as long as the end result is mouth watering, who cares?

It takes a lot of strength for me to say no to 'Rasam rice' when it is offered by anyone - but, believe me I say no because I care that the person offering it is not deprived of enjoying it - pure and simple! But, don't test my resolve on this ... I'm not that strong :-)

My recipe for Tomato Rasam:

3-4 Tomatoes, medium sized
1.5 - 2 tsp Rasam powder (Mom's is the best!)
1/2 tsp Mustard seeds/1 tsp Jeera/3-4 curry leaves
1 pinch sugar/Jaggery
A pinch of Hing/ Salt/ Pepper powder

Method:

Cook tomatoes with some turmeric/salt.Boil with some water for about 4-5 mins. Add the rasam powder and boil further for another 4-5 mins. Add water if you feel the puree is very thick.Add salt, jaggery and mix well. You can even add a couple of spoons of grated coconut and chopped cilantro and a green pepper. Since the tomato already has a sour taste, you can cut down on the tamarind pulp/puree.Temper with mustard seeds, jeera, hing and curry leaves; Serve hot with rice and Ghee!

Adding some pre-cooked 'Daal' to the above is optional!

Yummy!!!! The best 'Rasam' I have ever had is in Karnataka - well, I'm biased since I grew up there :-)

Here is one of my favorite old kannada songs - check it out. 'Rasam' and this song ....Hmmmmm (ignore the actors - it is a bit over the top for me :-) :

http://youtube.com/watch?v=kPRsqJQ6DRU

Soul food, songs that touch your soul - can never be replaced....no matter what!

The Astrologer

This evening, I had the rare privilege of meeting an astrologer - so far away from home!

A friend took me, and I was in two minds. Is it really worth all this effort?

I went in with the mind set that there is no human born yet who could predict or decipher another human being's past - but boy, was I in for a surprise or what?

He told me the most incredible things from my past and my present - ghosts I had buried, and monsters I was trying to fight! Like I said, I never believed in these things ever. But, he proved me completely wrong today!

I don't know or have the inclination to know this part of astrology, which actually seems mathematical - but, this branch of science or is it mathematics seems very intriguing and fascinating!

He told me a million things I need to watch for - Me? I believe in fairy tales. I think the world is a good place, with good people...he told me I was a fool...maybe I'am :-)

The funny part of my entry to his office was that the theme tune from R.K.Narayan's Malgudi Days kept playing in my head :-). Remember his famous work - "The astrologer" ? Read it if you haven't already...

Tana na na na na...
Tana na na na na...

Speaking of songs, my favorite pick today is:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x3RKs6StNaQ

Fate - there is a master plan designed and in store for all of us! Try..try as hard as we might, in the hope we could move something, somewhere - trying to find a shoulder to rest our head on....we can only try...